soliloquies in hiding

Signing Off.....

2010-11-18T08:20:00.002-06:00

Just from the blogger space :). Its really been a wonderful space to be in. Blogger has nurtured me so long, helped me put out the thoughts, rants, complaints, feelings and all that came to my mind on its space. As I read through the posts here, I can see a lot of things changing within me too.
Now with all that baggage on my back, am shifting bases. Have bought a domain for myself! I guess thatz when you can believe that I've become pompous enough to take my writings with seriousness. LOL.. whatever, it is, blogger will always remain special for me.
So my dear readears, if I may be so vain enough as to assume that you still visit these pages, I would request you to take a bit more of brunt and do come and visit me at my place on web - www.praveens.in :)
Hoping to continue to see you there.....

Thanks blogger! :) Eternally indebted to you... :)

Kabootar Ja...Ja...Jaa....

2010-03-10T07:41:00.002-06:00

Not very long ago, I am sure you all remember the pomp and glory with which our esteemed self had announced its return to the home turf. The bon homie did last for sometime I must say, and now, our mommy dearie wants to get into the details. Just what are those specifics that she is underlining offlate is any boy-staying-with-parents’ guess! Right from picking up the clothes lying around in ma room.. to picking up a bride (to loiter around in my room) is on the list of have-to-dos. One is more akin to seein’ the quintessential linear markings of a certain silver kind on the dark horizon and thus amidst all this, we spotted a lot of grub for blog! So after mommy dearest handed down the list of “do-this-else-i’ll-whop-your-sorry-a$$”, we got down to handle the daunting tasks… in order that suited us! And here we are dishing out a post! Amen!!

While sorting out the fossils accumulated in my book shelf drawers (the first on the list), out popped the long dead Engineering notes, half drawn sketches of God-only-knows-what, birthday cards, mushy bye-bye cards, scrap books (Ah! the innocence of childhood), and finally a bundle of letters! Hmmmm… letters…. mused my mind. Much like the neandrethel gaping at the spherical structure in front of him, and uttering those weird sounds “Wheee”… “Wheee”… “Wheeeeel” to make up for the lack of anything more sensible, I made similar sounds albeit of more sophistication “OOoooooohhh!!” “Aaaaaahhhh”… “Awwwww” and the likes. Memories tumbled down of my first pen-pal(ly) ofcourse! She was a friend of Prarthana while we were in highschool and was looking for a pen-pal. Needless to say, being the boy of the hour, I stepped in duly to fulfill her needs, and soon enough, Prarts was playing the Kabootar between me and her. Ofcourse there was no romantic inclination, lemme make it clear upfront. But there certainly was the charm associated with penning words that we knew would be gazed at by a friend at the other end. And great wonder of wonders! We also found a wonderfully hidden, yellowing parchment of what was once a paper, that had in it the loving yearning of a girl, I was so totally smitten by while I was in 7th Standard! Yep! Buddies!! with eyes moistening, I realized that the Stupid Cupid afterall had managed to preserve just one letter of my Wonder years when I had written my first love letter to the one girl I had gifted my heart to, on a platter!! I read, re-read, re-re-read the letter…..and finally for lack of anything better, let out a sigh.

Do people still write Love letters? Have any of you written a love letter? The idea of a letter by itself in this fast paced lightning-speed email/sms age seems archaic. Needless to say, its already replaced the notion of a postman to someone who brings in the bills and statements than anything remotely humane in content! Maybe in the remote corners of India, people still communicate using letters, and maybe someday, if my mom has her way, I’ll be taking my kids over there to show them just how a snail-mail (such an unromantic and degrading nomenclature) looks and works! Anyhooo, lets get back to the Love letters. The idea of writing a love letter itself was so irrepressibly romantic that it spawned generations of lilting romantic numbers in every language that has dished out movies on the screen! Be it Rajendra kumar begging Vyjayanthimala not to give him a beating with “Yeh mera prem patr padhkar”, to Shashi kapoor doing his stick-dance for a sharmili Asha Parekh with “Likhe jo khat tujhe…woh teri yaad mein”…. aaaahh!! I know, so many of you are now silently nodding their heads and smiling! ;) Circa 1990s and Bhagyashree coaxing the dove to carry her letter to Sallu Bhai had set the hearts rolling on the streets, gallis and nukkads. And surely enough, every heart ever asunder in the burning fire of pining love was doling out letters by kilos! Nowadays, we have our ears bulldozed by Reshammiyas of the netherworlds, who don’t know which particular anatomy of their body should be used to sing let alone act!

The first time I ever saw a love letter was ofcourse by “accident” when I was fishing through the locker of my parents looking for chocolates (Yep!! There! I said it! My mom had the most dubious distinction of hiding my favorite chocolates in the weirdest of places least of which wasn’t the locker). I wasn’t ofcourse able to read through it entirely, what with the details being etched in miniscule letters for want of more space! But the gist mentioned in the first couple of lines of how much she missed my father was sufficient enough to turn my cheeks a deep hue of pink! Later ofcourse, entirely due to the fault of the genes my lovely parents bestowed me with, I was handling out love letters left, right and center! :D And if girls flipped by the lot, well, what can I say! Magic hands baby ;) (and the genes ofcourse!!)

The toughest part of writing a love letter, I feel is just that! The writing!! Painstakingly you have to choose the words to give just the right amount of feeling. Not too laid back, not too desperate! Not handing the heart on a platter, nor barricading it! How does one dish out such a word-perfect love letter?! I am yet to discover! The emphasis is ofcourse laid on the feeling not just the verbal cosmetics. And inspite of all the best laid out words, one can never be too assured of a hit (sic) both physical and emotional!! :P

After writing, comes the second daunting task of actually handing over the letter to the girl. Many a movie plots have found this to be the turning point that they seek! Hearts stop and breathes gasp just as the poor hero goes to hand over the love letter to the lady-love only to find her cozing up in the arms of his best friend or worst rival! Ouch! Else we have him with sweaty hands and smelly arm pits handing it over to the girl and soon are teleported to swiss locales to find them both prancing around like puppies with cooties! The best that has ever transpired when I handed a love letter was to find the girl smile and nod her consent while the worst… well… let’s not get into it! The post is increasing in its size! ;) For those who are worried of their well being, ofcourse there are friends - both human and non-human that can be called upon to aid in the need of the hour! Dogs, pigeons, swans, to monkeys have all essayed the roles of romantic messengers.

Love has certainly come of age! We no longer talk of “janam-janam ka naata”! Lovers these days philosophize about the effervescence of public buses and girls (or boys too!) in our lives and rightly forbid from too much of mourning. Love letters have become short and crisp. They have changed to the formats of emails and sms. From agonizingly long sentences prophecizing the lives that one would want to live with one another, we now see “I lv u. Wanna gt 2gthr” being txtd arnd! Love makes the world go round and Love letters ensure that corporates stay in business. The VHPs and Bajrang Dals of the world not withstanding, we still celebrate love the old fashioned way atleast once in a year with Valentine’s Day! People exchange greeting cards (for those strapped of cash, there’s e-cards), write love poems, treat eachother at candle light dinners, propose, depose, and maybe a few of them proclaim their love through words etched on a paper!!!

Those of you who are in love, go home, or if your project is boring, snatch that letter pad and write something out, in your own handwriting, your own feelings and send it across to that one loving heart that you feel is meant for you! Those of you who wanna be in love, do the same and keep ur fingers crossed! In the meanwhile….I have a lot more cleaning to do and who knows what I may find next to spawn a lengthy boring post to heckle you all with!! ;)

Hum bhi agar bachhe hote...

2009-11-08T23:28:00.002-06:00

Had a bad night. Unwanted, unwarranted, misleading and misunderstood argument with a friend, hurtful words, unintended meanings stifling the air around me! Nearly sleepless night.... grubby morning, cloudy weather, Monday!
Made a fake cheery presence to my mom, and headed towards the auto stand... 3 buses full of kids, probably on their way to a picnic pull over near the traffic signal, and out of nowhere, the whole bunch of kids lined up near the windows called out and a medley of "TaTa!!" "Good Morning", "Anna!! Hiiiiiii" rang out! And suddenly it all seemed okie. :)

Why is it so tough for us to be child like? Simple... uncomplicated... and contended?

After a While...

2009-09-22T13:08:00.003-05:00

Received this poem as a comment from Sushma.... was so good that I didn't think it was fair to leave it in the comments section so moving it as a post.

I know it has feminine overtones to it.. but I strongly feel it transgresses the genders...

After a While

After a while
you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

By,
Veronica A. Shoffstall

You are Framed!!

2009-09-05T22:57:00.002-05:00

One of the most horrible crimes we can commit in a relationship is to frame people! Limit their scope, actions and responses into a framework and expect the magnanimous human personality with its countless manifestations and attributes to fit into that framework. We did the same to God, we do the same to human beings (or is it vice versa?!!)! And we wonder why relationships don't work or seem so complicated!!! Sigh....

Mr. Hyde......

2009-07-29T12:39:00.002-05:00

Got into the Bus 333T (Volvo) near my office. There was a pleasant Kannada station playing on the radio. There were 2 girls from North (very coincidental... I hold nothing against them.. just their attitudes. Read on) started acting smart... passing ridiculous comments.. and making stupid remarks.. with their usual gusto! To top it off.. they started playing some stupid pop numbers on their laptop in full volume.

Couldn't tolerate it.. mouthed off.. and before getting down... called them B*******! I know I lost my cool.. I also know that I wanted to lose it.

Dushman na kare......

2009-07-01T20:25:00.002-05:00

Its early in the morning... its been 2 days now and am disturbed. It is an unnerving experience as if you have just been burgled!! And the culprit is someone you had least expected to do something like this. Yes, we are all accustomed to thinking that strangers are more akin to rob us. But when the ones you consider close to you, or thought would be close, turn out to be total strangers, it is a nerve wrecking experience, and to top it, to have the feeling of being betrayed stuffed down your throat only worsens the situation. We are all just "somebody" to everyone else, I guess! Unfortunately that includes some people who aren't "somebody" for us!

It really hurts - That the person who you don't think to be "somebody" for you, thinks that you are "just somebody"! Karma? Human psychology? I'm playing the song - "Dushman na kare.." in a repetitive mode. I have no other song that can better touch my mood right now. Am I letting it worsen, or do I actually want to get over it? God as my witness, I really do want to get over this! I want to forget everything that happened, and just move on! But its so much easier said than done! I've often times emphasized to so many that one has to forgive and forget to achieve the peace of mind. But yet, today that seems like the hardest thing for me to do. Not forgiving, but forgetting all that happened. "pehle toh hosh cheen liye zulm-o-sitam se, deewangi ka phir hamein ilzaam diya hai"

Gladly enough I haven't shed tears for all that has happened. LOL! I am not smiling that it happened either! But the pain is killing! The hurt is deep, and closed wounds somehow have opened up again! I am vulnerable afterall!! "na khuda ka hum ne jinhe naam diya hai.... umr bhar ka gam hamein inaam diya hai..." Gawd!! I just wish I could wake up in the morning and find out that all of this was just a bad, terrible, and hopeless dream! There is a growing numbness in my heart... cold and deathly.... and am gasping for breathe... there was a hand that seemed as if it was ready to clasp me and pull me aboard... only then did I realize that it was the hand that actually overthrew me into the cold currents that are lapping me up into their bosoms...............and am too shocked to even scream.........

Confusious Thinks......

2009-06-26T21:35:00.004-05:00

Lots of Ranting coming up!! So run for covers!

*******************************************************

What is so hard about expectations?! What we have of others... or of what others have of us?!

How do you truly know what you want?! I know people say all about feeling.. intuition.. gut feeling.. blah blah blah blah... but has anyone ever really experienced it? Before you ever set out on something, has anyone felt that this is IT! The ONE magical thing that he/she has been waiting for?!

It is true that one has to be truthful for oneself. But which self is one to be truthful for? Its easy to say that there is only one 'self' but how many of us really have only one 'self'?!

There is 'self' for the family, there is a 'self' for the society, there is a 'self' for your friends... does one get to pick and choose which one of these is "MY SELF?" Or if I were to choose something totally different of all of these, and call that as "MYSELF".. will the society, the family, my friends accept it? So eventually.. what am I to them? An identity defined by the masks they prefer to see me in? Or does it even matter.......?!!

Why is it so tough to let go of the desire to Control?! Relations, people, circumstances, we are forever striving to exercise control over everything around us! There is a thrill in letting go too! Maybe we'd end up with having something in our hands that we don't like or we don't want.. but is Life all about getting everything that we want?!!
It'd be so easy for me sometimes, if I'd be left to my own, but world seldom does that! Everyone has expectations that are expected to be met. I dunno what is so hard.. the expectations I have of others.. or what others have of me..................

Mamma Mia! - Much Ado about....

2009-01-24T05:58:00.005-06:00

Please Note:- Spoilers ahead! (T)read carefully!! (Not that it really matters ya know! ;))

3 middle age ... well not really, rather...... post middle age women, and 3 similar men, a young couple who believe that they are the wonderland Atlantians prancing around in a Greek Land and a whole cohort of similar Greeks! Add to this concoction a whole range of ABBA numbers from their famous musicals and pronto - you've got MAMMA MIA! So what went wrong with it? Just one small fact that the movie has come nearly a decade or two late! And that is only the beginning!

ABBA has been my favorite music band ever since childhood. Growing up listening to "Dancing Queen", "Chiquitita", "SOS", and craving for "Money Money Money" has become such an integral part of my identification with my childhood. So when Universal Studios teamed up with couple of other productions and came up with the idea to bring their world-famous musical to screen, with a conglomeration of Producers which has Tom Hanks (My Favorite) in them too and a star cast that includes the fabulous Meryl Streep (Another of my top favorites) in the lead, that was too awesome for me to resist! Eagerly had I waited for it to hit the screens. Nagging reviews not withstanding, I rushed forth and sure enough obtained my share of disappointments. Comeon Hollywood!! Even a Bollywood dishout wouldn't have been so! (Or then again....maybe they'd have screwed it up even worse!) Sigh!

Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) is about to get married to her boyfriend (Dominic Cooper). But she has a long standing dream of hers to have her father give her away. The problem with this? She doesn't know who her father is! Momma Donna (Meryl Streep..as sweet as ever) apparently was rather playful one spring!! But the snoopy lil creatures that teenage girls usually are, she discovers that there are 3 possible men who could've fathered her, and so sends out letters to all three inviting them for her wedding. Whatever happened to decency, I wonder?!! And sure enough the 3 males land in the island of Kalokairi - Pierce Brosnan, Stellan Skarsgard and Colin Firth! Along with them land the girls of Sophie and Donna! You have to see to believe their team cheer! Well what follows along is a typical chick-fare replete with songs, yells, shrill cries, and the usual 'girl moments' (whatever that is supposed to be) talking about true love!!! errrrm.....yeah in case u didn't know Kalokairi is the place where anyone who wants true love should go and drink water from!! (Now u tell me!! After spending a decade looking for one! Sheesh!! Why is it that I always come to know it when I have outgrown it!). Like they say the best (or in this case the worst) was indeed saved for the last! I had a is-this-really-happening look on my face for when the movie ends (or so we think) we have the lead casts strutting back on screen in pink bell bottoms and hay-wire attires singing "Waterloo" and "Dancing Queen" once again!

In all fairness to the movie, you can really feel the vibe amongst the actors! I mean, comeon guys (and gals) its ABBA music we are talking about! Who wouldn't wanna dance and tap their feet to them! But err... you know... all said and done, to watch oldie Julie Waters and Christine Baranski cracking slapstick jokes about nights with men and sticking protrusions in btw their pants... errrr... its just not what I'm built up to watch! Sure the songs have been tweaked around.. "Does your mother know" isn't about a girl but a guy here hitting on Christine Baranski! To have the leads and the characters sing out the numbers was probably the biggest disappointment! At this age, well, they really cannot do justice for the zest and vigor that the numbers of ABBA call for!

Meryl Streep is as fresh and full of life as ever! Here is one talented actress who can bring down a whole legion of actresses to their feet in front of her! The diva as always! Some numbers rendered by her is quite good! Though sometimes, in some numbers such as Mamma Mia she does seem a lil over-doing it... but she does eventually add her own charm into the whole movie! She's the only reason I went ahead and bought the VCD. Julie Waters is absolutely forgettable (she gets to sing Take a chance on me) and Christine Baranski did a passable job on "Does your mother you". The crew could've certainly done a better job in covering the island's beauty. A movie completely shot on a Greek island had totally raised my expectations on the camera work. But it was majorly focussed on the wedding cast.. than the wedding place.

Well all said and done, I can't deny one thing. I was all smiles throughout the movie. And no not because of the way it was, but having realized that the movie wasn't really worth paying attention to, my mind had already drifted back to the days of the yore - when wearing shorts was something that nobody really cared about! Well.. if you are as die-hard fan of ABBA and Meryl Streep as I am.... guess it wouldn't hurt to watch this movie! :)

And before I leave.. buddies.. take care of one more thing.. no matter of expensive it may be.... buy a DVD or VCD that is not BIG Home Video in the make. Watching the movie on the Reliance made VCD is a pain! oh yeah! BIG Home Video --> you suck! Please don't produce movie VCDs! Thank you!

Overall Rating: 3.0/5.0

Aaaam....coming up!

2009-01-11T04:58:00.001-06:00

So you better get this party started!!!

And why would it be any different this time around you ask?! Well... yeah I know! I've been that elusive guy who never kept his promises! But then, love is blind! Or so I'd like to believe! ;) But then more practically speaking, this time is a bit different because, I've finally managed to get a net connection at home! Not that its absence was the only reason for me not having to post.. mind you! But well, atleast something to cover me up. I'll say! :)

A few updates from my end!

I am no more in Coimbatore! The journey has moved on to a new destination. I am now in Chennai!! Sigh... the nomadic existence just doesn't seem to let go of me! And I have turned a new leaf! Mostly I used to blog in my corporate blog space, but then I've always loved the anonymity on the big WWW! So here i am back, with my rants, my happiness and my nothings! How many of my old crowd is still around, its tough to say. Maybe there shall be some new ones coming around too? Well thatz for time to show, but for now... I am back! And I shall be writing... :)

Nomadic Musings!!

2008-04-06T13:14:00.003-05:00

And so, here I am back on the turf that I had long seized playing on. The grasses have grown tall, weeds in between too, and am not so sure, if I can wield the bat as well as I used to! Chandan, had written earlier in one of this blogs (studying the nature of bloggers and their blogs) that a blog reflects the state of mind a blogger is in. Given the inactivity of my space for such a long time, I wonder what it can be classified as. Thankfully no one wrote me off as being wiped away!! What was even more heartening was that people wrote to me personally asking me the reason for my absence from the blogging world, and imploring me, threatening me, coaxing me nicely to get back to the writing mode.

Much like my blog, even I have not been having a feeling of having ever settled down. If my blog were to have feelings, I guess it’d wonder why there is no routine in its life! Regular posts, comments from the endearing readers, feedbacks, regular make-over!! Nothing at all!!! Likewise, I do not have a settled feeling yet! I still am a Nomad. I guess there is a part of me that enjoys this nomadic existence. One has to give credit to the freedom of existence that this life assures of. And believe me, I do treasure it! Work – professional and personal has kept me rather occupied. The excuse may seem as lame to you too, as it does to me, or even more! But believe me, the writer in me, had probably taken a sabbatical for a few months. During which period, I may even be accused of indulging in frivolous living, as I had taken to writing elsewhere, rather than in my personal blog-space!! (Ah! The nerve of me!!)

Writer’s block is a classic excuse for many out here for the continued absence. I would like to be counted amongst them too! It isn’t that I could not have keyed some words in…. but rather that I never felt like. It’s like coming back to meet a good ol’ friend of the yore, and there is an urge to share so many things with him, but one never does! One just waits for another time. I guess one way to overcome this is to just sit down, and start typing. That is what I am doing now, as I am on my way to Bangalore. Rustic landscapes, beautiful hills draped in green, large expanse of paddy fields with lakes and ponds interspersed. Who wouldn’t feel like sharing a few thoughts across? Those who care to listen will continue to read, and those who don’t, will shut the browser and move on. Life continues…..

Crawlers and Creepers!!

2007-08-18T11:15:00.000-05:00

Well Well.. after a very very laaang time.. I am back into the blogging foray!! Missed u all chums.. dearies!! Trust me! I did!! So well.. here is something to start us all with... but before u embark...

Statutory Warnings:

1. No this has nothing to do with preeetttty preettty flowers or plants!
2. The first person am gonna hear “hee-hee-haw-hawing” shall find the vertical protrusions in the frontal lobe of their skull strategically displaced and dispersed in a vast area following random distribution. (Pauses solemnly allowing the idea to sink……. )

Why did God have to make cockroaches?! I cannot fathom of one sensible reason, as to what wonderful purpose they serve in this cosmos, that made the existence of these frankensteins absolutely necessary!! Well… I don’t wanna say am scared of ‘em (yeah! like that is really gonna sound so convincing! And I so much can hear my room mates sniggering to themselves.. didn’t they read the warning messages up there?!! Hmmphhff) But frankly the very thought of theirs is sufficient enough to make the hairs stand upright and send a chill down my spine. There is absolutely something very hideous about the structure of the cockroach. It could either be its long antenne groping around and feeling (I have a conviction that they actually are fear sensors), or those oooh-so-yucky looking eyes that can give Payal Rohatgi a run for her money (but still can’t beat He-man-shoo Malik’s acting prowess!! Yeah! I so much was waiting to say that!! Phew! Glad I got that out of my chest!). And those legs lined up with the prickly protrusions that have absolutely convinced me that the cockroaches are the godzillas of the pest world! Not to mention some of who have the exemplary powers of actually taking to flight, and send me on a marathon race all around the room, trying to dodge, screaming at the top of my voice much to the amusement of my absolutely enchanted room mates.
Under what extreme frustration did God conceive of this creature? Did he himself throw-up in disgust after that was completed? Questions galore! I still remember, that the only thing that’d get me shut my mouth and sit and study during my childhood was this darn creepy villain, whom my uncle would playfully catch and hover all around me (sweating profusely in all the wrong places!!!) till I’d take the book and get my **** down on the floor to read. *sigh There were times when he’d drop a dead one on me, and watch what was a fairly good impression of Michael Jackie-gone-loonie-with-masai-tribes-of-Africa dance, and even video shoot the entire scenario, which I bet he is planning to show my future kids (which is another reason I have decided to abstain from marriage! ).
To add shame to insult, even the education department of Karnataka is hands in glove with my uncle, and that explains why they’d want an absolutely non-violent guy like me (who immediately engages in a swift maneuvor of defence called “The Hare exit” whenever a cockroach were to enter my vicinity) to dissect an entire cockroach! On that fateful, much as I tried to escape (and am not gonna tell u all suckers what all I did! So there.. yaaaahhh), did eventually end up on the dissection table. The attendant brought a jar full of that-which-has-been-named-all-over-this-blogpost. And picked out one of it, and laid it infront of me. “Do not worry pa! This is dead..hehehehehe” I stared at it for a very long time, trying to find an inkling of life in the body structure, and after summoning nearly three thousand of the three crore Gods, I picked up the forceps to pick it up to pin it down on the board. And just as I touched it, one of the legs slightly quivered…… the next thing I know was of me, knife in hand, ala Rekha (hmmm.. can’t I think of another better example.. hmmm..uhhhh) in “Phool bane angaare” pounding on it madly, almost in a fit, till what lay before me couldn’t even remotely be related to an organism. The fact that my college friends still have stomach aches, when they think of it, is something that we shall very carefully draw curtains on.
To think that my stay in USA would have been devoid of their existence was a mirage. But one thing I was convinced of, is that anyday the Indian cockroaches(Blaberus giganteus) could give the American brethren a run of their money! I’ll tell you, these silly dumb periplanetus Americanas shall run helter and skelter if they’d see their Asian brethrens! They are so tiny, that am almost convinced that they don’t even wait to grow up, and all already generating their offsprings. Now these are the one entities I found absolutely unthreatening, and would get back at them with a vengeance unparalleled, a macho that I was! Before long, the phantom’s revenge was lying in wait for me! Right on the day I moved into the new rented house in Coimbatore, that night horror of horrors, not less than 30 cockroaches were holding a round sink tube conference sinisterly planning on evacuating us from their strong hold. Not to be undone, I, with a great courage and high valor summoned upon my room mates, handing each of them with brooms, boots and the good ol’ HIT! Safely posting myself on the kitchen pedestal, I just stopped short of doing a cheer group act, as they ran behind the members of the conference, exterminating them! Uhahahahahaha - Mogambo Khush hua!
Well, all said and done, I still have not been able to figure out just why they had to exist in my life!! So far, no girl has ever run into my arms, having been chased by a cockroach, and I repeat, that has nothing to do with me running much ahead of her! Equally confusing is the fact that a few of my Asian brethren somehow seem to fancy them to satisfy their appetite! I’d like to have a thorough examination of the mental status of the first person who viewed a cockroach, and exclaimed “Now there’s something that looks tasty to eat!” ugggghhhhhhh…. So let’s lay that option also to rest. But then, for a creature that is known to survive even a nuclear holocaust, all it takes is a stick broom, or a hawaii chappal to have its innards spilled out. But that is something that I have very sportively left for my roomies to do! As for me, its time I scoot….

Parting stunt:- When in America, refrain from using the word - Cockroaches, they are called only “roaches” over there, the reason, is something that we shall refrain from sharing with the mass for purely aesthetic reasons.

Regardant de retour

2007-03-14T11:56:00.000-05:00

3 long months... I even missed the 2nd year Burrday celebrations of my blogspace! My reader community has been disappointed with me... and I don't know if what I may say, will be construed as an excuse! But I am offering none! So what was so worthwhile that kept me away from blogging?!

Going by the past postings, if one were to feel that it was the job hunt, I would have to say, with all sincerity, "NO"! I knew I will get a job, a good one at that, but there was a lot more that I felt that needs to be done. And to give form to my ambition, my aunt landed in India. And that was how my work for the Comprehensive Stroke Management Center, started by my aunt in Bangalore, began. The responsibilities vested on me were multiferous, and educative. Not only was it an enriching experience, it was truly humbling. To serve mankind, and to connect to them at a spiritual level, realizing the oneness of the self with the universe, and through this, the true divinity vested inside us all - that is the essence of human life! And that is the path, that I have set out on.

And then again, the mundane affairs that still tie one down! A laptop that served faithfully for 3 years is finally in the ICU, requiring a critical IC transplant, that has to happen for it to survive. The Tech-docs say that even if the donor IC is available, the transplant itself is a very delicate procedure, and one can only hope for a success! "Hum poori koshish karenge, baaki sab Uparvaale ke haath mein hai"..... Cut!

Scene change... at the door steps of a temple... "tum ne meri DVDs mujhse cheen li... maine kuch nahin kaha... mere VCDs ko barbaad kar diye, main chup raha... uff na kiya.. sab kuch sehta raha... kabhie tum se kuch nahin maanga! Lekin aaj! AAAAJ! main chup nahin rahoonga! mujhe mera laptop lauta de.. bhagwan! mujhe mera laptop lauta de... " bells ringing.... chambels sounding all over...

Voice from the sky: Bete... abhi tere laptop theek hone mein thodi der lagegi..tab tak.. tum desktop use karo!

Me: thank you bhagwan.. thank you....

********* EXIT SINGING ALA HIMMESH RESHAMMIAH**********

And that done... now for the grand finale.... I got a job in Cognizant Technology Solutions.. yippeee.. hurray... wowza.... and all that later... the flip side is.. I will be moving to Coimbatore! And that is going to happen on Friday. Somehow, my life seems to have more dynamism, than I estimated. And so.. here I am signing off for another few days... on my way to a new adventure.. a new journey... a new path to be set!

A passin' thought....

2006-12-15T12:38:00.000-06:00

Ghar se masjid hai bahut door
Chalo yun kar lein
Kisi rote hue bachhe ko hansaaya jaaye..

Lines taken from Jagjit Singh's album - INSIGHT (Song "Apna Gam") Written by Nida Fazli.

A Stranger At Home [Part -2]

2006-12-02T12:06:00.000-06:00

I wonder what it is about staying away from home that really changes a person. Is it the sheer freedom that he gets to taste, or the responsibility that comes veiled along with it. Whatever it is, it was evident that I had changed. For the better or for the worse is yet to be determined. "I really don't understand why you have to stay up for so long in the night and sleep all through the morning!!! It is not healthy for your body you know! You werent' like this when you were here! How early you used to get up and collect the flowers, and do the pooja! Now you don't even bow down properly in front of the God, or sing the prayers! What has become of you!!" the exasperated cries from my mother only bade me pull the covers all over me, and huddle up on the bed. I was able to get off the initial days on the pretext of jet-lags. But it was evident that the pretext wouldn't last for long. It is hard to convince them of the efficacy of working at nights especially when during the day time they have the annoying TV turned on.

Well, in all sincerity it is not the TV that is so much annoying as the local programs that they watch. I was more accustomed to the occassional National Geographic, Discovery, and FRIENDS on the lighter side, not to mention the animations. They found them repulsive. I was only trying to draw a compromise between these polarities. The fall of night had offered me the shoulder to lean on and do my work in peace. Am I rationalizing? I wish I knew a sincere answer to this question.

The plans of relaxing and frolicking the initial 2 weeks of my return was dashed as soon as I landed. There were responses to my job applications and a series of interviews had been lined up. How I wished that I be left in peace for sometime! Needless to say, most of them were dashed on the rocks. "You know, I really don't think you are putting in your sincere efforts on the job front" - It was now the turn of my father. "All you do is sit in the house and say that you are applying over through emails. We used to go out and look out for jobs. Why dont you visit the companies and drop your profiles everywhere?!! Am I supposed to tell you all this? I expected you to have learnt something after having gone to US for so many years! Seems like all you have learnt is junk! Your degree isn't serving any purpose! It was a waste, what with you still remaining jobless!! Why don't you atleast enquire about some courses that you can do here through which you could get a job! Huh?! All you do is sit in your room in front of your laptop and work away to glory, that I fail to see anywhere approaching!!" The seething emotions inside me took a long time to cool down. I wanted to shriek that it had hardly been a couple of weeks since I returned! I wanted a respite from all this. I decided I will get out of the house and go and drop the resumes at a few companies close by.

A Stranger At Home [Part -1]

2006-11-24T12:04:00.000-06:00

The swift wind blowing through the window made me pull the overcoat tighter and closer around my body. I glanced outside the window of the moving vehicle, not willing to shut it down. I wanted to look at the streets, the racing view of the stores, people walking by, engrossed in my own thoughts. The mind deciphered with disinterest, the fleeting images.

"So, how does it feel to be back home?," Shashi quipped. I looked at him. He was watching me through the rear view mirror. "It feels natural chikkappa (Uncle). It's my house, I am feeling just fine." I smiled. He smiled back, "It has changed a lot. What say we stop for a cold badam milk? You haven't had proper food all through the flight journey. We can also pick up some sweets for home." I liked the offer but was apprehensive of my parents who would be waiting anxiously. After he assured that it would be quick, I readily accepted. We stopped at Mishra's Bakery. I loved their Dharwad pedas. "Let's get some of 'em." I looked at the prices and whistled. "WOW! Look at that. They sure cost dearer than when I left Bangalore or should I say Bengalooru!". We bought a few other delicacies alongwith it, gulped down the milk and Shashi went on to cough up the bucks.

"Well look at you! You have just landed back from the US of A, a Masters Graduate! Why do you worry about money, you deserve this and a lot more of treats!" he made a rather vocal observation, that made me look at him with a wide eyed, embarassingly amused look. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks. The cashier hitherto nonchalant, instantly paused and fixed his gaze at me for a while, flashed a smile, acknowledging the words of my uncle. I reciprocated rather sheepishly and hurried towards the van. "Thanks a lot for reminding me that!," I said sharply. "Cool down! Didn't you notice how he seemed pleased with your presence in his stall?," Shashi winked at me. "What more! He didn't mind me paying him 2 Rs less than the actual price!". "Oh! What a kill Shashi.. what a kill!" I got down from the van, pulling out my luggage.

My parents were at the door, my mother with a smile on her face. "My! You haven't reduced one bit! How much pizzas and ice creams have you been stuffing yourself with!! Go and washup, I will lay the dinner." In between my father enquired about the flight, the delays and the customs. To each one his own, I thought and smiled to myself. "Your friends have been calling up since morning! They sure do keep track of your whereabouts!," said Amma. "I was wondering why you haven't yet brought up that topic!," I retorted. The luggage was instantly rummaged, the goodies disposed off, the rest divided amidst the gathered, and I hit the bed.

Jst 4 Fn!!

2006-11-09T03:27:00.000-06:00

Oh! My revered readers I beg thee pardon for I hath refrained from providing thy honored presence with anything worthwhile to pen about. But lest, thou shalt all abandon me in grave disappointment, here I am, better being late than never, updating this haloed space, one that is glowing not by my incoherent talks, but rather by thine revered presences!!!

---------------------------------------------@-------------------------------------------------

Well now lets time travel to circa 2020 A.D:-

Hey buddy! Sup man? U knw hw lng 'ts been since this spc ws updtd by dum' ol' me! Say I sure hpe u guyz weren't disapntd. U knw all this talk abt. upgradng the academic wrld 2 accept the sms lingo yaar! Ain't it kewl! ;) Jst imagine sm day v cld all b jst cnvrsng like this. Who wd wanna hv all those dum' ol' grammar daa.. so boring! geez! Like that bloke in 2day's toi daa hez so kewl man! He sd it rt - coz we chat dude, n v sms 4 hrs naa.. n v wanna b soundng kewl.. so I say 2 hell with strctrs maaan.. da only strctrs 2 thnk of shld b dat of chix maccha! Gawdddd.. I sw this dame maaan.. she wz soooo haaawwwtttt!!! Well.. nw letz cm bck 2 da topic dawg! Nw jst imagine dawg hw kewl itz gonna snd 2 do off wth all da dmb ol' vwls n shrnk da wrds, 'tz gonna sv lotz of ink dawg, nt 2 mnton da papers 2 wrt on man! Bt den who knws may b v'll 've jst chattng man.. u knw like.. da prof cd jst cht on his m/c n he cd ask his Qs naa n v'd jst type out our Ans out der! No need 2 sit in da dmb brng exm halls maccha!! V r so advncd man, this is whtz being progressive abt in edn dude! Luk @ UK they've dun it da, bt. dum' ol' desis, dey 've no modernity da, they'd rthr jst stck 2 dmb ol' wayz n meanz. M kwl maccha.. if m gonna b da edn mnstr da frst thng 2 do'd b 2 pt sms lingo daa. say wanna cm, ltz go out n frk out maaan... v shld 've da drn pubs open all nite dawg.. v r strssd bg tm maccha.. v shld gt 2 rwnd! Da only kewl wy 2 rlx mst b 2 hng out in da bars n pubs n kewl dwn wid beers n drnks man! Cmn ltz go n prty!!!!

The Language of Our "Times"

2006-10-02T13:38:00.000-05:00

After a rather long hibernation (one that wasn't without reason), its time to update this space with some more ramblings. So be cautioned that unless you are interested in something serious, do not venture further, for this ain't gonna be one fun ride this time!

ISSUE: The decision by the Karnataka Govt. to withdraw recognition to nearly 1,400 schools which have flouted the directive by the government ordering the medium of instruction in primary schools to be in the mother tongue.

The history of this problem is not new found. Infact these schools have been flourishing since 12 years inspite of blatantly violating the directives by the government. There are two facets to look into this issue. First of all is the audacity of the management of the schools which procured recognition from the Government under the pretext that they will provide the primary school instruction in Kannada, and secondly the apathy of the Governments that were in power all these years but yet turned a blind eye towards such defaulters. But these are a matter of another discussion.

Times of India that blows its horns as being a "peoples' newspaper"- what with a huge circulation, promptly scandalized the issue making it a front page material and wrote elaborately about the "harmful" decision made by the Education Minister. Not only that, they very meticulously showcased the comments of several students who complained about the injustice being meted out to them, and the importance of English in the global market, and how the decision of the government is detrimental to their futures. What was even more ridiculous was the comments by previous Education ministers who mentioned all the "awarding" actions done under them, and made it a point to mention that, had they been allowed to continue in power, how they would have helped the students. There is no need for any special mention herein as to the underlying motive behind those comments.

Things apart, the rather ironic fact is, "Times of India" that took up verbal arms mocking the decision by the Goverment while at the same time thumping upon the importance of English, has NEVER in my memory, EVER raised its voice about the deteriorating position of Kannada in Bangalore. The sheer hypocrism of this media figure was visible in the way it showcased for the cause of English. The fact that Kannada is becoming a forgotten language in Bangalore, where even kannadigas are shying away from Kannada, is a long established fact. Several years have been passed with a small group of patrons urging the locals constantly to not give up their linguistic identity. But alarmingly enough the deterioration of Kannada has only increased exponentially. Why is it that the TOI group doesn't seem to hear their cries?

The sheer commercial nature of this paper is outpouring in its sheets visibly. Can much sense by attributed to this media icon that finds even the boot-dirt of Karan Johar and Shahrukh Khan worthy of admiration? Their nauseating boot-licking policies not only leave me aghast and gaping for air, but also infuriated enough to write such hard hitting columns. The most important attribute of a mass media should be one of unbiased, detached, and analytic view of any given situation. TOI fails miserably in this scale. When it comes to glitz, glamour and oomph, it oozes out of its pages and the hollow, materialistic columns that the glossy weekend issues portray.

Coming back to the talk at hand, while it is absolutely unarguable that the children studying in these schools are being put through unwanted misery, the newspaper flaunted only the administrative mistakes while drawing curtains over the glaring deeds related to the school management's unholy activities, and the concern over the deteriorating local language. They have never failed to take out a procession on the deeds they are doing to give a cosmopolitan image to Bangalore at the cost of destroying the local culture and aura. It is apalling to realize that with such a vast readership, they are capable of meting out deadly blows to the minds of the readers and more so the younger generation.

The present generation if anything, is losing its ability to think independently. Mass hysteria of imitating foreign behaviors without distinctly understanding the societal and cultural aspects behind them is growing unhindered - thanks to the fueling works of such detrimental mediums. I am hoping for a revolution to happen in the management of the Times Group, one that would remove the scum present currently and bring the worthy to the forefront. The answer for this prayer is but hidden in the depths of time, meanwhile, I guess the bollywood actors and actresses may get a brief respite while my attention is turned towards other forms of media. What Say Thou?

Home.. At Last...

2006-09-17T14:15:00.000-05:00

Reached Bangalore..on 14th of September in the night (instead of early morning.. thanks to bad weather.. missed flights and delayed flights...). But the thing is.. I am finally home.. will update soon.. till then.. hope you all will share my happiness! Till my further updates.. take care buddies.. and thanks a lot for all your support... mail me if u want to get in touch with me..

It's Only Words...

2006-09-06T18:47:00.000-05:00

Today, was a feel good day. I accomplished a few things that I had been planning on from a very long time since. This made me happy, and my heart was light. At that point of time, I was rather more jovial than my usual self, and I was chatting with a friend of mine. In the swing of the moment, when you want to spread that feel goodness to everyone, and make them all a part of your enjoyment and merriment, I tried to tease him. And most unexpectedly the event turned around when he crisply reprimanded me for being too casual in my remarks and reminded me to stay within my limits. Apparently, the closeness that I felt with him, was not the same closeness he felt with me. Needless to say, I felt deeply hurt, and then I felt wronged. I felt that it was unjust on his part of have misread my words, and interpreted it in anyway other than being jovial.. and most certainly they were not meant to demean him in any way. I could not get over the anger and the frustration, and rather kept brooding on it, and the feel goodness that was there moments ago, had all suddenly vanished. I knew that I was letting negative thoughts hamper my day, but yet could not figure out how to curb it.

Later that day, while I was driving back home, the record still playing in my mind continuously... I realized something. I recited to myself the prayer of St. Francis, and one particular sentence in that which said.. to understand rather than be understood. I recited that prayer once again, and my heart felt light once more. I recognized that it was my ego that had veiled my eyes. I could not see beyond my hurt feelings. In the new found light, I realized that it is not necessary that everyone feel close to us the same way as we do towards them. Maybe it hurts our ego, but once we get over it, we grow to accept them as they are. And it really doesn't matter that everyone love us the way we love them either! That should not be the scale for giving out our love when they are in need. Maybe he had a hard day, maybe I indeed overstepped my boundaries that he had probably set for me. I may have been oblivious to that, but yet, apparently my words hurt him.

I wish there was a way I could undo it, but I can't. I have tried to understand rather than brood over being misunderstood. But yet, my words hurt someone today... it will take me sometime to get over the remorse...

In touch with humanity...

2006-09-04T18:31:00.000-05:00

I love to stay in public places. There is something wonderful about being in airports, train stations, malls, shopping complexes and watching the multitudes of humans around us; their faces raft with expressions reflecting the myriad emotions and thoughts running amock in the cosmic field of their minds; each of them being the rulers in their own world; their own concerns; completely oblivious of their minuscule presence in a much larger ecosphere. Its an amazing show playing continuously 24/7, all 365 days, with the actors shifting stages - one in which from a different relative point of view, I too am a part of!

It is indeed an experience that I had in one such crowded railway compartment that has prompted me to write after a long sojourn. We call ourselves human isn't it? What more? We are educated humans! Well employed, comfortably settled, and able in various aspects - social, physical, financial, etc etc etc. But then, how often have we truly been "human", "educated", and "civilized"?

How many of us have extended a helping hand to a person struggling with luggages? Made a stranger in a place, comfortable? Helped a recluse person in a corner of a party, to feel at ease and mingle with everyone? Education, as such that we have obtained, has only increasingly built barriers between hearts. It has created an unjust inequality. Be it the exploitation of the same by the political parties on the pretext of empowerment of the lower castes (through reservations) or any major degree holder putting down another person with less qualification. The student community in India has finally made its voice and opinion heard regarding the reservation in educational institutions. It is time, that we all also dwelve deep inside us, and take a hard close look at the reservations we harbor in our hearts and minds - of discrimination, of callousness, of negligence, of inhumanity. One need not commit a grave crime to be called a monster. We are all monsters at some point of time. Those moments when we chose to ignore the old person trying hard to cross a street, shut our eyes to the travails of elderly travellers trying to figure their way out in airports or train stations or bus stops, ignored the frail person struggling hard to pull his luggage out of the belt, extended our cold stare to a stranger looking for a smiling face - all of these and much more are instances of our inhumanity, that somehow seems insignificant, and negligible. Are we educated? Are we truly human?

Surviving the Wild...

2006-08-20T00:11:00.000-05:00

Errr... ahem! (Cautiously tip-toes.. looking around... hoping for some readers lurking in the corners. Not finding any.. there is a sense of strange relief and and also disappointment!) Now before you jump into the conclusion that am a refined version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, lemme assure that my polarity of emotions is just normal and am surprised you guys are not yet used to it. Ok.. so where was I?! Ahh! Now I remember!

Had been watchin' Animal Planet. They had a show about 2 cheetahs bred in captivity (their mother having been killed by a lion), which were let out in the wild to survive. It was a very moving documentary that vividly showed the bonding between the two sibling cheetahs and the human being in charge of taking care of them. The documentary captured the moments of their life very impressively - especially the ones where one of the 2 cheetahs helps its brother to overcome the fear of water, the way they learn to hunt for their food, their first kill, and so on. It was the ending that came as a surprise still - one of the two gets killed in the night by a lion. Needless to mention the other cheetah is in immense pain and terror over the loss of its sibling, and the caretaker was already in tears. What really got me thinking was what he said towards the end of the documentary. To summarize his quote, he confesses that maybe it would have been better for the life of these two animals to have just bred them in captivity for their entire life. They would have been safe and sound. But it would have stolen from them the very nature of their being, the wildness and freedom which makes cheetahs mesmerizing creatures. When I turned off the TV, the mind that was struggling hard to get myself to write something, suddenly felt at ease.

My mind is being torn apart. I have decided to come back to India, and now a lot of people are continuously calling me and convincing me (even to the point of fighting with me over it) against it. Their argument being that I don't know what would happen out there! The uncertainity of finding a job; and even if I did - whether or not it would pay me well; and even if it did - whether or not I would enjoy the work environment, so on and so forth. The recent turn of events have rather clogged my mind and drained all the ability to think clearly. How does one clear the mind under such circumstances? I am contemplating withdrawal from the civilization! Hehehehe.. now that I know is far fetched. For one, my nature itself doesn't permit me to do it. The moment of solitude that I gather here and there, are spent in silence... as they seem so precious that I do not feel like spoiling it with such dreary thoughts. Frankly speaking it is the uncertainity that is the root cause behind all this. Why is man's life so uncertain afterall? Is it so that he has a purpose to live? What would the cheetah have done if it had known that it would die if it were let out in the wild? Would it choose to live albeit in captivity and forego its nature? Or would it still choose to taste its freedom, however short lived it may have been?

What shall I choose, that would keep me dignified in my own eyes? It is my homeland that I am returning to. The wild was the homeland of the cheetah too. It also proved to be its death ground. What is in store for me? I wonder...

Musafir hoon yaaron....

2006-08-02T08:06:00.000-05:00

Statutory warning:- Prepare for a long and monotonous soliloquy!! Don't tell me I didn't warn you!

I do owe an apology and probably an explanation for my outbreaks and absence all these days. I have debated in my mind a lot whether or not to share the details of all that had happened these days with me. To say that I have been on a roller coaster ride ever since the year has started would literally sum up the mood swings that you have all been witness to! Moments of elation and moments of despair that are so much a part of everyone's life, have been my regular visitors. Much as I have tried to keep my composure maintained during these days, I have oft broken down beyond any comprehension. Guess it doesn't hurt being human at times!

My blog has often given you all a glimpse of some portions of my life, albeit with veiled details. In our relationship as an insignificant and yet officious writer and a significant and seemingly interested reader, we have avoided a lot of specifics and going by the same trend, I will still appraise you of what has passed.

The year started with a lot of promise only to be devastated. Then came the challenge of graduating, which was not an easy path, what with an unco-operative advisor hell bent on making the situation worse each passing day. Couple that with dwindling confidence and patience and you will pretty much get an idea of how it was. And then came the promise of eventual liberation by my advisor, only to be broken at the last moment - in a bid to avenge for past issues! What that set was a whole new series of war where I had to fight for what I deserved. It did culminate in a victory, but as the days proved, the battle was not yet over. On the day of me ending the 2.5 year long journey, the residue of the past again grew momentously in size and appeared again in front of me - just when I was an inch away from my goal. At that moment the years of efforts, tears and toil that I had shed seemed worthless and ineffective infront of the towering hurdle. I was failing - in my strength, in my conviction, and belief in everything good and worthwhile. I did not want to give up till the last and then again set about mustering the strength to shake the pillars of the university - banging every door till I was heard right at the top level. This new found strength was the result of the well wishes and blessings of so many friends, admirers and companions that I find it exceedingly hard not to choke with tears recalling them all..... hitherto strangers, or acquaintances, stood up to the occassion, friends rallied behind me, and loved ones held me up in my final battle to get my coveted degree. I have now achieved it.

At the hind sight I see ruins... of myself. But out of those very ashes like a phoenix, I was reborn each time, my faith in good, and justice being upheld intact. The God, that I have trusted who held out his hand, inspite of my thousand shortcomings... yes... I have grown. There is a quote in the office of my assistant director - Growing old is a must, growing up is optional. I might even add - growing up is painful. I don't know what a pupa undergoes in metamorphosizing into a butterfly. May be it despairs too. The thing that is really scary is the change. I do know that it is exciting! But there is the fear of the unknown. In my case, I feared returning a loser. I feared empty hands that would not testify for my years of patience, and work. I feared the disappointment of my parents. Fear is not a feeling to be harbored in the mind.

I live a small life. But I know it is significant to a lot of people around me. There are moments when I have wondered.. what it is that I do? I know that I have lived a rather momentous life thus far; so many events, and happenings that has changed me a lot. But what is it that is guiding all this? What was the whole purpose of something so heavy like a mountain being placed on my back in the first place, and later on being lifted off like a feather?!! Some may say that my faith was being tested.. haven't I been tested enough? I am not complaining.. but am just wondering. Now at a very critical juncture, I stand at crossroads. While the heart wishes to return to India, the intellect advises to stay here and get some experience. It is yet another moment of change. I have made a choice - I am moving to New Jersey to join a new job. A new place, a new set of people, a new set of relationships.. maybe a new set of problems!!! Amidst all this, there is the dream - of home. A place though not devoid of problems of its own, is still mine to keep. I hope I can return soon to the familiar faces and open arms of loved ones.

The choices we make define us. Does this choice define me too? How would I be defined if I were to give up all of this, and return back home to make a fresh start? There is a part of me that is tired of this long fight... there is a part of me brazing up for a new expedition. I have often called myself an explorer.. someone who craves a lot of excitement and action and thrill.. and yet here I am, sober and hesitant. But it is time.. I have to move...

Ek raah ruk gayi.. toh aur jud gayi

main muda toh saath saath raah mud gayi

hava ke paron par mera aashiyaana.....

2006-07-26T15:24:00.000-05:00

2006-07-20T20:26:00.000-05:00

Sitting on a burning pyre,
A fire within the mind;
What hurts more is hard to say,
Where it hurts is hard to find.

My own ashes piling high,
My own dreams burning nigh,
Alone in my moments of pain,
Lost in ruins, losses are my only gain.

Des mere.. des mere...

2006-07-16T11:10:00.000-05:00

A man rising in the world is not concerned with history; he is too busy making it. But a citizen with a fixed place in the community wants to acquire a glorious past just as he acquires antique furniture. By that past he is reassured of his present importance; in it he finds strength to face the dangers that lie in front of him.

Malcolm Cowley

History, I have always believed, is being made a rebuke these days. This has seemed more true in the case of my country than any other as I see it. I do not know if my vision is flawed, but I see what I see! The reason I say this is that each time a calamity strikes our nation in the form of terrorist attacks, there is a huge hue and cry, the world over condemning the attacks, and invariably references are made to the long history we have had of peace and understanding! The nation that preached universal brotherhood to the world, is now being made target of by anti-social elements! We call upon the memories of the great leaders who taught us virtues, values of peace and harmony, and through that we strive to find solace from the wounds inflicted on us, seemingly oblivious to the underlying causes, or consciously choosing to ignore it.

The bombing of the crowded trains in Bombay is such a cowardly act by the militants, that it even fails to elicit words of rebuke! Hundreds of common men are victimized for the sheer power play of the people in authoritative positions. Much like the mute spectator in R K Laxman's sketches, the common man continues to live his daily life, licking his wounds and healing himself. While the resilience of the Mumbaites is absolutely commendable.. nay laudable with supreme honors, the hackneyed measures adopted by the government is as always pedestrian.

When diseased, as important it is to find the cause of the disease and remedy, it is also equally important to understand the circumstances, the surroundings and the environment that led to the breeding of such pathologic germs! Is it human nature? Ofcourse it is. We are all militants in our own small ways! Every common man is involved in a power struggle in his own domain. What we are observing in my nation is the manifestation of the same on a large scale, because the perpetrators of it are capable of greater impact due to their authoritative powers.

Instead of calling upon our history and lamenting the deterioration of value system, and indulging in self-pity over the victimization, it is time we bear the gauntlet and "go to the mattresses". But who do we wage the war against? It is always a nice place to start from our own home. If we are attacked by the diseases, it is because we have given these disease causing agents and environment to breed within us. The first measure should be to hunt them down and eliminate them from the surrounding. It is a cleaning that is long due, the only question being, who will bell the cat?

These are the moments, when I feel the act of staying safely in a foreign nation, and analysing the situations in my motherland to be one of helpless complacency. I wish I could come back soon. It is frustrating to be caught in the obligations and commitments of one's duties towards one's family, one's culture and one's nation. What gets precedence is a matter of individual choice. As for me, I can only wish that the history that we so much gloat about would choose to repeat itself, rebringing the long lost peace, and harmony into the streets of the nation.

Vain Affairs Of An Egotistical Mind!

2006-07-06T20:45:00.000-05:00

One of those idle evenings when your mind just does not want to exercise, well I indulge in exploring fun aspects of my personality through some dumb personality tests! So here are some of the results. So basically what I am trying to say here is, I am too bored or lazy to even think of anything consequential to write about in my blog space! So thatz that! But oh well, whatever pleases the ego!

You Are Teal Green

You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you.
Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.
While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks.
Your warm personality nicely counteracts any strange habits you may have.

What Color Green Are You?

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.

You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.

You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.

In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.

At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.

With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.

As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.

On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Quiet Flows the River - Part 2

2006-06-19T09:57:00.001-05:00

One day, the river suddenly met a torrential flow of water on its path! "Who are you?!" it asked in absolute bewilderment. "I am you", came the reply - swift and clear. "Me?! How can that be?! Look at you! you are so different! So clear, fresh and lively! How can you be me?" the river refused to believe. "Indeed, so it is, for an eye untrained! Look from your inner eye, and you shall see who you are", came the reply. The river closed its eyes, and looked deep within. Indeed there it was, the same torrential flow, with dazzling, lucid water, fresh and sparkling its radiance all along. "I don't understand this, how is it that if you are me, I see you as different?" the river asked. In a flash, the water merged into the river. In utter disbelief, the river watched as it started filling with cool, clear water, the filth moving off to the banks, washing away everything that hurt the river, the debris of the past, the scum of the men, everything washed away, as the water level rose within it. There was a new flow of life streaming into the river, ebbing away the distress that had bottled up inside its heart.

"Now, look! Are we different? Can you separate you from me?! Which water is you, and which part of water is me?" the voice questioned. The river looked at itself, there was no way it could tell the difference. "Where were you all these days? Why did you take so long to come to me? I have been in much pain" lamented the river. "That is not so. I was with you all the while. You had just lost sight of me. It was because you forgot that I was within you, that I had to come out of you, and appear like this", the voice assured. "Now I am back in you, and there shall I remain, with you forever and ever, with no separation." The river smiled. As the river smiled, the forest reappeared on its banks, life sprang from the earth, and the river felt its creatures returning to the womb.

"I now understand", said the river, "the growing filth thrown into me, had made me forget myself, who I am, and what I am of. You are my manifestation, and you have returned to me. You were the part of me, who I had lost long ago, and now you have come back to me. It is my nature to wash away, and in the cycle of life, there are moments when the water recedes, but only to fill up later. I saw myself in the eyes of the creatures who defiled me, and now that I see myself through your eyes, I see myself as I truly am! I am a river, and flowing is my nature."

Before long, man rushed to see the river growing in magnitude, clear and fresh as it was before! "Look! A miracle! The river has rejuvenated! It is divine indeed!" man cried! And lo! behold, he and his companions rejoiced for they felt that the river was restored to cleanse them again! The river looked at them in silent sympathy. It no longer feared man. Weary of man's hypocrism, it asked "Where is the chasm that is drawing me to itself? Do you have any idea how much longer we need to go?" "I don't! Just like the way you don't know. But does it matter? It's a long journey, and now I am here. Your companion forever, I am you. So why fear the journey, let's take our own sweet time. What say you?" the voice replied joyfully. The river smiled. It looked towards the horizon, it seemed rather near, and yet far off. "What say, we turn around that corner, and have a lil' chat with that good ol' mountain we see there far off?" the river asked. "Off we go!" came the reply.

As the creatures, the sky, the clouds, all stood in rapt attention, the waters cut across, turning at the corner, in a wild glory. The laughter and glee filled the void in the atmosphere, and yet deep within it all, there was a silent song of peace, solitude and love.

The story like this has much been told,

For it sings of the mighty, strong and bold.

Yet there is a secret, hidden in it deep!

Of a love of the self, like a dream in the sleep.

A moral it shows for the eyes untrained,

What went behind it, is a knowledge ungained.

There is a love between two that this shows,

None but the river, is all that knows.

Quiet Flows the River!

2006-06-19T09:57:00.000-05:00

Far upon the lush green mountains with their peaks covered with snow, and their valleys bereft with flowers and meadows, a river is born. Its crystal clear waters shining in the morning sun, reflecting with equal aplomb the dazzling rays and dancing its way through the cavernous depths of the mountain, it carves its way towards a chasm that seems to draw the river to itself.

Wild with gay abandon, the river fills the forests and valleys with its playful batter echoing into the hearts of the environment. Its laughter beckoning the creatures of nature to itself, in a wild amazement! "This must be the idea of a paradise", the river thought.

It descended the mountains into the plains, still carving its way, now in puzzlement over the changing scenes. Before long came man! "Oh! Look at the crystal clear water" he said! And in that he saw his own grotesque form! He feared what the river showed, and in fear he cowered! "The river is the redeemer, it showeth to me my follies, and in it shall I forsake 'em and make myself pure" he thought! In feigned veneration, he dipped himself into the river, and cast his murk into it. The nature of the river was to wash away, and so it did. "I am redeemed of my sins, and ugliness! Now I can get as dirty as I want to, the river is here to clean me!" the man rejoiced, and before long brought others to the river. The river washed them all, hiding their filth in its depths! The river was taken for granted. Man learnt to defile the river with his filth! "It washes it all away!" he assumed. The river carried it along the flow! All along the path, men cast more murk into its darkening waters! The friends of the river, the fishes and the creatures of the water, soon abandoned it, or died within.

"It is in the nature of the river to help us!", so man thought. And in thinking so, they checked its flow, diverted its path, exploited the river. The river was choked with bewilderment, sadness and grief. "Let us trace the river to its origin!" claimed the Man. And followed its course to up the mountains! The trees of the forests were cut, the animals killed! Their bodies strewn into the flow, the river bore witness. In silence the river wept, the tears washed away by its own waters! Nature held the river a traitor, the sun shined with disgust, scorching its waters. As the river lost its water, the hidden filth of the man shown!
And the man was scared... scared that his dirt shall now be exposed! And in despair, his cunning showed! "Oh Look Hither!" he cried, "the river is filthy! There in its depths lies its own putrid filth! Oh what a swindle this turned out to be!" He refused to see his filth and attributed it to the river. "The river spreads diseases, shunned it must be! And so did no animal, or bird or man ever approach the river! Lonely and abandoned the river continued to carve its way, in desperate search for its never ending chasm.

Before long, nature smiled again, and it rained, and snowed, and the river was fresh. Along came a water fowl, the most beautiful that the river had ever seen. A very colorful fowl with rich feathers and graceful body. The river smiled at the bird, and the bird smiled back. "Would you like to dwell on me?" The river asked with delight! It felt the life returning to its waters... "Oh I'd love to!" said the water fowl. "Would you be with me, for this journey?" the river asked. "So I shall!" it replied. And they travelled long distances, till one day, another bird landed next to the water fowl. "The river hides filth in its depths!" said the bird. "Do not trust the river for its cunning and a cheat! The men were talking so" said the bird.

That night the fowl spoke to the river. "How can I trust you? You are a river! The bird is one of mine!" the fowl said to the river. The river smiled in silent grief. "Fly my dear", it said "and stay happy wherever you are". The bird flew off. Stricken with grief more severe, the river flowed in silent mourning. In silence it lamented at how ghastly and vicious it had become. "I am a monster", it thought to itself.

Hitting a Century and a Tag!!

2006-06-12T14:47:00.000-05:00

The ball has been passed down from Disha to Manju. Manju is eyeing Praveen very intently. The crowd awaits with baited breathe! It's a turning point in this blog match, and its the clash of the titans! Manju wants to throw a yorker completely baffling the batsman, and embarassing him into accepting 6 of his most weird facts! The ball comes rolling down the air making a swishing noise.. Praveen swings the bat, and the ball is swung into the high air with one swift move! Praveen is standing still! Following the trajectory of the ball! Manju follows it intently looking forward to catching the ball and throwing Praveen out of the match, thus gaining the vantage point in this series! There goes the ball.. higher and higher.. and Oh God! What a moment! What a glorifying moment!! The ball has clearly crossed the boundary into the seatings, bouncing over 6 other peoples whose names I guess we will be disclosing shortly! Oh! What a shot! And Praveen has now hit his century!!!! A momentous day in the life of "Soliloquies in Hiding!" The 100th Post by Praveen! And that resulted by the tag of Manju!! *claps *claps *claps!! The bowler acknowledges the feat! Manju and Praveen are seen hugging (The Awwwwwwwwww moment from Karan Johan Productions! Its a Kodak moment rite there!) *hugs *hugs *hugs.. the crowd is going hysterical! More Roaring ovations! Praveen gracefully acknowledges it all!

And now coming to the details of the tag.... most of us, including me, are accused of being involved in a scam equally scandalous as that of those pesky emails that prophecize luck or wealth or happiness if we pass on the mantra, or the saying, or the quotes to a bunch of people. Even more annoying are certain emails that test our friendship by the facts of whether or not we forward the email back to the person who sent it to us!! My Oh My! What hard days friendship hath had to endure! Now that our esteemed self has been tagged by the esteemed self of Manju!I am left with no other option but to embarass myself with these idiosyncracies of me! And lemme tell you, the first person I hear sniggerin', gawking, snorting and giggling will find the vertical protrusions lining the frontal section of their mouth strategically dislocated or displaced and randomly distributed over a vast area following poission distribution. ********* A small

pause to let the idea sink into the itsy bitsy you know what of my detractors *********

Now that being said, and everyone being happy.. here goes the list!

6. I like to eat my mom made goodies by stealing it in the middle of the night, rather than take it directly from her whenever she offers.

5. I would add sugar to even sambar/rasam when no one is looking.

4. I sing and dance when no one is looking or atleast when I feel that no one is looking.

3. I always want my table set in a certain way, my clothes folded in a certain way, and am very possessive of the plate I eat in. People are absolutely welcome to share my food, but not my dinner plate at the time of dinner.. well I guess u got the hang of it!

2. I hate slurping sounds and chewing with the mouth open. And when no one is around, I try to imagine situations with people, and practice my expressions/emotions in front of the mirror!

1. I like to keep checking my fridge ever so often, even though I know its empty, in hope of a miraculous appearance of delicacies out of nowhere!

And that being said, I may also point out that.. whatz that? What did u say?! Oh No!! No sireee.. I do not want to go through any psychological testing to understand the underlying and inherent reasons behind this kindof behavior! And rather in strict compliance of the rule that when one is embarassed, he must also try to embarass the others present around him.. I would like to take this wonderful opportunity to tag the following 6 scapes!

1. Chandan

2. Velu

3. Harsha

4. Praveen Mayakar

5. Ridgeet Roy

6. Giridhar

uhahahahaha... Mogambo Khush Hua!!

Pain in the A*** !!

2006-06-09T00:18:00.000-05:00

Its 12:15 AM in the midnite. I am trying to type the draft for my thesis report which is due by Monday morning. Apart from the excruciating task of zeroing in on the content for the same, I have to put up with the ruckus being created by the next door dudes!! Aaaargghhhh!! Can't someone plaster their mouths and sink their music systems?!!!

There is something to be said about the annoying accent of gults! Well not trying to sound an anti-linguist here.. but surely gimme a break!! Well guess what?! Lemme just put on my walkman phone and listen to some foot tappin' numbers. Hopefully by the time I am done, these pests wud've vanished magically! Better still.. turned into roaches...aaaah! there.. now that I have gotten it out of my system.. am feeling so much better.

Am I sounding cranky? OH well! take a break .. type a thesis report and am sure u'll realize it too.. and oh yeah.. have a whole bunch of chatterin' monkeys throwing their horrid accents while you are at it!

Predilections and Dogma!

2006-06-04T11:10:00.000-05:00

Q.)What is man to do if the predilection towards doing something is set against the dogma of being someone?!

Ans)..............

Because, I cannot love but one!

2006-06-01T23:39:00.000-05:00

The hill tops must have snow covered all over 'em isn't it? I am sure you are feeling the stinging sensation of the cold wind, as it hastens to touch your bare skin, and wither it. Do not mind the cold, darling. It is just jealous of the warmth your rosy cheeks are sporting! How could it ever know that your sweet thoughts of me, shall enfold you in warmth, making you oblivious for its onslaught!

I can see you running freely in the lush green meadows as the air playfully teases your locks, lifting them up in its arms, as if smoothing out your hair! Did you feel my touch in it? I had asked the breeze to bring me the wafting aroma of your hair. It smells fresh of the flowers that you had worn that morning. Even as I savor its elegant smell, the breeze magically transports me to your arms.

I can see the plesant shock and happiness in your eyes - of finding me in your lap. It's a gentle dream, you seem to think, and I see you closing your eyes gently. As the lashes close in, locking the image of me on ur lap, my soft kiss on your eyes seems to tell you that its real! So real, that it seems to be a perfect dream. Keeping your eyes closed, you hold me tightly, cradling me in your arms. I can feel your breathe on my neck, as I softly tighten my embrace around you. Time comes to a stand still. I think its afraid lest its movement may disturb our tranquility. Or is it that its stunned at our love? Wondering, if it is indeed so real! I don't seem to care. Me being with you is as real and at the same time as dreamy.

You rest your head on my shoulders, and together we look at the distant hills, full of greenery, a spot of snow on their tops. What's the meaning of that soft, playful smile you threw at me, as I looked into your eyes? Every look of yours seems to tell me so many things! Wonder who gave them such an elaborate vocabulary! As my lips choose to respond to your eyes, I close my eyes.

When I open them, am still in my apartment, and I know you maybe out there among the lush green hills. Hey! But I was there too! Right next to you... and I have a picture in my eyes to prove it and a soft wetness on my lips! The picture in my eyes are the ones of your feet and hands adorned! The time has again stood still dear.

Fanaa: A Mixed Bag

2006-05-31T15:21:00.000-05:00

Fanaa - destroyed in love, another churn from the YashRaj Films. To put it all out, is highly flavored in some instances, and just bland in others! Overall what may seem to be a hurriedly packaged product, it leaves a lot to be desired in several levels! Not to mention that at points it seems a lot like a spoof of various movies! Now that being said, let us get down to our favorite point of dissecting the movie and laying things out thread bare much to the bane of the ones who are interested in knowing the destruction this movie seems to claim about.

It was Fanaa all the way for the movie. This is the last venture of the talented duo Jatin-Lalit. The story is badly "fanaa"d in between (albeit without much love), and so also was my interest. The sole saving grace of the entire movie is Kajol. Her screen presence is impeccable and she outshines Aamir, in several instances. Sadly enough Aamir Khan (much as I adore him), is showing off his aging! :( Well we shall dwell more on that front later.

The story is what forms a major bane for me! I am sure, the director could have sat for some more time on the story, and refined it. A typical Yash Raj film fare all through, replete with instances of patriotism, National Anthem strewn in, and the "oh spare me" round of Antakshari! (gimme a break dudes!!). Fortunately, not as nerve wracking as in "Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Ghum". The story is of a sweet blind girl, meets a strange "guide" boy in the streets of delhi and falls in love! Strange "guide" boy who seems a casanova, issues all the necessary statutory warnings, and yet sweet girl commits herself to him. Soon it turns out that Strange "guide" boy is actually a "bad" boy!!! Jeepers Creepers!!! And is out to destroy the sweet ol' nation by detonating a Nuclear Bomb, to wipe out the city of Delhi - nice and clean. As the darn ol' fate or the director would have it, he lands all wounded up in the door of sweet ol' girl and his "fruit of deed" kid. Sweet ol' girl who believes he'z dead, gets him back. Eventually she realizes that her prince charming is a "baddie" and spanks him fine in the end!

The cast has done a decent job all the way through. What boggles me is the high level of maturity that the kids in YashRaj films seem to have! I for one would sure like to have my kid custom made through one of these movies! Now that said, the script is wonderful in some instances, more so in the first half of the movie replete with shayaris, and taut dialogues for the main protagonists. But it is "insipid and moronic" in some instances. Especially the character of the so called Chief of Anti-Terrorist Bureau - Sushil Rawat. If anything he seems highly childish and may as well be rocking in some cradle, and sporting the girdle! Instances when he is passing taunting comments on Tabu, is just crappy and down right trifling! Grow up dude is what one may wanna say!

The absolute saving graces of the movie are - the music, the songs, and Kajol! The instances of her parting from Aamir at the train station, the moment she realizes that her love is not dead and is standing in front of her, and the way she confronts him, are gleaming examples of her acting prowess! A truly seasoned actress, Kajol ravishes on the screen with huge aplomb! Tabu is wasted in her role, which anyone would have done. Aamir is good. Rishi Kapoor easily fades off, while Kiron Kher probably does what Farida Jalal did in DDLJ (acting wise ie).

Overall, what could otherwise have been a really impressive story line, is left hung high and dry by a rather inept handling of some issues that tend to leave a bad taste after all is over. If you are a sucker, like I was to the songs of Fanaa, you may as well devastate your money over it! Then again, don't tell I didn't tell you!

Dedicated to Kishan!

2006-05-18T15:24:00.000-05:00

After reading the recent post by Kishan. I was left thinking for sometime, basically wondering whether to write a comment right there, or else make a separate post of it. Now knowing that most of Kishan's posts really make me want to respond to in length, I decided for the latter. Well to sum up he writes about expectations and reality. Something that is often said as "Man proposes but God disposes". Now whether things are predisposed to follow a certain pattern that is ordained for a greater good is a matter steeped in obscurity. It is upto the individual perception whether to trust in it or not.

My take is, as long as one is to live this life, why not make the best of what is given. I have this beautiful poem on a frame, on the table-top. It has sustained in times of good and bad, and in response to Kishan's post, I'd like to dedicate this to him. Here it goes.

I asked for strength

And God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for wisdom

And God gave me problems to solve.

I asked for prosperity

And God gave me brawn and brain to work.

I asked for courage

And God gave me dangers to overcome.

I asked for love

And God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for favours

And God gave me opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted,

And everything I needed.

My prayer has been answered.

Self-affirmation and Responsibility!

2006-05-11T16:48:00.000-05:00

Why is man in a constant need for self-affirmation? What makes him fear that his existence is lost amidst the myriad other personalities surrounding him everyday? It is this fear that makes him strive to establish his hold, not just on his relations, but also on the environment, society and eventually the entire creation. One may argue against this on grounds of intellectual curiosity, education and the quest for knowledge! But what is quest for knowledge other than a means of getting over fear? Ignorance, I feel, contrary to the popular belief, isn't bliss. It breeds fear. Self-affirmation is hence a need to get over the ignorance we have, about ourselves! Ignorance about our abilities breeds not just fear, but also its ally - doubt. When we doubt ourselves, we need others to alleviate them, and thus we depend on others. When the need is dire to turn in, we turn out!

In order for them to cater to our needs, we create a hold on them. We manipulate them in various ways - physically by brutal strength, intellectually through the means of education, and emotionally. Rogues, theives, bullys are all examples of the first kind, while the Government, Industry, Consumerism, show case the 2nd case. The last instance is more personal for each human being - while he is being manipulated, he also emotionally manipulates others through his relationship/power! On a more subtler level, as I feel is evident, all of these are dependents. The US Government, that wants to manipulate us through the means of education, convincing that the breach into our personal lives under the pretext of national security is but a thriving example of a political system, that to affirm its existence has left no stone unturned - in the domestic politics or international! What is alarming is the susceptibility of the common man! This post by Chandan is a glaring example for what I have to say! Though comic, it poses some grave questions about the responsibility of the government.

Talking of responsibilities, taking a tangent from here (which I do so often, sorry readers!), how responsible must a writer be? Creativity and Responsibility are two things that at some instances, make odd bed partners. I was exposed to this aspect, ever since a story I wrote, has been appearing in www.thatskannada.com. I have had people write to me complimenting my work, but at the same time, saying how influenced they were by it! Some even trying to share their personal matters with me, and asking for a feedback! The two faces of self-affirmation and responsibility are now staring at me. Am I responsible for their self-affirmation? Is it my responsibility to account for their fears/doubts and help them with it? Or can I just brush them off? What if I take refuge in my creativity, and not be accountable for my work! Write, whatever I feel like, about whatever I feel like, and just throw it out to the masses! It's upto them to pick it up, or leave it there! They can do whatever they wish with it! Either get influenced by it, or laugh at it! Whether I can remain aloof of their involvement depends on my need for self-affirmation as an author! Am I using my work to manipulate the readers, and thus prove to myself my existentialism as an author?

As of now, I have only questions...... anyone with answers?

Predictability and Boredom

2006-05-02T21:32:00.000-05:00

Long absence! A gradual side lining of the urge to write? I dunno! As a friend of mine so well described, its the tussell of the mind and the spirit (buddhi mattu manassu). Or as calvin would say it "The Mind is willing but the body refuses!". Whatever the case maybe, this long absence, lemme assure you, wasn't without reason! Several thoughts have bombarded me in the meanwhile, and they are all cached up in the mind, for idle brooding during those long hours of solitude.

When I sat down to write something about "Predictability and Boredom", I had a plethora of ideas, and opinions to share. But suddenly, the drive to write seems to have seeped off! I can't decide what it is that is diminishing? The urge to write? Or the urge to share? I have realized a glaring problem I have with my attitude! It's too free flowing! Or must I say indisciplined? It is hard for me to be rooted! Probably that is the reason I love the water and wind so much! They are so dynamic! Hard to be bound! I like my interests to be free, and not turned into bindings! I'd like to write, when I feel like it, not because I have to! I'd like to draw, when I feel like it, not because I have to! I have begun to avert routine! Which in a way brings me to the topic, "Predictability and Boredom"! Routine makes things predictable! It is, in a way discipline. But how is one to be disciplined, without falling prey to boredom?

The reason, I have started to refrain from writing is also partly because, my writing seems to be more and more predictable, to me! There were certain days, earlier, when I wrote in a trance! Much as if, it wasn't me who was writing, but someone else! And at the end of it all, when I went over what I had written, it would baffle me! Now, somehow, after all these years, it doesn't! That is what I meant when I said, I am becoming predictable! So am I getting bored of my own writings? In a way, YES!

I contemplated closing this blog! Or exploring newer avenues! But the creative surge is not what it used to be! Sometimes, I fear, my creativity may become predictable, and I may get bored of it too! I remember reading in "Illusions" -In order to live free and happy, one must sacrifice boredom. It is not an easy sacrifice". I guess, I am realizing the meaning of it. What is it with being creative that makes it both a curse and a boon to the person? Why is it that one can't be satisfied in being like everyone else?! Why is it that one feels this urge to be different, from others, and takes it so strongly, that one day, he realizes that he just wants to be different than himself! Is there an end to this struggle? Is discipline the only answer? My mind feels like a young child, refusing to take its medicine for reason that its bitter! It sees the need to be healthy, but seeks for a sweeter solution! Coming to think of it, maybe it wouldn't even mind being so, for all the attention it can garner! Is that what this is all about? I am clueless!

A few days ago, I had written about the tussell in my mind about the spirituality, about how I am getting bored of ritualistic worships! I can see the effect percolating slowly to all walks of life! Work, hobbies, interests, ... it is encompassing all aspects of my life! I haven't been able to complete a book I started, call up and catch on old friends, reply to those long awaiting emails, or update the blogs!! Maybe one fine day, I will get bored of being bored! Human mind is so tricky! We feel we have studied it - known its intricate makeup, the sectors, the parts, the anatomy of it all! And before long, it baffles us, by playing a trick. We look at ourselves in the mirror, and wonder when we turned out to be so different!

I really don't know how to end this! Probably because, I am yet to find an ending to this matter! So for once, I am not going to conclude this. It is a question I am yet to find an answer to, like so many others in my mind! But right now, this has come forefront. Is there a solution at all? I wonder.....

The End Of An Epic Figure!

2006-04-12T13:36:00.000-05:00

It is a rude way to wake up in the morning, and learn the first thing that someone who was a part of your life, is no more. It isn't a new news at this hour! I am sure, the kannadigas world wide, are already aware that Dr. Rajkumar, so lovingly addressed as "aNNAvru" is no more. He passed away on the 12th of April, around 2:15 PM IST.

Glowing tributes have been written, his accomplishments have been listed, praised, and his death has been described as a void, that will never be filled. It is all of that, and so much more that its impossible to be bounded within the realms of vocabulary. Am I being over-emotional? I do not want to judge my feelings for him. They are what they are! Over or under!

To say that I grew up with Dr. Rajkumar isn't an exaggeration. I do not remember the first movie of Dr. Rajkumar that I saw. But I do remember that ever since I was a kid, I would look forward for his movies. When I'd stand to pose for a camera, inevitably, my posture would be one of his, elegantly lifted off of the posters, that I'd stare at in awe! I remember how eagerly I'd await the return of my father from his work on Fridays, when the movies would be released, and I knew for sure, that he would have the tickets for Dr. Raj's movies at Navrang Theatre, in Rajajinagar. I'd then gloat in front of my friends from the neighborhood of how, we are going to see his movie that very evening! And what would follow after that, was a meeting of all my friends, on the terrace of my house. I'd relate the story, enact it at some points, say the key dialogues with equal fervour... my heart filled with a sense of pride! I am emulating Dr. Rajkumar's acting!

I remember the multitude of songs I learnt by heart, to beat my brother! We would compete with eachother, in by hearting as many songs of his as possible, in collecting as many stickers of Dr. Rajkumar, in learning his dialogues, as to who was a greater fan of him! That is how integrated my childhood was with his persona. His demise, brings back all those memories and they are dear to me. He was a part of that dearness.

I remember my eyes wide open in awe, watching him in the royal roles of Kings long gone, of whose wonders we cud only read in books! I remember my eyes wet with tears, looking at his laments as Bhakta Kumbaara! I remember these very eyes looking up in admiration for his roles as the brave police officer, the do gooder, the farmer, the innocent young boy, the give-all, the altruist, the lover, the revolutionary!

How can I forget the dynamic dialogues of his that won me the first place in mono-acting- "naanu yaaru? kashyapa brahmana maga...chaturmuKa brahmana mommaga. hari hara brahmaadigaLE aDDa baMdarU naDugisuva, graha taaregaLE dikkApAlaagi ODuvante maaDuva, indra, varuNa, vaayu, agnigaLannE nanna dAsarannAgisikoMDiruva I hiraNya kaShyapuvina vaMSadalli huTTida ee kunni, nannedurigE nanna vairiyaada aa hariyannu smaraNe maaDuvaShTu uddhaTatanavE!!!!".

Having come so far off from my home, my state, and staying in a foreign nation, when the heart yearns for some memories of the past, I watch his movies. My mind runs back to the streets of Rajajinagar and the terrace of our house. I shall continue to do so, but there shall be a difference. A haunting thought, that a person who in his own special way, was a part of my childhood, is now not present physically. I know the tunes of the jazz that go, he will always be present in his work.. and blah blah blah blah.. but its a fact that things won't be the same. There are very few dignitaries whose death as I lived, really shook me personally - Mother Theresa, Smt. M S Subbulakshmi, and now it is Dr. Rajkumar.

Can words eulogize his death? I do not want to do that! I will miss him, I know that. So shall millions of his fans world wide. All said and done, he was an epic in himself, so humble, and so earthly, that sometimes, I would wonder, if it is at all possible for a star to have his foot on the earth as he did! It was all just so surreal! It was a wonder, a puzzle! I get carried away so much with even miniscule of my achievements, and yet, this person, remained so rooted to his identity as a simple human being! I guess thatz the aspect of his, that I shall remember forever. Bless his soul! I am gonna miss you aNNAvre.

Why Soliloquies in Hiding?

2006-04-11T00:17:00.000-05:00

I'd like to start writing this, as if I am continuing something that I have been telling you from quite sometime! Or seemingly, perhaps, I was in the middle of the conversation, and you joined in!

.....yeah, it had been a long while, since I wrote something in here. Yep, that's right, I did put something up occassionally, but I am sure, it could be made out easily, that it was done in an absolutely detached manner! Writer's Block? Perhaps so. Well, there was no dearth of thoughts though! The mind went racing through taverns and valleys, scaling heights, and flying wild. That probably could be the reason too! For me to sit and write, the mind needs to be still and talk. While it did talk, as I said, it went on racing! Is my mind still now? Well, it is something I will realize when I'd have completed writing this. Right now, it is humming a song!

There is something that has to be said about the privacy of these thoughts! The security of the enclosure of the mind, is the most valuable for a human. For he knows not, what awaits for him, if his thoughts would rush out of his brain through his mouth/pen, and be known to the whole wide world! It may bring him bouquets, brickbats, and sometimes, even bullets! It is this uncertainity that warrants the secrecy of the thoughts. There is one other aspect - morals! Some may call it an offshoot of the former, but I'd like to see it as a separate reason in itself. For how many thoughts, that crop up in our minds are worthy of sharing, morally? Thoughts, soliloquies, musings, are all aspects of a darker side of human mind. Darker, not because of its nature, but because it is hidden! I sought this hiding, to escape from being called a "weirdo", a "nerd". Sharing thoughts in open, made me an outcast, and different from the rest! One wasn't expected to think on lines, other than that of the rest! And yet, I did.

This is much like my secret getaway, a fantasy, the neverfoundland of the yore! Here I, forever, am young! My thoughts and soliloquies, may elicit responses from foes, friends, and people whom I have never seen, or would never see. Then there are majority of those, who just read this blog, as something to while their times off, at the end of the day! But that is OK now. I no longer despise being different from the rest! I revel in my uniqueness, and weirdness! This haven is mine to rule!

I fell asleep in the middle of writing this all up, and now, having got up in the morning, the train of thoughts seems to have come to the station, after unloading all its passengers! Yes! It now stands still, like the stillness of the night. There is dawn breaking through the clouds, and I can hear the winds bellowing outside of my window. Before long, this part of the world would've woken up, and another part will go to rest. And my mind shall again begin the rigmaroles of its existence - boarding incoherent thoughts that, as the journey continues, somehow begin to make sense. And at times, when it comes to a stop, I shall visit my hiding.

In the Passing....

2006-04-05T13:19:00.000-05:00

Garfield was created by Jim Davis.
Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Patterson.
Thank you both guyz... things wouldn't be the same for me without Garfy and C & H. :)

"Born Into Brothels" - Of Hopes and Dreams!

2006-03-31T21:35:00.000-06:00

Khud ko kar buland itna
Ke har tadbeer se pehle
Khuda bande se pooche
Bata teri razaa kya hai

It's been about 10 mins past since I turned off the DVD Player. Had been watching a documentary movie - "Born into Brothels - Calcutta's Red Light Kids". Let me give you all the introductory information regarding this movie. It won the Oscar Awards for best documentary in the year 2005, apart from 12 other awards in various prestigious ceremonies all over the world. This movie is directed by Zana Briski and Ross Kauffman. The movie is about the life of the children of prostitutes in Sonagachi - the Red Light area in Calcutta.

There are a set of people who usually object to such movies on the grounds that the Western movie makers seem to be only interested in showcasing the rotting and debilitating aspects of India, rather than show her development and progress on the World Frontier. This aspect is something that I do not even consider worth dealing with in this post at this time. So if there is any wish of bringing that up here, you are welcome to close the browser!

The documentary starts with the director coming to the brothel as a teacher of photography, and handing each kid a camera, and showing them how to shoot photographs. What unveils next is a gentle bonding between the director and a group of children, that takes the viewers to the most sensitive details of their lives! The director's fight with the local system, families of the children, and the government to get the children a better life, by getting them admitted to a boarding school, even exhibiting their photographs in an exhibition abroad, and giving an opportunity for a kid in the brothel to travel abroad, the eventualities of the children in the end, is what the movie is all about in terms of the story. The effect is verbally immeasurable!

There are a genre of movies that portray vividly the disdain experienced by the downtrodden in all its stark nakedness that makes one steal views, or turn heads! But this movie unlike them, does not leave you with a pain in the heart. It leaves you with hope, and dream, like that of those children - a better tomorrow, a better life! Shanti, Avijit, Suchitra, Manik, Tapasi, Pooja, Kochi, these are children who for some reason go through the travails of abuse every day! There is a moment when the kids are tested for being HIV +ve, when the heart stands still! The dread of becoming one "with the line", is starkly visible in the eyes of the kids! And yet when one hears them sing joyfully on their way to the zoo, see them playing with wanton abandon in the waters of the beach, invariably the lips trace a curve. Such is the magic of their spirits, that fights undaunted, the hypocrism and abuse of the so called developed society!

This movie is a must watch. The subject is reason enough. If one is in the habit of cribbing, complaining, and exhaling mounds of long drawn sighs at the unjust life, take a break, and watch this movie. It's a shame, we lack their spirits! The best thing? They give us a part of their own! Adios!

Dear Mr. Salif Rasaki...

2006-03-26T01:41:00.000-06:00

From the laptop of,
KYOUOWNWOH OUAGADOUGOU
My Apartment, Landlord's building Complex,
Boring City, Equally Boring State,
Whachamacallit Country.

NOTE:- The contents of this mail is absolutely public and highly non-consequential, and is absolutely aimed at digressing all limits of rationality and decency. It is aimed at ridiculing you and your institution, and any resemblance between you and an African chimpanzee drawn is absolutely intentional and well-deserved.

Dear Mr. Salif Rasaki,

Sub:- Regarding the transfer of 2 million dollars to my account!

I am absolutely dumbfounded, astonished, and shocked! No! It has nothing to do with Miss Neha Kapur winning the Miss India pageant! It is because of the fact that you were able to find me out inspite of me being undercover! Yes! And now I am going to make it public that I am not who you think I am! I indeed am the kith of the royal family of OUAGADOUGOU! I infact am the next prince to rule the land where ur Bank of Efrican is located! And because I with my genuine power of foresight (bestowed to me by dear ol' Baba Bhaijaan, about whom I will write later) had realized that a military coup will result in the destruction of my entire family, and so I escaped in the middle of the night ala our Bollywood movies amidst thunders and torrential rains, and after crossing saat samundar changed my identity and my looks (well u know.. color and all that). But you still found me out! The FBI and CIA gotto learn something off of you!

Neeeeewaaayssss.. so as my esteemed self had predicted, the military coup was a success and you have written that all of my family alongwith with my relatives were killed while trying to escape in a plane! Oh! Woebegone on the Kenyan Airlines! I always knew they couldn't be trusted! That was the reason I walked all the way!

Oh Well! So I believe that you were spared by the military coup! Well, good for u! What was that? You had to dress like a female gorilla and hide in the jungles? Awwwww... what!! eeks! that must've been painful! I bet the male gorilla had no idea! Well .. well.. now now.. comeon no hard feelings Mr. Rasaki! Well its the order of the nature! Males.. females.. u know how it goes.. don't you?!

Whatz that? Oh ok.. coming back to the point! So my father had deposited 20 million USD in your esteemed bank. Eh? And now you have been so generous enough to have found me out, and want to give it back to me! Well, I know, that if I come over there as Prince OUAGADOUGOU, the coup may try to assassinate me too! And so, you have devised this ingenious plan (how very wily and clever of you my dear Rasaki! Oh! How rude of me to have compared u to a chimp! I am sorry .. chimp!) well.. so, you want me to give you my details as the long lost relative of the royal family now residing in this whachamacallit nation, but never really show up! Oh! How convenient!! All u need is my account number, with the routing number for the bank and the personal phone number and address. Isn't it? Well, u already have my address at the start of this mail, so thatz settled! Now you wanna keep 60% of our bank balance with yourself, and then u want to visit me with your wife, and children, and at that time u will discreetly, and under utmost secrecy and protection, transfer the all of the amount to me in hard green, USD!!! For the love of chimpanzees! Hold me.. nay pray support me, lest I shalt faint in utter surprise and merriment!

[Playing in the background "mujhe mil jo jaaye thoda paisa.. thoda paisa.." and "Money money money.. must be funny for the African bankers... "(with due apologies to ABBA)] Now herez what I am going to do Mr. Salif Rasaki, I do not quite trust the security of these emails and so have deviced an equally ingenious plan as yours. I shall encode my personal details in a blog, and write it out, and embed in it, using complicated extrapolated algorithm of random number generation, the place for our secret meeting! You will, I am sure, realize that it is the secret forest next to the palace of OUAGADOUGOU family! Now you wear your female gorilla costume and make sure that u are there at the right time, to receive my account number and bank routing number, which I shall embed in a male gorrilla! How is it gonna give u those details, you ask Mr. Rasaki?! Now, now. comeon.. u know.. the male.. female.. nature thing! What say you? Eagerly waiting to receive those 2 million dollars!

Yours absolutely wasted,

KYOUOWNWOH OUAGADOUGOU!

Midnite Musings...

2006-03-22T01:57:00.000-06:00

It is the middle of the nite, 2 : 14 AM.. and am sleepless in Wichita! The fact of the matter is that I slept early, and woke up in the middle of the night, and realized that I was thinking of someone! How often does this happen? The feeling of missing someone so close, its so intense, I can hardly breathe!

I turned 26 on 19th of March! Several wishes, several greetings, parties, treats, gifts, and all that jazz! I got up and looked at all of 'em once again. So many relationships.. some old.. some new! Friends since my school and pre school days... friends just a few months old.. relatives, family.. wishes from everyone! A few so special, that they made me feel so blessed for being me! I feel blessed for having them in my life!

It was supposed to be spring in Wichita! Surprisingly enough, its freezing outside! Rained continuously for 2 days, and even snowed heavily in parts of Kansas! The weather too seems to be revolting against man! Giving warning signs of his over exploitation. The heart thinks otherwise! Did someone send forth this coldness?

Sunday, I returned to RJing after a sojourn for almost 6 months. Not many of my readers here may know that I am also an RJ. The return was indeed welcomed, and got really good responses too! There is something to be said of human connection! It's just a voice, of a person many haven't even seen, or have no idea of! And yet, it somehow touches you! The feedbacks were heartening!

Got a whole lot of work coming up in the next couple of weeks. A couple of important things of my life will be decided in the forthcoming weeks! Am I tense?Strangely, I have no idea of it! Is it that I have become numb to such feelings?

I just wish.. that my mind would stop thinking for a moment, and be still. I guess I'll try to lull it to sleep somehow...

Academi(y)c Blunder!

2006-03-07T16:57:00.000-06:00

The 78th Academy Awards were given out on the 6th of March, evening at the Kodak theatre in Hollywood. The highlights of the award ceremony were obviously the regal selection of movies - some of which were never a hit in the box office list. This went to assure us movie fans that Oscar Awards did not after all get ruled by the numbers and fame! Or did I speak too soon? Well, there were a couple of surprises in stack, after all habits are hard to get over. Isn't it?

When the nominations were announced, the fact that Brokeback Mountain was selected under 8 categories (the highest in the list this time) came as a welcome breeze! Hollywood seemed to have finally stepped out of the oblivion in encompassing issues of Social concern, which even drove the political campaign in the United States. Not just this movie, but the others selected under the best movie category too showcased the same! But hardly a few were as hard hitting as the former. I'd say that Crash would follow Brokeback Mountain. The theme dealt in the movie Crash, was equally sensitive, and very novel. The 2 days that seemed to bring different people (from different cultures) and different issues altogether, leaving a lasting impression on the minds of the characters (and also the viewers) and changing them forever, is a theme that very few films can do justice to! And in this venture, CRASH wasn't a debacle at all. No sireee.. on the contrary, it nailed the issue to the point, right on the head, and drove it straight where it had to be driven! Yet, at the end of the day, the story that showcases the hypocritic attitude of the society towards the 'queer' community is one, that makes us stand still. Typically the academy had been following the tradition of awarding the best director, and the best movie to the same Film (except the past couple of years). When Ang Lee won the award, I was all set to watch Brokeback walk away with the best movie award too. Am I disappointed that Crash got it? I woudn't say so. But yeah, Brokeback Mountain deserved it.

The awards in the category of best animations, was yet another surprise! Tim Burton's "The Corpse Bride" was several times enjoyable than "Wallace and Gromit...". The former was, if I may say, more sassy, classy, witty, and definitely pleasant! I did have high expectations on the "Howl's Moving Castle" till I watched the movie. For those of us who expected another "Spirited Away" or something better, this movie was indeed a let down of the size of King Kong. The best make-up award being given to the team of "Chronicles of Narnia" was yeddanoder surprise, what with the contender being "Star Wars-III Revenge of the Sith". And forgive me for sounding archaic, "In the deep"(Crash) was a much better score than "Its hard out here for a Pimp"(Hustle & Flow). The couple of movies that I felt richly deserved the awards they won, were ofcourse "King Kong" and "Memoirs of a Geisha".

Finally, yet another annual event of great expectation is over, and another series of movies shall be screened in hope of winning the big 'O'. Hopefully if the last year was any hint of what is coming forth, we may see Hollywood churning out movies that are more meaningful and bearing more impact. If it may seem like the Academy Awards is making up for the negligence is showed earlier, then better late than never!

As a passing thought, whatever made India send the repulsive "Paheli" to the Oscars while there was the mesmerizing "Black"?!! Guess some things are just universal!

Books to change your life!

2006-03-03T01:33:00.000-06:00

This blog has tried to feed varied tastes, and more so tried to showcase the varied interests that I share in my life! But I realized that I still haven't given the stage to one of my most passionate interest - Books. I do not boast of being an ardent reader who devours every best seller, but I can still humbly talk of a refined taste in terms of books. The reason I treasure them so, is probably because they were the sole companions I hung on to during my periods of introvertness, and even during the period of extrovertness! I run to them in moments of solitude, and in moments of celebrations! They were privy to my fears, my flaws, and my feasts! They have seen me grow and mature, and what more! They have been a part of it!

In the first account in this blog on books, I would like to write about 2 of my most precious books, that I have in my possession. These books have been my light, my guide and my inspiration in moments of darkness, doubt, & despair. Both of these books have been authored by an eminent and renowned writer - Richard Bach.

Jonathan Livingston Seagull : The story of a seagull who flew only for the thrill of flight! The story of a being who craved to be different from others, and suffered for being so! The beginning of a journey in the path of love! This book which is slightly more than a 100 pages, with half of the pages carrying images of sea gulls, nevertheless is an ocean with waves of inspiration to flood one's being with! I am yet to find a person who woudn't recognize one self with the sea gull, or grow to admire it! It is a story close to our heart and talks of our struggle. It assures us of an happy ending - something which sometimes, we aren't so sure of. These are the kind of books that leave a mark on us, an indelible one at that. However small it may be, the mark shall grow - under the right support and environment, only on the longer run to bear the fruit of happiness and contentment.

Illusions : The book above started a journey in the path of love, while Illusions takes us into the realms of self-realization. Unless we understand ourselves, and love ourselves for being what we are, we shall never grow to love others. We need to be our saviors - our Messiahs, in order for us to heal others and more importantly ourselves! It's all an Illusion! The World is an Illusion! The pains, sufferings, horrors we see, everything is an illusion as also the beauty! So whatz the one thing that is real? It's the truth! A Truth that never changes! The story of how a barn stormer's life is changed by his 'chance' meeting with a messiah turned barnstormer is what this book is all about. It is tough to understand the essence of the book in a single reading! What more? Read the book over and over again in different contexts, at different junctures of life, and it makes different sense each time! It is the ending of the book that still startles me to this day!

Both the books are filled with quotes that seem to make a difference into our everyday lives. These are normal things stated so profoundly under such unique circumstances, that the characters that say it stand out of the book in front of your eyes, and look directly into you and speak to you. The words hit like bolts of thunder and shake your beliefs! Sometimes, it seemed as if someone rudely threw me off of the bed in my deep slumber and brutally woke me up by shaking the hell outta me! We all tend to be comfortably settled down in what we think is our limitations, our beliefs of what we can do and what we can't! We accept them, and make them a part of us! These are the books that convince you that we are 'limitless... children of the Is... playful spriritual beings ...'. The author writes in Illusions -

"Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they are yours"!!

"In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice".

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly".

Some of these will not hit right into us in the first reading. And I feel they must not too. I revel in digging into the essence. And both of these books however simple they may sound, are profound in every sense! Get these books if you want a treasure house for a lifetime!

Whose Tag is it Anyway!!

2006-03-03T00:08:00.000-06:00

It had been quite a while since we played the game of tagging the fellow bloggers! There were a few questions that have been playing pranks in my mind. So here goes a list of questions and my answers for the same. And me being the originator, the bloggers I'd like to Tag with these questions are - Kishan, Manju, Chandan, Velu, Giridhar Narayan, Madhuri, and Divya (Enigma). Hope they respond duly in their respective blogs!

Name :- Praveen
Date of Birth :- 19th of March
Ambition in Life :- To be successful and stay happy in any endeavour that I may take.
Your Asset(s) :- My patience, smile, sense of humor and the talents.
The biggest flaw in your personality :- Indecision and procrastinations.
What gives you the greatest pleasure? - Being the way I like to be!
What hurts you the most? - Anger, misunderstanding, hypocrism.
What motivates you? - Challenge and urge to learn.
Who has had the greatest influence in your life? - My Aunt.
What is your idea of perfect happiness? - A mind free of fears, concerns, and guilt.
What is the best gift that can be given to anyone? - To love them for what they are.
The biggest mistake you ever committed in your life? - Thus far it has been to lose sight of my goal. As for future, too early to say anything ;).
What, in your opinion, is Life? - Matter of perception.
What is the toughest thing to do in this world? - To let go.
Humanity is at cross-roads. What do you suggest as a remedial measure? - Be truthful to yourself and set off on any road - You can always take U turns.
On what scale do u measure friendship? How much would u trust your friend? - I don't measure friendship. I trust my friend 100%.
What is the quality you like the most in a man and a woman? - Respect and Love.
How would you like to be remembered after your death? - It is to the prerogative of the person who wants to remember me.
Message to the world? - Treat others the way you would want to be treated if in their position.
What attracts you the most? - The S O S of life - Simplicity, Originality and Sincerity.
How would you describe yourself in a single adjective? - A Hearty Explorer.
What do you look for in a relationship? - I do not get into a relationship hoping to profit from it! But I'd look for mutual trust, respect and Love.
The person you would like to be in your next life? - ME!!

So, these were the questions and my answers for 'em. I hope my fellow bloggers would respond soon and favorably!

My Grouse on Weight Loss!

2006-02-22T23:33:00.000-06:00

I am shooore that many of my friends who have seen me, would agree that I have no need whatsoever to workout! But then, my mom has quite a different perspective on my physical structurization. Alas! She is my mom and a damn adamant one at that! So when she gave me an ultimatum on Sunday that I either shed those extra pounds showing around me, faster than Udita Goswami can shed her clothes, or else, let her find a girl for me, I was left with no choice! Now now.. not that my mother wouldn't have chosen a girl good enough for me, but then, I would've lost the simple pleasures of seeking! So having settled that, I chose to go with the devil and even coaxed a friend of mine to be my accomplice in this ritualistic sacrifice of the triglicerides in the body!

On an auspicious moment of the Monday evening, me and my friend embarked on the arduous journey to the altar of body building! Now, I am not the one who generally takes to think low of my esteemed self! And my initial impression of the one's working out there didn't seem to do any harm either! Those wretched souls with their thin lean bodies looked utterly famished, and produced in me a sniggering much as erst while villains like Vajramuni/Pran sported! My well fed body knew what it was in for, and slightly shivered at the thought of becoming one of those leanies! It shuddered even as I held the handle of the peddler! Not to be undone, I set the program up, and started to peddle! My muscles let out a shriek "Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin......... keh do ki yeh jhoooT hai.... aisa nahin ho sakta... choD do mujhe.. kameene.. tere paas aur koi body vody nahin hai kyaa..." but I peddled on.. and on.. till the shrieks turned to silent sniffs.. and then there was silence. Oh! Curse my villainy!!

Now! what in heaven's name is wrong in being, well a little chubby in all the cute places!! I am sure girls would love to pull my cheeks and maybe rest on my soft tummy! But no! that is not to be done!! Well after burning a 100 calories on the peddler, I went over to the circuit room. Now herein, they have arranged a whole array of machines chosen exclusively to work every part of your body! And what more! they even have an automated system that tells you when to start, and when to stop and move to the next station! Kewl eh? Ah! but the drama was yeddo stard! For there was this immense gargantuan specimen of homo sapien species working out over there! On the weight lifting stations, this King of a Kong, had set the weighs to 200 lbs!! thatz even more than my body weight and the scales that I can lift combined!! Now, having been well aware of my immense physical abilities and not willing to give him a complex, I decided to reduce the weight to the minimum.. and set it to hehehehehe 30 lbs! All was going on well, till that species decided to go over the stations once again, and as he approached the station that I had worked on, his eyes nearly popped out of his thick skull! He looked at me, as if looking at the most poor and wretched creature that one may find in the remote corner of the kitchen cabinet! It's a feeling that says.. "Oh! you poor thing! look at you! I can crush you like a piece of overcooked potato but then, whatz the fun in that!" and then u sweep it up and trash it out!! Albeit here he obviously couldn't trash me out, and so gave his "you despicable creature" look and set the weights back to his capacity! And I! much relieved at the end of it all, rushed home, and complimented myself by eating a vanilla chocolate ice cream that incidentally had 136 calories in it! Amen to that!

2 Movies and a Nite!!

2006-02-20T00:27:00.000-06:00

So you guyz already know what this is all about! Yeah! Watched 2 movies tonite! "Rang De Basanti" and "Main Meri Patni Aur Woh". Both the movies were drastically varied in many ways, but yet provided quite a wholesome entertainment! And here I am, providing a review of both, as per my tastes, and interests!

Rang De Basanti :- The story of the young generation that is awakened to the condition of the country by embarking on a journey through the history of freedom struggle, sounded extremely promising! Indeed the first half kept the spirits alive, only to be hastily put down by the second! Disappointing? To a certain extent.. yes! Was it the hype the media created? Or was it the way the first half of the movie portrays itself to be? Or is it something that my personal perception is finding hard to digest? I dunno! I felt that the movie did not do justice to what otherwise was an excellent story line!

Ups of the movie :- The par excellence acting by all the actors! The music scored by A R Rahman, the beautiful locales chosen for the picturization, and the innovativeness of the idea. The portrayal of the gradual change in the outlook of the main characters has been well handled, not to mention the interleaved sequences of the freedom struggle. All the main characters have excelled in their performances. Soha Ali khan has given a wonderful performance considering this to be her first movie!

Downs of the movie :- The dramatization of the events, which is far from truth, even in the present India! That the goverment would storm the Akashvani building with Black commandos to kill the college students, who are on air confessing their crimes and exposing the reasons behind it is quite hard to digest, let alone the portrayal of the police beating up a peaceful candle light vigilance. Ace actors and actresses like Waheeda Rehman, Kiron Kher, Anupam Kher and Om puri are wasted in very small roles! Though, they have all rendered their roles wonderfully well, there could have been more room provided for those characters! The parallel drawn between the main characters and the freedom fighters too seemed a tad over cooked! To say that they were influenced by them, is one thing! But then to compare their acts with the freedom struggle did not really seem convincing! With all due respects to his acting prowess, Aamir seemed out of the group amidst all the young actors!

Overall view :- I'd certainly recommend everyone to watch this movie. It is fresh as far as its idea is concerned. But I would not recommend high expectations on this. Sit back and relax, and do give a thought to the ideas portrayed. To that extent of getting the viewers mind to think on the story and thus about the condition of the nation, this movie indeed has been successful. Rating:- 8.5/10.

Main Meri Patni Aur Woh :- In a period where Bollywood relies very heavily on a studded star cast, exuberant settings, posh locales, and loaded concepts, here comes a movie that is down to earth in the literal sense - A less known star cast, a very simple, and normal story line, and highly simplistic portrayal of the same. Yet, it wins over you instantly. Though I must say at this point that this movie ran into controversy - accused of being a remake of a Malayalam movie - "Vadakkunokkiyanthram". The same concept was also used in a kannada movie, "nanna hendati cennagiddale" (literally translated means, "My wife is beautiful"). So controversies apart, the story is about a middle class guy Mithilesh Shukla(Rajpal Yadav) known popularly as Chote babu, who, as fate would have marries Veena (Rituparna Sengupta). His wife is well educated, from a higher economic class, and above all extremely beautiful! Her beauty only adds to the woes of Mithilesh, who starts eyeing every person around him suspiciously and hence tries hard to keep them away from his wife. Enter the erstwhile friend of Veena, Akash (Kay Kay), and all hell breaks lose! Akash is better than Mithilesh in all respects, and what more! He is creative too! Well then there is the brewing misunderstanding, and then the cloud clears, and before long, its the usual happy ending that we all look forward to! The movie is extremely promising, and is very hearty. The emotional scenes are very short lived, and deftly handled. The movie is extremely smooth in its flow, and will leave the viewer smiling for a long time to come.

Ups of the Movie :- Absolutely superb acting by Rajpal Yadav and Rituparna, excellent direction, well handled story line, melodious and lilting songs. It is a tragedy that in the glitz and glamour of Bollywood the true talents like that of Rajpal Yadav, and the director Chandan Arora (who also directed "Main Madhuri Dixit Ban na chahti hoon") are over shadowed! I would not be surprised if this movie is not nominated for any awards or even if it is, it may fail to rake any! That is just how superficial and hollow the industry has become. To praise the acting of Rajpal yadav would be an arduous task, as all the adjectives that one may use will seem hackneyed, and I am not able to coin new terms as of yet! He acts as naturally as he breathes! The song "Aaj maine dil se" remains echoing in the heart long after the movie has ended! The movie is extremely easy on the mind and heart of the viewer and maintains its lightness all through to the ending! It would be a crime to miss out on such a beautiful movie.

Downs of the Movie :- I really can't think of any as of now, except that this movie is a Bollywood movie! In that, as I already mentioned, it will fail to receive the due appreciation and accolades it so richly deserves.

Overall Rating :-10/10. Again, Don't miss this!

Hum pyaar karne waale!

2006-02-16T00:09:00.000-06:00

Well, stupid cupid's day is over!! I am sure he shot quite a few arrows! And just how many hit, and how many missed will be known before the year ends ;). And yeah, this blog including, all the media swayed for the romance in the air! There were celebrations of great romances and every friggin' lover thought that he was yeddanoder Romeo (RSS/Shiv Sena Patronists read Heer/Majnu) and every heart broken dude spoke of the pointlessness of such celebrations (ignoring the protests of the so called protectors of culture). eeeeeeeeneyways! Now just like yin-yang, black-white, beautiful-ugly, amitabh-kishan, madhuri-meghana, our bollywood has given us the best and probably the most awful lovers/love stories! Now I know that all you people have been fed up and are ready to puke out the names of the best ones! But then, to counter that, lets think of the really repulsive lovers we have seen on screen! What say you? ;)

Vikas Bharadwaj-Meghana (Classic-Dance of love) :- For crying out loud! What was Subhash Ghai thinking when launching this movie through his productions or I guess he truly wasn't! Ever had an experiencing of groping in the dark corners of the bench you are sittin' on during your first date with a gorgeous babe, looking for something and end up with a sticky mess "that must not be named" -much like a relic of someone?! And there is so much embarassment, shock, and trauma! And you have this demented and shocked monkey look on your face! Trust me! That sounds far better than the experience of watching this movie! Herez a sample for ya all - The lead actress named Doli (no comments.. trying hard not to kill myself!) is watching the movie "Romeo and Juliet" with the lead actor (oh boy! He can put a fossil of a wood to shame and kill it all over again with his acting prowess). The scene is of Romeo makin' out with Juliet when they meet secretly in her room. And voila the female lead realizes that the film is in English!!! And she goes "yeh kaun sa piccar dikhaa rahe ho hamein, hamein toh yeh bhaasha samajh mein hI nahin aati"!!!! (Comeon! don't stop me! I wanna die!!!!). And thatz when the Mr. Woody Vikas goes on to explain the situation of the movie, slowly seducing her! I mean! Dude! You could have done that using any porn! And she pretty damn well would have understood!! More Duh!! And if Bappi's music did not tip me off, the fact that this movie was directed by the same person who made that wildly junglee movie "Tarzan" must have!! I am planning to sue them for intense psychological disruption and demention of my mental status!
Fardeen Khan - Meghana Kothari (Prem Aggan) :- Ok! Now was this meant to be a funny movie? No? Oh! I guess you wanted this to be a sexy and sizzling movie? Not even that!!! Hmm.. lemme think! Ah! Yeah! Oh My! How could I not see it! Isn't this supposed to be a horror movie?!! Whatz that! Oh comeon! the only person allowed to curse around here would be me! And boy oh boy! this movie did leave me dumbfounded to even speak! Here is a guy loving this thing called a gal, making out like dogs in barns! They have to just see a snake, and before long they are out there trying all postures and positions that their bodies can manage! She goes "aaj mujhe us har dard ka ehsaas karaado, jisse mera yeh jism sirf tumhaara ho jaaye" - now was this an invite to make love?! I am sure there was a mis-communication! For Fardeen does get on to her like a mad dog, and before long he goes "nahin mein yeh nahin kar sakta (shocked expressions!! Oh dude, that has some serious repercussions)!!!"
Sanjay Kapoor - Tabu (Prem) :- Nature is a known for its peculiarities and weirdness - and then there is Sanjay Kapoor!! I am sure even the maker must have squirmed in his seats when he made him! And here he is going "saamne hai par nazar atti nahin... atti nahin..." doing in the hall what may seem a neandrethel form of dance, except that the fire was missing! And oh yeah! the story! oh gosh! Now thatz what love is all about! 7 births and they still are in love with eachother! Now Tabu did seem an intelligent girl! And the same mistake in all the 7 births!! Oh comeon!!
Govinda - Aishwarya Rai (Albela) :- Ok.. let's start with what went wrong. Ah! that's right! This movie was even considered worthy of thinking let alone make one! And then, they paired up Govinda with Aishwarya Rai! It is not even putting a new label on an old bottle!! And what more! Jackie is the lover boy and then there is Namrata Shirodkar! Need one say more? No? Oh comeon, I need to share the agony! Ah! the story! Tourist guide meets phoren girl. Desi girl sets eyes on guide. Journalist doodle eyes phoren girl....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Hrithik - Kareena (Yaadein) :- Woah! Whadda movie! I remember going into a long depression soon after watching this mistake of a movie, that seems to have taken a set of gobbledygook hotch potch and tried to concoct what seemed to be a run-away success in driving away the viewers!! While it was a torture enough to bear with Jackie, add to that those weird antics of Hrithik (the torture of bearing with hundreds of Hrithiks dancing with guns in their hands, while one was quite a lot to handle), and whatz more? Shaadi.com!! thatz what!

Much as I would like to include Mallika-Himanshoooo ("Khwahish"), SRK - troupe of monkeys ("Mohabbatein"), Salman-Diya ("tumko na bhool paayenge") and many many more, I would not want to deter dear ol' cupid! But then what can one say! He certainly goofs up sometimes! And what more! Bollywood celebrates it! Now, I am exiting, to go through yeddanoder round of pyschological counseling for intense trauma and tension! For all those who read this, do write to me for free aspirins!

2006-02-12T22:35:00.000-06:00

Do you know why I love you so much? Hmm... sometimes I wonder, if there is any need for you to know it too! Probably you know that I do love you!

You always tell me that we are different! You have oft pointed out to the different views we share on various issues. I see that we complement eachother. I know that neither of us are perfect! But I have come to realize that we are not perfect as ourselves. I do know that we are perfect with eachother! We are perfect together! Perfection is not about being without shortcomings. Perfection is about being us! Being what we are!

We have spoken so many times! We have fought, we have laughed, we have teased eachother silly, and there have been moments of silence between both of us. I have heard you even in those moments of silence. I have heard you in the songs that touched my heart. I have heard you in the calm breathe of a deep peaceful sleep. I hear you in the silent bloom of the smile on my lips, when I am thinking of you. I have heard your voice in the babbling of the brooks, in the early morning sun rays, and the silent soothing touch of the moon! I have felt your breathe caressing me in my sleep, like the passing breeze.

We have fought vehemently! We have tried to hurt eachother with words! I have been ruthless to you when you put down my emotions. Am I wrong? They say that true love never hurts. So is this not true? Hey! But then, I never said I was hurt! We both know that we do it, because we need to feel the yearning we have for one another. Your intense retort makes me feel the passion in your heart for me. I feel like getting back to you with an equally acute passion. It is a love-making with a difference.

The happiness you share with me, the sorrows you made me a part of, spice up the dreary existence of this life. I have often felt like lifting you up in my arms, and carrying you off to a far off land, away from any hindrances, and set you free. I want to make you light as a feather - lift every burden off of you. I want to sit back, and watch you playfully toss around in the smoothly flowing breeze. And at the end of the day, I want to rest your head in my lap, smoothing your ruffled hair, under the star lit skies of the dark, talking of nothing! Staring into your eyes, losing myself!

You have called me a casanova! You have wondered how many girls have heard these things from me! There have been words that I have spoken to them too! I have never denied it! You already know of all my affairs! Ironic as it may seem, it is due to them, that I now tell you the same words, with a passion that I had never had till now. It is due to them, that I have now started to love you, respect you, and want you. You still continue to tease me! I still continue to love you.

We have both shared great moments of happiness together. Do you think I remember them? No! I don't! Do you want to know what I do remember? I remember your hearty laughter at my pranks! I remember the first time I locked eyes with yours. I remember the first time I held your hand and never let go of it. I remember the sweet aroma of yours, when you wrapped your hands around my neck, drawing me close to you!

I have dreams of us. I have dreams that I want to make true! I have dreams that I dream with my eyes open. You are a part of all of them. The family we are going to rise, the children we will have! The things they will learn from you, and from me! The house that we shall build for ourselves. I dream of helping you achieve whatever you aim at. I dream of being a part of all your endeavours, of your dreams, and your life!

Do I know if my dreams will come true? Do I know if our love will travel the path we chose? My heart sighs at these questions. I do not have the answer. All I know is that I am in love with you. I want to enjoy this feeling of being! And for this, I am ready to deny the reality and accept the illusions! The illusion that you are here with me! Yes! I know! I love you so much. But do you know?

Divine Conflicts!

2006-02-06T19:34:00.000-06:00

Before the phantom of False morning died,

Methought a Voice within the Tavern cried,

"When all the Temple is prepared within,

Why nods the drowsy Worshipper outside?"

- English Translation from Rubaiyat (by Omar Khayyam)

Past few weeks have been time and again spent in the contemplations of customs, traditions, the aspects of prayers, worships and God - altogether. I have not been worshipping or offering my daily prayers like I have to - as directed by the caste system. I have tried to involve in other activities that has to a certain extent gained precedence over my routine worship. Honestly, it disturbed me. It was a tug of war between the ethical directions and the mind. It led to a lot of introspection, thoughts, queries and answers!

I happened to read Bertrand Russell's "A Free Man's Worship" - it posed the same questions as in my mind. Was it helpful? I guess so. There are things I have come to realize, but to convince myself of them, is turning out to be a difficult proposition than what I thought! They make sense logically, ethically, and even in the precincts of religiousness.

These days my mind vehemently opposes to subject itself to the drudgery of routineness! The boredom is repulsive! And I have been trying to experiment with varied facets to overcome this. The daily prayers, worships are methods of achieving inner discipline, peace of mind, and tranquility. When methods turn to habits, I guess that is when they start becoming bland! The guilt that is accompanied by such feelings in no way helps, and the situation only got worse. I finally accepted the fact that I for one, am bored of the rituals. Am I being defiant? I think not. I do not find them meaningless. I respect them even to this day. But I am bored of them! This holds true even to the daily attributes. The mind craves variety - variety of people, variety of thoughts, variety of challenges! Am I giving to my senses? Or am I losing my discipline? I felt I was being agnostic! That my mind was clouded by my doubts and I gave them a lot of precedence. I had to stand clear and think! And for this, I had to accept. I accepted that I wanted to explore newer ways of enriching my daily life. To add a new dimension to the mundane activities and thus realize an entire different level of well being. I do not feel I am being anti-religious, or dubious of my religious principles. Perhaps, it is a hint to myself.

One thing is for sure, I will have a tough time in keeping a job! Unless I find ways of making it exciting, and learning new stuffs, I am sure, I will be skipping the jobs like a mad bunny! Heck! I may totally stop working, and rush out to meet life head on! Maybe be an explorer! Come to think of it. Isn't that what I am doing right now too? Life again seems so exciting and wonderful! Three cheers to that!!

Sapne suhaane ladak pan ke-1!

2006-02-04T22:28:00.000-06:00

I always feel that telephone calls during the night times must be banned! Why?! Well for starters, isn't the night itself intoxicating? I mean for non-drinkers like me, it is this time that really brings out the hidden secrets of us! And what is the trigger for this? Well.. the phone! And that is how our story begins today!

It was just any other wasted weekend we guyz were having in our apartment! Each of us acting like born fools - teasing the monkey out of each of us! Therein comes a call from a friend and eventually the talk that started with the rigmaroles of work, winds through the policies of Bush administration, and before long, we are talking about our childhood crushes! Now wait a minute! You are asking me what the relation was to all these talks? Heck! Have you ever asked the same question to Karan Johar?! Better still, if Vikram Bhatt could get off with passing Mauritius to be Bombay in Kasoor! I can too! So well, pipe down, and listen to the story; which has thankfully neared its end! So before long, we had both recollected all our crushes, fantasies, and tomfoolery of our erstwhile days! The night is young still, and I thought that I'd rehash with you people too, about my (and your) childhood memories!

Ok! Tape rewind to circa 1984-85. Whatz that? You are watching it in Black n White? Duh! Anyways, it was the class of 1st standard. And I was playing the game of "Mummy-Daddy" with the girl sittin' next to me. And before I knew, ******* (two flowers touchin' eachother, two birds - typically doves/parrots coochie cooin'), camera tilt - the girl is blushing, and the guy is shocked! Why? Well, the teacher saw it! And I had to change my place! *deep sighs*.

Lesson learnt:-One doesn't get babies by kissing girls! (That gave me a good sleep that night!)

Tape fast forwards to circa 1989-90. Ok! Now this one, we will show in eastman color! A group of guyz playing cricket and lagori on the streets in Rajajinagar! All emulating our favorite heroes of Kannada film industry. Yours truly, remembering the style with which Dr. Raj had teased Arathi by hitting her with a stone; promptly threw the ball at a girl walking down our street! Well before long, one could watch a cute little boy, running like his balls were set on fire, down the street - being chased by the girl! *more deep sighs*.

Lesson learnt:-It's tough to run while managing to hold the falling chaddi in one hand!

Now, now, you can all stop sniggering. Well, atleast am being honest in admitting my crushes. Now is it just a co-incidence that there is just a letter difference between crush and crash? But aren't they among the best memories of our lives? I still remember the dress that my crush wore in the group dance competition! Me dressed in a pink shirt (EEEEEks!!!) and black pant - with a cute black bow! She in a pink frill frock! Both of us twisting our bodies to "Baar Baar dekho hazaar baar dekho"! I can still vividly remember the first birthday present that I had hand-made for her! Those innocent romantic days filled with promises of never forgetting eachother! Whatz that again? How many similar promises I did? Heck! who remembers! I always thought it was the first time with each one. *cutely batting the eyelashes*

Well, what can one say! Its just beautiful! Is it the age? Is it the sheer innocence of the feelings? (Oh! stop sniggerin! I was indeed innocent). Who cares! What mattered was that each time the heart felt it was in love! Maturity for one, does strip the heart of this innocence! yes! now we know what love is all about! But sometimes.. when the night is intoxicating, and you are just so wasted on the weekends... it is the memories of those puppy loves that bring a smile to the face and a brightness to the dreariness of the dark! Amen to that!

I'm comin' up .. so u better get this party started!!!!!

2006-02-02T13:30:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah! baby!! Now.. all you guyz n galz line up! On the count of three... three.. two.. two1/2.. two 1/4... one!! TaDaaaaan!! *Tralalalalalalala* *jhing chak jigi jigi chak* *girls shrieking their lungs out* and now.. a solemn voice comes about reverberating in the DTX style - "mic check... mic check..1 2 3..."yappy burrday to you... yappy burrrday to you.. yappy burrday to you bloggy dearie... yappy birthday tooo you. Mayyy gaaawdddd bleeesss youuu. youuu're written by a maaankeeeyyyyyy... and he writes about them too". [vehement protests heard in the background by the fans of Meghana Naidu, Himanshu Malik, Kishan kumar, et al]

"Ladies, gentlemen and Kishan kumar! Exactly one year and one day ago, there was a historical event of least significance dat happened in the vaarld of blaagging (read more aptly as braggin'). On this day, an entry was made in the hiding. With much predicament, apprehension, and circumspection, an entity of the biological world of homo sapiens who had been aptly addressed to by other worthy specimens of the same species.. as "the all knower", "the intelligent", and "the expert"!! (I'll pause till this sentence sinks to the itsy bitsy brains of Meghana Naidu and Himanshu Malik.) made his first entry (well it wasn't really the first.. or was it.. heck who cares! Let's party!!!) in the blogger space! *sniff* *sniff* [This is a typical Karan-barjatya moment of sentiments over flowing]. Awwwww!! I always like such happy moments.. *sniff* *sniff*.. *brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm* (blowing my nose). Anyways.. so continuing.. all you worthy readers out there.. started getting your fill of absolute crap from me! What more! Shit happened, I always forgot to flush it ;)

Anyways, the past is past... and now we are setting forth on a new year! To bring forth even more outcry on the acting prowess of lots of people! Bollywood is still churning out disasters in the disguises of actors/actresses and as long as it is going on at it, you are assured of this column's survival!! *heavin' a sigh of relief*

So with the great responsibility having been vested on my slender and delicate shoulders of supporting the cause of all these people, I here by humbly accept your wishes and you can mail me all your presents at my residential address (please email me personally the details of the presents that you want to send me, so I can decide on whether or not I can give u my address. So all you sweety-pies out there, better come up with a good list ok?)

what'z that? you want a party? Hmm.. lemme think... ok! You will get one! and guess whoz comin' to the party!! It's my dear ol' Garfy!!!!!! *more girls cat-calling (sic)* And now... let the party begin!!!

"I like to move it move it.. I like to move it move it.. ya like to...?

MOVE IT!!" [in chorus]

Well dudaas and dudees let's get wasted! And the persona divine now exits.. amidst much fanfare and pompous farewell!!

She Walks in Beauty...

2006-01-31T22:51:00.000-06:00

Found this written on someone's door while walking in my office. It instantly caught my attention with its beauty of expression. It was only the first paragraph that they had on there, and hence, as soon as I came home, I went online to figure out who wrote this! Well! bingo! found the culprit who had so wonderfully worded the magic of Love! Lord Byron is his name, and here is the poem, that stole my heart! Wish I cud tell this to the love of my life.. someday.. somewhere! ;)

She Walks in Beauty, like the night

Of Cloudless climes and starry skies,

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes;

Thus mellow'd to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress
Or softly lightens o'er her face,
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek and o'er that brow
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,—
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.

-George Gordon Byron, Lord Byron. 1788–1824

And the secret is out....!!!

2006-01-28T18:28:00.000-06:00

With much apprehension, hesitation, and circumspection, have I finally decided to show what I had been upto.. a prelude to which you guyz had already gotten in the post below this one! *cheeks turning RED* * heart beating faster n faster*....
So guyz... what do u think? eh? *eyes winkin'*

Tongue-in-cheek!!

2006-01-27T12:46:00.000-06:00

I was not so sure of myself! Can I do it? Must I do it? I was not so sure! You know.. it isn't the same thing as Himanshu acting! He just doesn't care if its acting or not! He just does it! On the other hand if only I was as deft as Mallika or Meghana in strippin'! But I am not a pro in what I am about to do!

You know.. it had been quite a while, since I had done it! I still remember the first time that I did it.. I was young! I was confused! It was an instinct, and it just happened! I did not intend to do so! I was surprised at what came out!! I looked at it in awe and wonder! It felt good! Initially I had to look at something when doing it! But later on, with seasonin', I had started to imagine and do it! And I did a pretty good job on it too! It felt good even more! I had started to improve!

But before long, the increasing work, studies, and stress had reduced the frequency of it. I still used to take sometime off and do it. It was very relaxing, and refreshing! But all this was in the past! Yeah! It has been a long time since I did it! And now, I wanted to do it again! Self-doubt plagued me. I resolved to do it no matter what! Maybe I will fail, maybe the result would not be what I wanted it to be! But one had to take the chance! I had abstained from it for a long time. It was now time to break the circle.

I looked at it - long, and lying limp! I said to it - You have got a job dude! And you better get up and get it done! I held it in my hand! I could feel the coldness. I shuddered. Must I do it still? My mind was racing.... there was no turning back now! The question was, must I imagine or must I see something? I did not want to take any chances... I decided on the latter. I did not want to strain my brain a lot, it already had a lot of work to do, in co-ordinating my hands!! But the travails did not end there! I had to choose what to see! Something that is stimulating to the eyes and pleasant! I searched! I went online looking for it! Wonder of Wonders, I found it in an email attachment! It was with me all the while?!!!! The time had finally come! I was all set to do it!

I started slowly, my hands quivering, even as I held it! Like a swimmer testing the water before getting into it, I slowly moved my hands. There were light strokes coming up! I continued for sometime. Things started shaping up, and it started to make sense. I could not stop it now. I had to do it. I was at it, and I did not have any more doubts in my mind! I could do it! yes! I can! I am doing it! I was exhilarated! I could not believe my eyes! I had not lost the touch!! Yes!!!!! It was complete!!! I heaved a huge sigh of relief, and wiped the sweat off my brow! I looked at it, and felt immense satisfaction rushing into my being! It is done! I got up, and cracked my fingers! They were relieved too! yes! It had been a long time. I resolved that I will do it more regularly! I went to sleep. It was a peaceful sleep that I slept last nite!

P.S :- Sooooooooooooooooooo.... all those of you, who are wonderin' what it is all about! Keep reading this column, for an update! Till then, happy guessing!!!

Rustling up some Russell!

2006-01-25T20:17:00.000-06:00

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly."
--Albert Einstein in a letter to Morris Raphael Cohen, professor emeritus of philosophy at the College of the City of New York, defending the controversial appointment of Bertrand Russell to a teaching position, dated March 19, 1940.

It seemed quite justifiable that I start this blog with a quote by Einstein on Bertrand Russell, for it was he, who introduced me to him! Weird as it may seem, I had taken profound interest in Quantum physics and found Einstein a divus in this land! In his book "Ideas and Opinions", he spoke with extreme veneration on Bertrand Russell. What really drove me to him nevertheless, was an excerpt from his book mentioned by good ol' Alby, in his essay. The excerpt was from a book by Russell - "An Inquiry into Meaning and Truth". Now mind you, me and my imbecile brain were both at a Pre-University level, and to tell you the truth, could garner abysmally minimal amount of what Bertrand had penned. I have indeed come a long way since then, with my mediocrity, and yes, he still holds me in awe! A change being that now, much like a slow learner, I have begun to understand the simple matters, intricately woven in his verbal maze!

Bertrand Russell is ruthless in his presentation of matters, and seldom tries to simplify his thoughts! I have found him unrelenting in his expression of his ideas and views, which bludgeons the principles he speaks of, and holds the reader in rapt attention (whether he understands it or not is a different issue altogether). There are some simple books that one may want to start with -

The Conquest of Happiness :- After several months of abstaining from Bertrand Russell, invariably scared by his verbal aptitude as also the complexity of the ideas presented, I chanced upon this book. It exposed a more humane front of Russell - one wherein he is relatively simple in his expression. As for the ideas he talks of in this book, well let me tell you, this isn't a How-to-be-happy-in-24-hrs book in the layman sense of it. As with any great philosopher, he expects the reader to be mature enough to contemplate on his views, and not just accept them at the face value. In the end, one is convinced of his view of happiness and how one is to be happy amidst the rigmaroles of day-to-day lives.

Education and Social Order :- Education is one of Russell's most passionate topics. His concern is clearly evident when he lucidly talks about topics that range from the method of teaching, to the subjects involved in educating the younger minds! He raises a very interesting question in this book. He wonders about how the younger generation must be educated? Must they be groomed to become ideal citizens? Or to become ideal Individuals? Want to have a take on this one?
Mysticism and Logic :- The book starts with one of the celebrated essays of Bertrand Russell - "A Freeman's Worship". In this book he explores the various aspects of Religion, science, and metaphysics. He dwells at length on topics like mathematics, and its relation with the real world, philosophy and metaphysics. Here's an insightful writing coming directly from his pen, "The habit of being unable to recognize merit until it is dead is too apt to be the result of a purely bookish life, and a culture based wholly on the past will seldom be able to pierce through everday surroundings to the essential splendour of contemporary things, or to the hope of still greater splendour in the future." [Chapter 3: The Place of Science in Liberal Education, pp-51]
An Inquiry into Meaning and Truth :- By far it is the most complicated book amongst all that I have read so far. His expositions on meaning begins right with the very base of words, language, and their use to express the ideas and feelings. Then comes the question of Truth! What is truth? What is the measure of truth? Here is where Russell lost me (or wherein I lost him)! The ethical view points on truth dives deep into the aspects of science, psychology and metaphysics! When I read this book, I was in my I PUC. Probably, I may change.

It's only words...

2006-01-23T22:27:00.000-06:00

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine, wrote a beautiful mail to me. In which she wrote about words; words that we utter, that we write, that we use to express our deepest feelings and desires. It had me thinking about the importance of words in our day to day lives. Ofcourse they are important. As already said, that is how we express! That is how we have learnt to put across the multitudinous feelings that rage within us. Ever wondered how it would be if we were incapable of expressing with words? So, words have thus, made themselves very important for us. Yet another factor is who utters those words! Isn't it? Words that we would have heard over and over again, gain a certain importance when they come from a certain group of people. Words that a stranger (a person with whom we may feel no connection whatsoever) may not even reach our ears, but the slightest murmur of discomfort from our closest people is enough to create a storm of feelings in our minds.

What that offsets, determines to a large extent the future of the relationships. Often, harsh words give rise to harsh words. My teacher would remind us often, "People who fly into a rage, always make a bad landing". Words uttered in anger, dismay, confusion, only leads to more of it. To react to that in the same manner, only worsens the situations. So how is one to have the balance maintained in such a way, that it remains unaltered in the most adverse situations? How is one to give rise to words of love, and comfort when one is being abused? I am yet to learn it. But I am sure that it can be done.

Sure, they are only words, words that were created by us. But words are all we have, to build a better world.

More on the oceans....

2006-01-20T03:35:00.000-06:00

Long long ago I had written a blog on oceans - the ol' blues of the world! Enormous quantities of water, and yet held within its limits! Varied secrets of the past, all hidden in its depths! The silent witness to the change that has been effective ever since the life was first formed in its wombs. Even more, being a part of that change, of that evolution! Bridging civilizations, and continents! Sometimes collecting a rather heavy toll for this service! The originator for several adventures, fairy tales, myths and legends! The mighty ocean!

One thing that is absolutely astounding about the ocean is its majesticity, and composure! Sure people have taken it for granted! They use it as a burial ground for the crap and s**** they want to discard! Every now and then, they spill oil into the oceans over a war that is only governed by selfish desires and personal hegemonies! And before long, they run to the oceans, feeling sorry for their deeds, trying to make up for their mistakes by cleaning up the mess that would not have been there in the first place, if man for his sense had the ability to control his tempers and desires! What more! they try to utilize the resources of the ocean, thanklessly plundering its vast riches for their personal benefits! Directly feeding their poisonous discards into its calm waters, making them murky, just like their minds - full of anger, suspicion, hatred, and disrespect for fellow humans. Before long, the ocean digests it all, rejuvenates and again holds its arms aloft for the life!

Then again, there comes a time, when in rage, the mighty ocean soars to heights that man cannot fathom, with a strength that dwarfs the technological prowess and power established by man, and in a single gulp destroys everything that it had sustained! Nature is the very repository for the calm. When humans mistake this, and take it for granted, abusing it, and misusing it, they are but digging their own burial grounds. For a day may come, when the earth shall rumble, and the oceans may set out to scale new limits, and then, man quivers!

What is amusing is that man, at that time, sets out to write poems and articles and makes movies, calling upon the nature to recollect what its duty is supposed to be! Deploring its rage! Asking it to forget the loads of abuse mankind has heaped on it! Sometimes, I do wonder, what the ocean would think about mankind! Mankind calls upon a relationship that it failed to respect and honor at the moment of its abuse - one wonders just how much more opportunist can man get to be! Before long, the ocean regains its composure! The cosmic silence again fills its depths, and rumbles onto the surface carried out by the mighty winds!

I admire nature, and its patience.

A Glossary for Netizens!

2006-01-19T15:36:00.000-06:00

The Jan 16, 2006 edition of TIME has several interesting articles that makes it worth having in the collection. Some of the issues that it has concentrated this time around, includes the cultural dilemma faced by the many cross-culture breeds and more so, the Asian Americans; the recent scandal to rock the White House in the form of Jack Abramoff, and more importantly a series of articles based on some recent findings about the human brain and its effective utilization.

Of interest here is the last one. The growing techno-savviness, the rat race, and the urge to stay way ahead of everyone has, as the articles claim, begun to take a heavy toll on the power of our brains. Rather than enabling us to utilize the brain even more, such heavy gadgety trend has made us alarmingly dependent on the machines and hence even as our productivity is on a decline, various forms of disorders are on the rise. With this bird-view, I would leave it to the interests of my readers to either pursue and find out more, or else just ignore this post! (Oh! Well.. yet another on the list!).

For those of you, who continued to read on.. one of the articles concentrated on the issue of "Multi-tasking". This caught my attention because, I do a lot of this. Even as I am typing out my blog on my office computer, I have a program being executed on my laptop, a messenger running, a conversation over the cell phone, and not to forget the intermediate visits by my colleagues and supervisors..... oops.. just remembered something, lemme jot it down real quick on this stick pad, right next to me! I too like many others am deluged to think that I am being more productive, the article nevertheless begs to differ! This overt increase in the quantity of work, on the longer run seems to deteriorate the quality of the same!!

Well, it also lists a glossary of terms that have been introduced to funkily name our little "idiosyncracy" (as I would like it to be called.. rather than a compulsive disorder). I am sure, a lot of you out there, would be amazed to identify yourselves with them.

Screen Sucking:- Wasting time online long after you have finished what you signed on to do.
Frazzing:- Frantic, ineffective multitasking, typically with the delusion that you are getting a lot done. The quality of the work, however, is poor. (Thankfully, I feel I am at a stage where I can retract and revamp myself)
Pizzled:- How you feel when someone you are with pulls out a cell phone or Blackberry and uses it without an apology or explanation. A cross between pissed off and puzzled! (A lot of my friends were though.. and well heck! am not even picking up my cell phone now! Phew!)
Doomdart:- The internal distraction of a forgotten task that pops into your mind when you are doing something else. A side of frazzing.

Well all of these were taken from the article in the TIME magazine. It has in turn borrowed the same from a forthcoming book, CrazyBusy:Overstretched, Overbooked and About to Snap - Strategies for Coping in a World Gone ADD (Ballantine Books; 246 Pages) authored by psychiatrist Edward Hallowell.

Some observations from everyday life!!

2006-01-17T15:53:00.000-06:00

Well, whoever said Life's a roller coaster ride, had for true, lived it! (Am gettin' good at making such quotable quotes). Well, the past few days, right after the very first week of the New Year, I had been way up above, and then took a plummetting drop to down the pit, and just when I thought that my carriage is going to be broken to splinters, it regained, and is in motion again! Now I just dunno what lays ahead, but yeah, I am loving this! Just when, the life feels that the person is getting complacent in its issue, it throws up a surprise! And boy! does that wake u up!!
It is very easy to be angry, mouth out words, to inflict wounds verbally, and later on regret. But as the great thinker Aristotle had figured it out much earlier in during the 300 BC period - To be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way - That is not easy!! (This is the opening quote from the world famous book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman.)
It is easy to call discord, and mayhem a revolution! But to create a true revolution, we will have to first of all begin with the right step, and the right manner, in the right path, that shall lead us to our goals. Be it personal, or social, a revolution that has lost its sense of purpose, is detrimental, useless, and forgone!
With great power, comes great responsibility. (Ok! Spiderman! cool it! I know I took this off of you.. but hey! it was true in my case too!) The creativity one is vested with, is also a power. To nurture it, and to allow it to grow is a great responsibility! What is even greater is to know how to utilize it for the betterment of the self!
When our commitments over ride our lives! When our duties devastate our inner balance! When we begin to live a life for others so much that we forget to live for ourselves, that is when you realize that you must take a break! And in that realization, GO GET ONE!!
If one's happiness depends on what others say or think of us! Then there is a problem! (Based on one of my most favorite quotes from ILLUSIONS - by Richard Bach).
We sometimes let our hatred for our enemies come in between our love for our friends. We keep our enemies but lose our friends! (Yet another quotable quote by yours truly ;) )
Life is beautiful.

Chokher Bali : Tagore's message through a story!

2006-01-15T19:15:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I happened to watch a much acclaimed movie by Rituporna Ghosh - Choker Baali (Sand in the Eye). It is a movie based on an adaptation of the novel by Rabindranath Tagore - Binodini. The movie relates the tale of 2 women - Binodini and Ashalatha and their intense struggle over a man Mahendranath. The main protagonist is nevertheless Binodini. Mahendra's mother was initially interested in making Binodini her daughter-in-law, given her prowess in English and her beauty. But Mahendranath does not interest accept. Binodini is married to another person, who dies within a year. Mahendranath eventually marries Ashalatha (played by Riya Sen). Mahendranath's mother brings the widow Binodini home, and she grows close to Ashalatha. Binodini is given a name "Chokher Bali", by Ashalatha. Binodini who was till then restrained in her desires, begins to covet the marital pleasures that Ashalatha is enjoying. She now acts a seductress, and succeeds in enticing Mahendranath. This creates a rift between Mahendra and Ashalatha. The latter leaves to Kashi to spend some time in contemplation. Binodini is made to leave the house, and she arrives at the doorsteps of Behari (an adopted son for Mahendra's mother) and pleads with him to marry her. Having been rejected by him too, she comes back to her village, to be followed by Mahendra, who would have left his house for her sake.

Binodini, now has her heart set on Behari, and rejects Mahendra's advances, and pleads with him to take her to Kashi, so she can meet Behari again. He promises not to take advantage of her, and eventually at Kashi, Mahendra reunites with Ashalatha. Behari proposes to Binodini, but on the day of the marriage, Binodini leaves for good, and is never found.

The movie has a lot of highlights worth mentioning. The first and foremost is the depiction of the plight of widows in Calcutta, during the 1902 period. There are some very stirring moments such as when Binodini shows Ashalatha how to wear an English blouse her husband would have brought her. And while in Kashi, Ashalatha, being pregnant, is served fish curry by the widows. The widows then were barred from eating fish, and one can see the hunger in the eyes of the other widows, even as Ashalatha is eating the fish curry. Presumably, as shown in the movie, the widows were also barred from drinking tea. The script is taut, and interspersed with intelligent and witty dialogues - most of them flowing from the prime character, Binodini. The rebuke of Mahendranath by Binodini in several occassions has been very deftly treated. Right from the first advance that he makes towards her, Binodini has his manliness at her mercy! Sometimes, the viewer may be led to believe that Rituporna got carried away with the charisma of Aishwarya, and may have over cooked her character.

Sadly enough, Aishwarya Rai remains more of a sleaze factor in the movie than a character. Except in certain situations, her expression, in most part of the movie, is wooden! She fails to impress as a seductress. The necessary potion of intense romance, sexual tension, and allure is something that her body can just not brew! But its her eyes that are worth a thousand words and one has just gotto give it to 'em. The character of Ashalatha, played by Riya Sen (who for once doesn't seem so vampish) is a lack lustre, infront of Binodini. I am now interested to read the novel and to learn the treatment of the characters from the master himself! Though, I am sure that Rituporna would have done justice to all of 'em.

The most touching part of the movie is obviously the climax, wherein through a letter to her friend Ashalatha, Binodini draws a comparison of their condition with their land, Bengal. She laments over how, their lack of exposure to the wider world, and confinement to the four walls of household, resulted, in both of them fighting over a single man, and thus devastating the whole household. She hopes that even though, they have both parted ways (much like Bengal was divided into East and West Bengal), they would continue to remember their erstwhile friendship, and that it would still ensure that any future meetings between them (if it were to occur) would be cordial and as friendly as it were before.

I would want to do a more thorough review of the movie and its intended message to be passed across to the common man. Nevertheless, I would love to read the novel, before dwelling into more intricacies. That being, peace for now! Catch up with this one, whenever u are in mood for some serious stuff!

2006-01-11T16:37:00.000-06:00

yoon kabhie apne aap se juda ho jaata hoon
aaine ke saamne anjaan sa rehta hoon
apnon se toh dUr rahtaa tha
ab mujhse bhi dUr rehtaa hoon!

jeene ki tamanna liye jiye jA rahe the
jeena kise kehte hain maalUm na tha!
Ek din maut saamne aake khaDi huyi
main zindagi ko alvida kehne chala tha!
zindagi ne kahaa tUne mEra karz chukaaya nahin!
tU toh mujhe jiya hI nahin!
main zindagi ko apnAna chahta tha!
Maut saamne aake khaDi huyi thi!

2006-01-10T22:54:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had to break a bad news to the family over phone? Striking a conversation then becomes the most painful task! No matter how jovial or exuberant you may try to sound, the phonyness of the entire thing becomes evident sooner than one can say "hello"! It is even more so, with parents than anybody else!

What makes this task even more agonizing is the realization that you are the one stifling their dreams, aspirations, and happiness that you have yourself sowed in their life! For their part they may seem encouraging and supportive of your venture, but then the long drawn pauses between the sentences, the heavy breathing, and the choking voice are daggers that dig deep into one's soul, and makes life the most dreary thing to ever happen to you!

I hate myself when I am like this! Even more, when I am clueless! Like falling from pan to fire! But then again, what is wrong in feeling down at times? Staying upbeat and bubbly all the while is also being type cast. Isn't it? Or am I just rationalizing! I am missing my parents a lot. I wish I had my mother here with me, to reassure me that I can pull through this, and that everything is OK. I wish she would run her hands through my hair, mess them up and then set them straight again, joking on how many more hairs she made me lose. I wish my father was right next to me, assuring me that I am capable of handling anything that life throws at me, and that I can never disappoint him, as I never have, till now. The point being, they tried, they tried a lot. But, over a $ 5 call that will last 45 mins, I missed out on a lot of things! I dunno what to do... I just don't know.....

2006-01-09T22:02:00.000-06:00

Don't you sometimes wish for life to be a lot simpler than it is ?! Or is it that we tend to complicate matters than they could have been! I do wish I had a better understanding of all this! Even more so, a better understanding of myself! It really helps a lot to either be absolutely knowledgeable or a complete ignorant! Somehow this business of somewhere in between isn't what I am carved out for!

Consider the situation when you have to make choices! And these choices are what carve out a niche in your life! No, it is not as simple as choosing what movie of SRK to watch - Ashoka or K3G ?! Both are equally exasperating on the nerves. And you know for sure, that before long you will be running away from it as if you caught Shakti Kapoor with his pants down!!

No, this isn't about it at all! These are choices that are related to the precious things in life! The one's that are essential for your happiness and also the family that relies on you! The Duality literally splits one apart and the pain is excruciating! Indecision, consequences, risks - all take a toll on the mind, and before long, I will find me slouching on the couch, like a sloth, drooling all over, my hair all pointy like a porcupine, with bowls of icecream in front of me, watching reruns of Kattegalu saar Kattegalu, and suddenly developing a sense of liking to Ekta Kapoor's soaps!!

These are the times, I miss so many people! People with whom I probably could have confided my confusions and fears, with whom I might have spoken my concerns freely! I so much wish I would be a child again!

Even as I am lying on the bed typing this, my heart wishes that, I go to sleep now, and when I get up in the morning, everything would have been resolved! Yet! I know its only a wish! Have I stifled myself so much that I can't even plunge to take a risk, or is it that I value ethics, quite enough to restrain me from getting lured into matters, I later may regret? Yet again, today, my mind is full of questions. Just questions. And there is the wish.. of becoming a child again.. or maybe this is what growing up is all about! My eyes are getting drowzy.....

I guess the Lord Must be in NYC!!

2006-01-05T18:47:00.000-06:00

And yes, he was!! On the 29th and 30th of December! So that should answer the queries of all those who wondered if I was murdered by the fans of Himanshu Malik! Well not quite! I was out celebrating my life, in the East Coast of U S of "A"!! (remember Om puri doing this quoteable style in "Bollywood Calling"?)

I visited New Jersey, New York, Philadelphia, Washington DC and Atlanta!! Thanks to friends who get jobs in these celebrated places and give us an excuse for haunting them! My visit to Manhattan was nothing short of SUPERB! The ride on the ferry over the Atlantic Ocean (from Staten Island to Manhattan), with the gusts of the wind crashing into me, filled me with the energy and vigor of the mighty waters! I could smell the enthusiasm of the city that never sleeps! It is a feeling of experiencing the joy of life that enraptures one's heart when they set foot into such places, be it in any part of the world!! Walking through Times Square, watching the faces of the people, made me want to stand still and savor it forever! The people who brushed against me, who shoved me, or pushed me, were not celebrities! I do not remember their faces, I do not know them! They had a life parallel to mine, one that I am unaware of! Their lives are complete with their joys and sorrows, worries and fears, and yet in that moment of touch, a transverse was drawn that connected us! The festive celebration to invite a new year, full of hopes and assurances! The smiles we exchanged, the happiness we shared during that momentary eye contact, made a celebrity of one another!

I was happy and satisfied at my commonness! I cherished the earthly bonding of the people around me! I was happy to be there and thankful to my friends who were with me! I know you will read this, and will feel happy. That is what makes this worthwhile to write! Thanks!

Time Wrap - 2005!!

2006-01-05T17:39:00.000-06:00

Cartoon courtesy:- http://cagle.msnbc.com/politicalcartoons/

Ok! Let's see, I am 4 days and 18 hours late in wishing you all A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR! And I know a lot of you guys(and gals) have been visiting this page hoping for an update! (Even if you ain't, in the spirit of the good ol' year.. keep nodding your heads). Well, as considerate as I am, of all your feelings, I have taken time to do so, finally!! So now, pipe down, and rest your hearts!.....

*lol* *lol* *lol* woah dudes! Who we kidding heeeeeere!! Its a NEW YEAR!! So raise those champagnes once again, and lets get to partyyyyyyyyy and laugh ourselves out silly thinking of all the stupid things we did last year and how we are gonna repeat them again this year!! Lets hit the floor and dance our hearts out not having a care in the world for the grouchy types who spend their new year, worrying that they now are a year older than they were!! Heck! Am in retrograde motion of my aging!!

Now a lot of my dudes and dudeees(not to let the female species out.. you know) have chronicled their past year, listing their achievements, their happiness, and moments of sorrow, and listed their resolutions for the year coming up! Now that got me to think, what the heck I am doing watching Kareena Kapoor tear my ear drums out with her shrill shreiks in K3G!! And in that moment of supreme revelation, I decided to assume the posture of horizontal alignment on a soft and bonky surface and ponder on my life! But before long, I got up shrieking in horror of having seen Kishan Kumar singing, albeit in a dream! Well that done, I packed my bags and went off wandering in search of a calm place to ponder on my year gone by!

While in the journey I ran into several specimens of the sapien species all in varied moods of celebration! Now lemme warn you all that there are some of these who would rather write a 1000 page books or dreary poems crying over the pathetic existence of human life, glorifying its miseries, of brutal deaths, and depressing life styles, walking their way into the next year, that would make watching Sanjay Kapoor dance in Raja a blissful experience! But thatz about all that they are, and they shall remain so! Now I wudn't let a divine mistake like Sanjay Kapoor (well in all due regards to him, guyz, lets be fair, hez a manufacturing defect!) or his followers thwart my peace! Having said that, and gotten it out of my system, I did find a blissful place to ponder on the self that I have glorified by calling "I"!!

There I knew, it does not quite matter. Years come and go, time flows by and all that jazz! But the beauty of life, and the celebration of it never ceases one bit! Every moment and every second is new and in each of them offer us the chance to celebrate our existence! Sure we have problems, and concerns, and have the massive swords of time and death hanging over our heads by the strand of these very seconds and moments! But in the spite of all these, is the beauty of the early morning sun, the beauty of a new beginning given to us with it, the smile on the lips that has the power of spreading the happiness throughout the world! And frankly nothing in our lives can be more dreary than watching Sanjay Kapoor, Kishan Kumar and Ajay Devgan dance for an Altaf Raja Song, with a music composed by Bappi Lahiri, wearing designer Govinda dress, ofcourse coupled by a series of female leads - Meghana Naidu, Payal Rohatgi, Mallika Sherwat! Thank God for that!

So, yes, I have lived through 2005, with my smile, spirit and energy intact!

My resolution for 2006? To continue to do so! So herez to life!!!!

The Great leveller!

2005-12-19T17:00:00.000-06:00

Last night I had a dream, in which I died a peaceful death. There are few things as intriguing and mysterious as death. The thing that I really romanticize in death is the fact that it is the only thing that unifies all animate entities. I would (if it is possible), be really interested to know what people would remember of me, after I died, and more so, what their reactions would be at my death.

Let us not infuse this with emotions but instead look through an objective stand point. If anything, I would like to be remembered as an enigma! I say this, because, I know how so many people have claimed to have known and understood me, and yet, they quite haven't. Infact, I feel this is the same of every person we meet in our life time. Isn't that the reason, why death of a person itself is so intriguing? I remember, the first time, I was confronted with death. It was when my mother's youngest brother died of a fire accident. I was 6. I remember my mother breaking down inconsolably, at the news. It was the shock of the gruesome way he died that augmented her grief, as also the fact that he shall no more be a part of our lives. It did not have any effect on me, and I was infact left at home to play, while they went to the funeral.

When I was 15, my paternal grandmother, who had literally brought me up since my infancy died, all of a sudden. That was the first time, since I got my senses, that I saw my father break down. We left immediately, and when I saw the body of my grandmother laid down, strangely enough, I did not miss her. It was the moment they lifted it to be buried, that the sudden realization of her physical absence plagued my mind, and I cried. I cried so much that, death, that day, lost its tragedy to me. I have lost all of my grandparents, and I haven't cried. I find myself in the same position as I was when at the age of 6. Only thing being that, I now can feel the implications of death - the physical death.

Then there is a death that happens much more frequently; one that isn't physical. It is the murder of a personality that others do - of you. A personality that you are typecast in as, and then one day, they say, 'I never thought you could be so' - 'you are no more what you were'! That is when I realize that I am not a human! That somewhere in the course of life, I have become a typecast and lost my right to be human. And when a person dies such a death, even then people remember, not him, but his cast, his role, and his mask, that they had put on him, and had somewhere down the lane become his identity. It is revolting to me. Yes, I want to be remembered as the most mysterious person. I want people to wonder... "Hmm.. and I thought I knew him!" And probably, I would be standing right there, next to them, smiling, saying to myself, "That's what you thought.. "

An instrument of thy peace!

2005-12-19T16:33:00.000-06:00

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,grant that I may not
so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.
Prayer of St. Francis (13th Century)

Top 10 Reasons to Cast Meghana Naidu in a movie!

2005-12-18T21:45:00.000-06:00

Now for all those of you who are fed up of me talkin' about Meghana Naidu... well.. just go and watch a movie of hers!! You will start liking my blog better!! Now lets be fair to her.. and to make up for the grave injustice I have meted out to Ms. Me"ghana" Naidu by so vociferously voicing my pleasure of watching her do, what she believes is to be "acting", I list for you all the top 10 reasons for casting her in a movie! So all of you people who downplay her role in a movie, shall realize her true worthiness!

10. Her movies offer a change from the other dreary movies churned out by the Johar and Barjatya Co. Inc. with oh-so-purrrfect hero, heroines and mummies and daddies and designer sleazy clothes, and ofcourse a dog, or a cat, or a kabootar; whose only big problem in life is to choose a variety of people to fall in love with, and what locales to sing their mushy songs, and what designer clothes to wear to show how dreary our life styles are!!

9. The director for one doesn't have to bother about a story! All that needs to be present is a couple of love making scenes thrown along with, the often beaten, washed, dry cleaned, and torn story plot of a rich boy and poor girl, or a way ward wife/husband, or a misled girl (Oh! Woebegone).

8. She is not as bad as Payal Rohatgi in terms of looks, and not as costly as Mallika Sherawat (who by the way I hear, has decided to keep her clothes on for the time being!)

7. Her movies have been proven effective in treating people with mental disorders and has effectively replaced the painful shock treatments!

6. Her movies are used to educate people on 101 ways of undressing in less than 10 secs.

We now take a break for an important announcement.. zandu balm zandu balm.. peedaa haari balm.. zandu balm.. zandu balm!!

T-Series presents the startling actor cast and re-cast once again! *bada boom.. music playing in the background* sitaaron ka sitaara.. aa rahe hain.. Kishan kumar!!! Ek nayee movie mein.. "Main Amitabh Bacchan banna chahta hoon" - music playing in the background.. "toink toink..( a pig goes oink oink).. toink toink.. aaaa... aaaa... aaaa... bada booom*

We now resume our program once again!!!

5. While her movies can be used under limited circumstances to treat depressions, it has been established that an overdoze of the same can amount to a 3rd degree torture that has been proven worthwhile in extracting the truth from hardcore criminals and terrorists.

4. The production cost of the movie is obviously going to be extremely low! The hero can be supremely forgotten as obviously it is a one-woman show. That the story writer hasn't been paid is evident by the story line, and so is the case with the dialogue writer, and editor! The only person who seems to have enjoyed would be the cameraman (for obvious reasons!) and the male lead!

3. In case of an alien attack, which reliable resources have confirmed to me would be imminent, it can be used as a self-defence mechanism, to fool them into believing that the earthlings are supremely retarded and infectiously mediocre species, and before long they shall be running for their brains!!

2. There is no need to spend thousands on the clothes, as she quickly manages to get out of them! For the same reason it doesn't even matter what she wears! (That should offer Salman and Govinda a challenge).

1. I would have lost a wonderful topic to write about in my blog!!!

PS:- And they said this blog was pensive and philosophical!!!!

Surprise of Surprises!!!

2005-12-13T14:23:00.000-06:00

Woah!!!! Know what I was in my last birth!! A GIRAFFE!!! Hmm... seems like I have lost quite a lot of things.. the tail for instance ;) and not to mention the loooooooooong neck!! Well.. ok.. my friends tend to disagree! They say I was more of a primate!! Oh well!!

You Were a Giraffe

You are a high achiever - able to reach things others can't.
A great communicator, you are good at getting past superficialities.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Me and My Birthday!!!

2005-12-13T14:17:00.000-06:00

Ok.. the reason I am posting this.. hehehehe.. is not to know what my birthday would mean to me.. but to let u all know when my birthday is.. so start buying the PRESENTS!!!!! :D :D :D

Your Birthdate: March 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested.
You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them.
Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others.
You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself.

Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence

Your weakness: Suspicion of others

Your power color: Eggplant

Your power symbol: Spade

Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Me and my blog!!

2005-12-13T14:13:00.000-06:00

Ok.. herez what one of the websites had to say about my blogging, ie. after I answered a few of their questions.. ehehhe.. what do u guyz think?

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading...
You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose.
Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily.
But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

What's Your Blogging Personality?

Rivers of Blood

2005-12-12T22:19:00.001-06:00

Ok.. I seem to have written this poem when the carnage at Godhra and Ahmedabad happened. This poem was dedicated to all the victims of these massacres.

The Rivers of Blood

Deep in the interiors of the battered lands
Carving the courses with shapeless hands,
Unhindered flow, a thousand scarlet streams
Fed by sadness, endless tears and shattered dreams.

The monotonous, moaning, deathly song
Piercing the stillness all night long,
Filling it with stories-of mistrust, betrayal, and hatred.
Thence they flow- the rivers of blood.

Parched throats, barren eyes, seeking love all their lives,
Thousands wander on the land, shadowed by bloodened knives.
Deep they suck, with never ending thirst,
Lest they dry, fall down and rust.

Down beneath the trickled blood seeps
Sorrows and sighs – it hoards and reaps.
To nourish the stream, down it goes,
Joins the troop and along it flows.

Woe! Begone! To the hand with the glistening knife
Alas! Its my friend of yesters who holds strife.
Yet its he, who brought this gloom-
The drought of hell, the message of doom.

One wonders why, in the stead of love,
We always choose to hate our brethren?
We choose to kill, we choose to burn
Them whom we would love and be loved in return.

Its an attempt futile – we fail to see,
The game of death fills us with glee.
Blinded by rage – the glisten of scarlet and burning red,
Like fools we swim, in the rivers of blood.

-Praveen

What a discovery!!!

2005-12-12T22:19:00.000-06:00

When I was ravaging through some of my old documents, surprises of surprises... I discovered the collection of my English poems and short stories "Hope and Despair". It was a mushy moment.. as if I were watching Hrithik Roshan and Shahrukh Khan meeting eachother in K3G (yeah true!! Duh!!). Well, without much ado about nothing, lemme go on a spree of posting some of them here. Isn't it gonna be a welcome change! I mean.. for a few days, I can get to bug you with prose, that not just runs across, but instead runs down, and what more! It rhymes too!!! For those of you wondering when these were written, hehehe.. well when I was in my high school.. boy was I romantic since then!!! (My first kiss was when I was in 1st standard..hehehehe).

WHEN THE HEART CALLS!

Deep in my heart, a voice echoes
A melodious, sweet song of distance-beckons,
Me to a far off land, of dreams, of paradise;
And lose myself in the enchantment of beauty.

It takes me to the land of starts,
Twinkling far away, all the hours.
It carries me through moonlit ways,
Off to a land, where love tune plays.

A voice unknown, a face unseen.
Just a feeling of love inbetween.
Yet somewhere deep in my heart,
She dwells to make my life smart!

The elixir of heaven fails at her lips,
My heart leaps at the touch of her tips.
The beauty of the flora queen,
In front of hers, seems too mean!

She binds me with her locks,
With her looks, she sends through shocks!
And paralyzes me with her smile,
Making me wonder all the while.

The nights are spent with no sleep,
Thinking of her in my heart’s deep.
Every beat of my heart calls for you-
Just tell me – I LOVE YOU!

On Chronicles and Potter!!

2005-12-11T01:45:00.000-06:00

So I did say that "Chronicles of Narnia" deserves a special mentioning of its own, in a separate blog altogether! The movie, it must be specially mentioned is all about one of the books - "The Lion, the witch and the Wardrobe". The Chronicles, itself has different sets of books, probably 7 in number, totally. The movie in consideration deftly presents with ample special effects, the story line. It is well told, taut in presentation and remarkably enchanting. The Lion is probably the highlight of the entire movie! It is so majestic, one has to see it to believe it. Ofcourse, its animated! But yet, it made me wish so much that it were not! Imagine having Lions as huge and magnanimous as Aslan!! I could find traces of Lord Of the Rings, here and there, afterall C S Lewis and J R R Tolkien were very good friends. Well, don't miss it for any reasons.

Today, I had been to watch "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". Frankly the movie is a bit of a disappointment. It made me realize once again, the difference between a book and a movie. The books weaves magic in every page! It is so extensive in its description, that it sets our imagination free to explore the magic world of Hogwarts. The movie seemed to be done with a lot of hastiness, skipping the nuances that would make the movie memorable! A lot of precedence has been given to express the adolescent wishes of the characters, and trust me, its over done!! Whatz with moaning myrtle hitting on Harry Potter!! One really notable point of the movie is the return of Voldemort. Joseph Fieness has been chosen for the role of Voldemort, and he certainly suits the character! His return has been effectively picturized. Personally, I also find the character of Albus Dumbledore in the movie a bit funny! While the character in the book is refined, stately humorous and very patient, the one in the movie is restless, and unsuitably mannered. I miss the Dumbledore of the very first movie, its a pity he had to pass away so soon. One can definitely see the charm slowly withering away from the movie! I do hope the next one succeeds in making up for the loss. Else, the good ol' books and the brain shall raise to occassion, and its the journey to the magical land of dreams, that is going to be in vogue! Ready for the call?

Of movies and more..

2005-12-10T04:03:00.000-06:00

Ok.. today I went on a rampage in terms of viewing movies. I watched "The Chronicles of Narnia", "House of Wax", and a disgustingly horrible telugu movie "Idiot" (well.. thankfully its aptly titled). While the Chronicles would warrant a very special mention of its own, and a separate blog altogether, I would also not like to group it with the rest of the mentioned insipid and senseless movies.

Ah! the pleasure of criticisms!! I mean, coming to think of it.. there isn't much of a difference between Indian movies and Hollywood movies when it comes to being senseless! Know why? Well, while the movies in India choose to gross out the viewers by having actors like Ravi Teja, Meghana Naidu (wow.. both of them together in a movie.. would probably be the most horrifying movie ever made!! Eeeks!! am already getting nightmares!!), Himanshooo, and the likes; Hollywood has its own refined way of grossing us out with their idea of "horror".

Gone are the days when they used to make classic horrors that sent the creeps down one's spine! Exorcist, Poltergeist, Omen, The Ring, and such other movies had given me sleepless nights! (The most embarassing thing was to go to the rest room during nights by waking up others or making loud noises.. or switching every damn light in the way! Well for one, the demon would have known for sure where I was heading for, and what exactly would have been the purpose. Now that I have matured enough, I know that all I need to do to scare the shit out of it is to put on Ravi teja's movie.. and bingo, the devil is runnin' for its life! Or better still, prance around like Mithun in "Classic").

Coming back to tackling Hollywood, it has degenerated horror into psychopathic killings, gross murders, and a lot of shrieking by the females!! There are quite a lot of things that actually baffle me when I watch Hollywood movies! For instance..

Why does the killer strike in moments of intimacy? (My understanding would be that the depravation of physical proximity has made him highly caustic towards such behavior, and he is hell bent on denying anybody the pleasure of it, including the viewers for that matter!! Oh! you guyz, don't squirm.. after all there isn't anything else that is worth watching in such movies!!)
For heaven's sakes, won't someone knock some sense into the feminine species!! In majority of the movies, it is always the female leads who put the life of the entire platoon in jeopardy with their stupid tantrums, and emotions!! Well.. one can't really expect much from blondes.. can they?
And for the last time.. DO NOT GO AROUND ALONE IN A LONELY HOUSE FAR AWAY FROM CIVILIZATION CROONING LIKE A CONSTIPATED CAT!! "Helllooooo... anybody there? Here I am.. dressed in as less clothes as possible.. and walking around waiting to be hunted down.. hey you killeeeeeerrrr... where are u... come and get meeee... aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" *rolling the eyes* Well duh!!
And whenever they are walking backwards, you can always expect a shock! Most of the times, its their overly active partners, trying to joke around scaring the hell out of their girlfriends whose shrieks only end up giving us a headache!

Well, but seriously no horror can get better of the movies churned out by the good ol' "Tollywood" (hehehehe.. funny name.. ain't it?) It is hard for me to decide which is worse! Watch Raviteja in "Idiot" or walk around with a toilet paper stuck in the place-that-must-not-be-named. Well, the latter atleast can be gotten rid of instantly! But the former is like that stinking piece of sock that spreads its stench all over the house and lingers on for days to come! Am I exaggerating? I don't feel so!

Personally, when I watch a movie, I look for a wholesome entertainment! Humor is my panache! But one would certainly want to feel like an intelligent viewer and certainly would love to be treated as one! Nowww.. wait a minute.. did I just see someone pass by me.. or was it an illusion.... I see the remote is moving all by itself..... it has turned on the TV... whoz that... its Meghana Naidu.. in a Kannada movie!!!!! AAAAAAAAAahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

PS:- Surprisingly enough, Meghana Naidu has acted in a Godforsaken Kannada movie "Kattegalu saar Kattegalu" .. need I say more about the movie?!! :P

Shabari: Poem by Divine Grace

2005-11-30T07:09:00.001-06:00

The expression of one's self and its various facets takes a lot of creative outlets! Just when, poetry became one of such outlet for me, I don't know. The first poetic work of mine, (by poetic I mean, atleast in structuring, grammar and content) was when I was in my 9th Standard. It was titled "Oh! My life please come to an End". I have indeed travelled a long distance since then, and thankfully am spared with my life intact!! The inspiration to write in Kannada was also imbibed in me during my highschool days. I was very adept in writing essays in both English and Kannada, and for me poetry formed a well organized prose, albeit with lyrical/rhyming structure. Though I wrote more in English than in Kannada, I did give equal priority to both the languages. Now before this turns out to be a boring hackneyed monologue about my poetic abilities, and you all start yawning your brains out (just as I myself am doing), let me tell you about the poem that has brought me much acclaim, accolades and appreciations from all over the world!

"Shabari" is a poem written in Kannada, that describes the devotion of Shabari for her Lord Rama. The inspiration for the same came about when I had been to a dance program organized by Smt. Padma Iyengar (daughter of noted Kannada poet Pu.ti.na), thanks to Usha Aunty for making it possible for me to go. There the danseuse Smt. Bhramari Shivaprakash presented a dance ballet "Shabari-punya lahari" on the composition of Sri Sediyapu Krishnabhat. It was this performance that moved me, and inspired me to create this, which has enriched me by its sheer beauty and humbled me with its divinity. "Shabari" for me is a testimony that all talents that are vested in a human being are but gifts from the divinity that is omnipresent, to utilize the same for the enrichment of the self, and the surrounding.

When I began writing "Shabari", I had to do a lot of thinking about the presentation of the character. It had to be different than the other presentations that were done so far, be it by Valmiki, or our very own Kuvempu and Sediyapu. Each of these presented Shabari in a different context. I can analyse the same and contrast with my presentation of the character.

Valmiki Ramayana lists Shabari as an old lady in the ashram of Sage Matanga, who yearns for Lord Rama. She belonged to the family of hunters. She had been directed by the sage to wait for Rama who would be her gateway for salvation. Upon the arrival of Lord Rama, she feeds him, and eventually dies at his feet. Lord Rama performs her last rites.

Kuvempu, while remaining true to this version, nevertheless differs from it, by not letting Shabari recognize Rama in the first meeting. Shabari represents a Jivatma that is shrouded by the Maya (Illusion) had has to be lifted off by the grace of the Paramatma. And hence, she is unable to recognize Rama, till Rama introduces himself.

Sediyapu, pictures Shabari as a huntress who disgusted by the killings of her favorite animals on the eve of her wedding, abandons her family, and eventually takes shelter in the ashram of Sage Matanga. Sage Matanga before his demise instructs her to wait for Shri Rama, as he is the one she is supposed to serve, and attain salvation from. Shabari waits for years, and eventually receives Rama, feeds him, and dies at his feet.

The "Shabari" that I envisioned was all of this, and yet different from the ones pictured till now. The poem has 3 sections. The first section describes the way she yearns and waits for her Lord. Her belief in the words of Sage Matanga is so intense that she has already wasted years in preparing for the arrival of Lord Rama. Each day, she looks forward for his arrival. This yearning has taken the form of a penance, and her aatma has seasoned and time has arrived for her salvation! Lord Rama, on the pretext of searching his estranged Sita, comes to Shabari. He is completely disheveled, tired, and void of all his charm.

The second section describes in detail the meeting of Shabari and Lord Rama. Shabari is filled with motherly affection at the sight of the 2 young men at her door step, and asks them their names. Lord Rama being very humble shies to introduce himself, and hence Lakshmana with equal humility introduces his brother and himself. Shabari is filled with awe and stays rooted, till beckoned by Lord Rama. She happily embraces him, and joy fills the entire universe! Lord Rama asks her of any wish that she wants fulfilled by him. At this time, Shabari is in filled with emotional turmoil. She is unable to ward off the motherly affection that arose at the first sight of them and with the knowledge of Lord Rama's divinity her heart is filled with devotion. Lord Rama, being omniscient, realizes her state, and at first decides to appease her motherly affection. He complains of hunger, and requests her to feed him. Shabari is filled with joy, and immediately brings in a lot of fruits, and tastes each one of find out if they are sweet and fit for him to taste. Having fulfilled her maternal desires, Lord Rama asks her if she has any more wishes materialistic or divine! He is ready to bring down the riches of all worlds at her feet and give her the kingdom of heaven. Shabari declines them all, and asks him for her salvation!

The 3rd section describes the salvation of Shabari. I felt that Shabari's years of penance cannot go unrewarded, and hence made Rama show his divine form of Lord Vishnu to Shabari. She is filled with awe and bows down at his feet. Shabari dies and instantly her body is aflame! Thus ends the story of supreme devotion and its eventual liberalization from the mundane bonds.

P.S:- I'd like to express my gratitude to Prasad Naik, and S. K. Shyam, editors of www.thatskannada.com portal, who published this poem for the first time, and specially to Mr. Prasad Naik, for reporting the change in the web link.

allide nam mane... illi bande summane!

2005-11-30T07:09:00.000-06:00

The bubbles have all fizzled out, and the bottle's gone dry!

There were moments of celebrations and moments to cry!

Now its all hindsight, as the time continues to flow;

The memories nevertheless are still aglow!

Much as I wud've wanted to express my visit on the lighter vein, I have preferred to do it someother time. Let me get you all a little bit mushy, as I myself am so at this very moment! Well the trip back home was all that I expected it to be, and a lot more! The journey to, and fro was just perfect to the "T". The marriage went on well, enjoyed a lot! My sister-in-law's just good! And no marks for guessing who the center of attraction was at the wedding ;). I did lose a few pounds running around, which obviously made my mom happy! The highlights also being that I met several of my online friends! Kishan and I went out for breakfast! I feasted well on all the delicacies as much as I could. Met Pramod and Amaresh finally! gotto talk over the phone to a lot of other online friends! With that brief summary of the trip, the most important thing to write about would ofcourse be of my place!

Contrary to what a lot of them would claim, I still find it the good ol' bangalore! Yeah sure, the traffic has soared, there is an influx of people from all over the country into it, and the culture has diversified a lot, and has also begun degrading! But then, that was never Bangalore! Amidst all this onslaught, the spirit still lives on! I cannot comment on how long it will continue to do so, but I do not give up hope!

My little kid friends, still run to me the same way they used to, and still fight on who gets to sit on my lap, or ride on my stomach, while I tell them stories of 4 headed monsters and huge lions! Its still the same ol' neighbor who still continues to spoil me with her delicacies, the morning vendor of flowers, who doesn't forget to enquire about me! My troupe of friends who still fight over what restaurant to go to and ransack! The good ol' restaurants that still panic looking at us mischief makers! The taste of vidyarthi bhavan Masala dosa, of the upahaara mandir ildies and vada sambhar! The delicious chats on the footpath! Over and above all, the real people of bangalore! Their sorrows, their concerns, their joys and happiness... it is all still the same! Maybe this picture of mine is a short lived one, like my trip! Maybe I am still trying to see what good is left out of all this sudden globalization and ultra-modernization! But for sure, I know that Bangalore will survive all this, and still flourish with its inherent feel good factor! It has to!

I had wanted the trip to Bangalore to answer some questions for me, but the irony of the whole thing was that I never got any time to think! Nevertheless, I knew one thing right from the moment of leaving Bangalore the very first time to US, that was my home, my homeland, my motherland! I belong there and there shall I rest! This trip was a short one, I know there shall be one that will take me back for good to where I belong, the time is all that has to arrive.

2005-11-09T11:37:00.000-06:00

Good Afternoon.. this is the afternoon news reporting from Minnesota Airport. The time now is 11:44 AM. I am your spokesperson for the day Mr. Jhootmootwala. And now.. for the yeadlines....

Mr. Praveen Shivashankar has already left the Wichita Airport and is now at the Minnesota Airport awaiting to board the Flight to Mumbai.
Mr. Praveen Shivashankar's arrival to Bangalore has already offset a series of events and we will shortly provide a detailed report of the same.
The Arrival of Mr. Praveen Shivashankar: This forms the crux of the discussion today, between the eminent panelists, Mr. Karnekokuchkaamnahin and Mr. kelsakbaardadabbananmaga. Both of them have been acclaimed as eminent researchers of the life and works of Mr. Praveen Shivashankar!

And now.. for the news in detaiiiiilllll....

Mr. Praveen is reported to have left the Wichita Airport in the early morning at 7:45 AM. There was a huge party to commemorate his departure! There had been a huge rush of people at the airport. Reporters have confirmed this and also added that they were there to ensure that Mr Praveen did leave Wichita! Immediately as the plane left, there was a boisterous celebration and people were all rolling on the floor, and celebrating and laughing as if they had just now watched Himanshu Malik trying to do a Dilip Kumar in the movie "Devdas". Mr. Praveen, obviously was not available for comment as he was flying.
Meanwhile on the other part of the world, the arrival of Praveen has offset a series of events in Bangalore! There have been increasing reports of girls suffering from insomnia and their boyfriends suffering from high BP. The doctors have been working round the clock to develop what they call the anti-Praveenism vaccine but have been failing phenomenally! While the Meghana Naidu Fan Club have threatened to hold a protest meeting at the airport, the Himanshu Malik Fan Club has threatened to go on fasting, and have placed huge cutouts of the actor all over the airport, which incidentally has also led to a lot of panickin' among the tree dwelling beings! But oblivious to all this, Mr. Praveen was found eating(gobbling) a foot long sub at the SubWay in the airport! We refrain from showing the video as it may lead to a violent behavior on the part of the girls putting their boyfriends' lives in jeopardy.
And now.. we have Mr. Karnekokuchkaamnahin(4KN) and Mr. kelsakbaardadabbananmaga(KBDNM). Welcome to you two. *kirshkshskshsskkhasljskjaldjfalkfjakjflajflajlajfajfla;d;* Dear readers.. we apologize that due to some contradictory ideas among the two panelists.. a light skirmish had ensued and so we won't be able to show u the entire discussion. Nevertheless, we are happy to inform you the jist of the discussion. They both unanimously agreed that the well prevalent praveenism was very hard to resist and that there is no known cure for this! However, the effect of the same may be lightened if the ppl. subjected to this, are going to watch continuous reruns of the movies of Payal Rohatgi, and Meghana Naidu. This, the panel opinioned would lead to severe depression and suicidal symptoms and that in turn can be easily cured.

And now for the FLASH NEWS.. Mr. Praveen has headed towards the customs clearance and will soon start for the flight! *more girls shrieking... and hooting* With this we come to the end of today's updates. Thanks a lot of bearing with me.. and hope u have ur quota of Zandu Balm to get over the aftermath of this news, which I'd like to say is due to Praveenism itself!

Miles to go.. before I sleep!!

2005-11-06T23:10:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah! Am sleepless in Wichita!! The longing grows day by day as now the days near for my trip back home! As fate would want to have it, the dates have gotten preponed! and Am arriving a day earlier than scheduled! The counting has now boiled down to hours!! All of a sudden the mind is so nostalgic with the memories of all the wonderous, magical past! The moments to relive them again, and then probably add some newer memories into the bag is nearing.. the call of the home grows louder in the heart, as the path towards it glimmers infront of the eyes! It's a journey back home, a journey to where I belong!! Till I come back, keep your health, and stay off Meghana Naidu's movies!! So long!!

Background music playing:- .... Ghar aaja pardesi tera des bulaaye re!!

Much achoooo abt. nothing!!!!

2005-11-02T16:11:00.000-06:00

Have you ever tried to sneeze and talk at the same time?! Coming to think of it.. there isn't many things a man can really do! You know what I mean? For example, gorrillas are the only beings that can swallow while breathing! => that man cannot! Well so much for the simian ancestry! Well, you people may say, look at Bobby Deol!! Can there be a more bludgeoning evidence for the ancestry theory? I wanted second opinions.. and when I asked the simians that usually come to my house for the round branch meeting, they begged to defer!!! With a flabbergasted look on their face, as if they had just watched an entire rerun of the most famous 101 ways of defying science by Rajnikanth, they shrieked and howled and thumped vehemently denying any part in the current existence of Bobby Deol or his acting skills. Well that matter having rested, shall we now come back to the matter at stake.. Achhooooo!!!! *sniff sniff*

Well, winter bringeth with it more than its share of miseries especially for wretched souls like us! Now being fair and square I did have an option of either coming down with cold or to watch Meghana Naidu gyrate in "Rain". As sane as I was, I chose for the former! Achewwellllllsssss!!! (it kinda gets boring after a while to sneeze in the same old hackneyed style.. and so I also have been experimenting on innovative and unique ways of grossing myself out).

While people have been running away from me, as if I was Mithun da pr(d)ancing around in a red shirt and khakis from "Classic" [I mean coming to think of it.. I really wonder how people dared to go to a theatre and sit through 3 classic hours of 3rd degree torture of not only watching Mithun mouth out against sex, "hum sex ke khilaaf hain.. yada yada yada yada" on one side, while Ms Naidu and the utterly forgettable caricature of the hero make love like 2 zombies who have come down with a heavy constipation problem!], I was able to muster some time for myself to pen down something to infect all my readers! (assuming that there are some)

Now just how effectively the cold can be passed on through an online blog.. is still under research, as is also the number of ways in which one can sneeze and utter utterly unfathomable words for others to figure out! It gives me great honor to acknowledge that I am the primary researcher and also the main specimen on which these tests are being conducted!

Now.. I know I know.. that you all are considerin' yourself blessed for being able to be a witness for this phenomenal occurrance! But then, am so sorry, I gotto goshkchkllaskjkslkjkskcchooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! *sniff* *sniff*

Romance In the Air!!

2005-10-27T16:55:00.000-05:00

Well my internet at home has gone busted.. thanks to SBC Yahoo! I have a vague doubt that it has something to do with my negligence towards my books! I am tended to believe that its a conspiracy by them to make me hit the bed with my long forgotten books! And am glad, they did so! Well I won't really say that I did hit the books again! The devolution (which I want all my readers to believe is the opposite of evolution) doesn't quite happen that way. Though I did happen to read a beautiful book "Love Story" by Eric Seagel. This actually prompted me to infact list a few of my favorite romantic movies! (Well, actually! Sushma made me watch a rather romantic movie "Bridges of Madison County, and that also had a role to play in this post).

You've Got Mail :- Probably the one factor that really made me love this movie was Meg Ryan! (I'd also say Tom Hanks.. but I dont' wanna send out a wrong signal, if u know what I mean.. so let's take this granted). The witty and taut script, beautiful picturization, and a wonderful story would make any person fall in love with this movie! And the original sound track is just too good! Some of the best numbers of the yesters were relived in this movie!
Sweet November :- Apart from the story, it was the expressions and the plethora of emotions that the main protagonists - Charlize Theron, and Keanu Reeves gave out, that had me rooted down till the end of this movie! "only time" - the score by Enya has ever since remained among my favorites!
The Bridges of Madison County :- When Sushma strongly suggested this movie, I knew I was in for a roller coaster of emotions! Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep had me spell bound with their intense talks and emotions! If one wants to realize how much love can hurt, they have to watch this movie!
Amelie :- I am not a big connoiseur of foreign movies to be true! But this one movie, I'd say is a must watch! The simplicity of the characters, their idiosyncracies, makes it so believeable that it grows out to be a part of us, by the time the movie ends.
An Affair To Remember :- One of the things about classic movies, is that they in no way can be surpassed by the remakes of the later days! This is one such movie that really impressed me for its originality and story!
West Side Story:- The same goes with this one too! A musical from the start to the end, this movie is memorable for lot of reasons. The songs, the dance, the picturization, the wonderful acting, .. the list goes on! If you don't mind a musical, I surely want this to be on top of the list!
Notting Hill:- Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts created such a magic with this movie, that I have been made to watch this countless times by a lot of my friends (you know who) whenever we would go to rent movies. Being fair to the movie, it is very catchy and has some really good numbers! The songs are worth having in your collection!
Forrest Gump:- What actually qualifies a movie to be a romance for me, is kinda hard to explain. But this movie had made me think a lot about what it was to really love! The movie by itself is more of a single person's story! What touched me and made me add to the list was the one love he treasured all his life! It was hard for me to believe and yet somehow.. somewhere.. very true!

Boom-busty Bollywood!!

2005-10-27T13:25:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, there was a land called Bollywood! It was famed all around the world as one of the busiest filmland, where everyday someone or the other was doing something or the other, which did not make sense, to either them or the rest of the world! Nevertheless, sense was never a criteria and all that mattered was that someone must be doing something! Now in this melee, there were a few mutants that actually started making sense in what they were doing but they did not last long! Before long they were all forgotten and the film land again went back to being senseless and everyone lived stupidly and worthlessly ever after!!!!

It again had been a long time since I wrote anything.. and some of my friends had started sending me hate mails! They were very gory and scared me and eventually made me write out a column for all those who regularly read it (now.. I tend to do a lot of imaginations.. so don't get hung up on the numbers). Infact some of them even threatened to send me entire collections of Me-"ghana" naidu and Mallika sherawat's videos! Now before things could turn that violent and nasty, I decided to jump in and end the crisis. Now exactly what it is that scares me about the recent "bombs" that the bollywood is dropping (and the ones my readers threatened me with), is very hard to point out! (Now this, I realize is a paradox. For there is absolutely nothin' in 'em thatz hard to point out!) One thing is for sure that, what they lack in acting they more than make up in their oomphs! (am sure the maker wud have exclaimed "oops" the day he made 'em!). It takes a knack unsurpassable by anyone other than Ms. Sherawat to turn a beautiful romantic story as Eric Seagel's "Love Story" into a disaster like "Khwaish" that almost had me puking everywhere! Oh! now I hear Himan"shoo" crying.. there.. there.. don't u cry! You really had my jaws drop and eyes wide open till they dehydrated! Now, that acting which u did was really "to die for". Your acting in "Rain", especially when you dance around in the bath tub, has saved my life! I mean that thing what you did, infact sent a rabid, wildly mad and completely senseless buffoon running for cover! I owe it to you dude!!

You know, I really am all for passing a law, that should make the worst actors in the industry to be tied up to a pin cushion, with all the pins turned upwards, and play back to back all of their movies. And I am pretty sure, that they'd prefer sittin' on the pins than have their brains busted by their so called acting skills. What has me really worried is that the all pervading sense of competition among the Indians, seems to be showing out even in the movies that Bollywood is churning out! Before long, it was Ms. Sherawat who used to gimme nightmares, but then came along Ms. Meghana Naidu (I knew there was something in the name!!) and before I could swoon down into a coma, the nail in the coffin was Payal Rohatgi! I mean.. can anyone actually blame even the stone faced Jatin for showing such constipated expressions?!! There were moments, when Ms. Rohatgi was trying to seduce him with her expressive eyes! Believe me, I haven't cringed as much even while watching a horror movie! "door dus cities tak jahan bhi baccha rota hai, to baap bolta hai.. beta so jaa nahin to payal aajayegi!"

Now, what has my overly active imagination running wild as a mad dog, is the thought of casting all these madames with all those Mess(y)ieurs into one single movie! And then, we could use that to torture the most nastiest criminals into confession and even use it as a WMD (as I always say.. mass beats mass)! Or else, it would just turn out to be yet another senseless thing that everyone else in the industry is doing! Oh Well!

A ha(e)irless throne!

2005-10-20T17:36:00.000-05:00

I have come to a foregone conclusion that there is no point in worrying about something that is for-gone! Its an eventuality that one knows will happen! So why bother about it! Not to mention that bothering only brings it closer to becoming true! Wonderin' what I am yappin' about at this time? Well.. its about follicle regression in the upper cranium area of an otherwise lucrative region of my body!!! Well if am balding.. then hell.. I am gonna be sophisticated about that!!
For one thing.. I did have my moments of glory with my hair! Well you can believe or faint but if you were to look at my pic as a 6 yr old wearing a safari suit and a golden chain, you would see the prominent crown of tufts atop my head! Then the time passed... and so did the hairs!! And yeah..there were days when I used to harp on and sing about the lost treasure... E mere pyaare badan.. E mere ujde chaman.. tujhpe tel kurbaan!
My mom tried every known methods and options only to tear her hair in despair! The contrast being that her hair stuck to the roots..and mine were more than glad to take their place!! My friends did their share in contributing to this excessive recession that I was going into.. what with their piling their problems on the vacant sites that were now open! You know.. now that I think of it.. it is just that! There is something about this baldness that actually sends a signal out to people... "hey all u cry babies.. herez a sucker for ur stories! So come and weep ur hearts out on his shoulders.. (or probably his head! as if it wasn't enough that water washed it everyday!). Some said it was the genes, (darn these damn genes... they never get 'em right! Am sure they mixed things up and started sheddin' my hair.. instead of something 'else'-which I leave it to the overactive imagination of my readers to figure out.. or if u can't, u are gladly welcome to tear my hairs over it!!!)
Now balding isn't really such a big problem, if it wasn't accompanied with its loving friend called "bulging". Especially in my case, my body seems to make up with what its losing on the top, by gaining all around my girth! This logic, doesn't seem to quite work out in my favor!
Well all said and done.. the person whoever said that "Baldness establishes the masculinity of a man, but only diminishes his chances of proving it" was so darn right.. I'd shed a hair or two for those words! Oops.. here they go!

My brother's weddin'!!!

2005-10-20T15:15:00.000-05:00

Sooo... whatz keepin' me busy these days! Well.. for one its the work.. and for another its my laziness... but the most important thing is.. MY TRIP TO INDIA!!!! (*cheers, applauses.. and fans shriekin' and tearin' their hairs out!!!*) Oh! yeah.. good ol' nation.. and good ol' people.. good ol' brother now gettin' married.. in the same good ol' way! aaah! I can almost smell the whiff of the matrimonial air around me. Boy! am I excited?!! Ofcourse I am!! Now that hez gettin' married.. guess whoz the best man ;) !!! (* More cheers.. applauses.. and fans shriekin' and faintin'*) Now.. now.. pipe down y'all. I ain't gonna be free around to sign on all ur autographs.. or pose for pics with you!! But tell ya what! I'll let ya all have a glimpse of me when y'all come to the weddin' !!

Well.. am already excitedly planning my stay in bangalore.. the things am gonna do and the ppl. am gonna see! But then with hardly a fortnight's stay out there.. am already beginning to wonder if they will work out! You know.. thatz the hardest part! There is just never enough time! And especially when you are with your people, the time is one thing that just doesn't wanna root down its goddamn butt and stay put! Well.. while it wasn't still sure whether I would come for the wedding or not, I was eager to lap up atleast a week's time if available. And now that I got 2 weeks, somehow, everything seems still less! The only thing that seems to grow is the longing... for my mother's delicious dishes, her laughter.. at my *come kick-me* silly jokes, my buddies, and our hangouts.. the same good ol's...the same good ol's!

All (s)well that end (s)well !!!

2005-10-05T17:04:00.000-05:00

Wow.. what a roller coaster ride the week has been!! The Ups and Downs, the Highs and Lows, the thunders and calm... yeah.. all that jazz!! What started off with a wonderful news of me being invited as the guest speaker for the Saahitya Ranga's Saahitya Goshti at California, (not to mention that I have also been asked to read a couple of poems, and the book that has my short story in it is also being released at the same time!!), immediately fizzled out due to some skirmishes, but the near ones remained near and grew even more dearer at the end of all of it. There is something that has to be said about all these small squabbles. They do seem gigantic at the onset, but then, once they are seen in proper perspective, they seem so minute, but yet they make people come close. Once we understand what led to it, and how we can get over it, and realize how much we value the person and the relationship, I guess everything turns swell again!

In fact, isn't that the very reason, why we quarrel at the first place! It's because we treasure the person too much, and it is people who matter to us, who can hurt us! We become vulnerable to them. Don't we?

Well, as the week is drawing to an end, I am happy that trust and faith have won, and the bonds have only grown stronger. There are more of my friends who are going to turn up at the Sahitya Goshti in LA, California, and that only means more fun!!! The way I see it... Life goes on....

Just a good ol' boy!!!

2005-10-02T15:25:00.000-05:00

What would one call a person who

Is just there for someone!
Who gives the shoulder for ppl. who cry, ears for ppl. who wanna talk, care for ppl. who he cares about!
Tries to make her smile and laugh when she is troubled!
Makes her see the bright stars when all she is interested in is the towering dark midnite!
Trusts someone beyond a point of question and yet is questioned of his integrity every time!
Patiently bears with all idiosyncracies of a person, and then at the end of the day is just branded and accused?!!
A person who is shamingly honest about every aspect of his feelings, and yet is misread!
A person who craves to understand, and yet is misunderstood!
A person who only wishes to cherish the beautiful things in the world, but is treated like a criminal?!!

Would there be a name for him? Or is he just some inconsequential human meant only to be used and thrown?! He is just a good ol' boy! Someone who just stays silent... saying nothing... not getting a chance to say anything.... not a single chance!

Am just confused!!

2005-09-28T01:08:00.000-05:00

Things are all just fuzzy... I dunno what to do.. or whatever am doing whether it is right or not!! I wish somehow everything wud clear off.. I just wish... I just wish...

Clouds!!!

2005-09-22T21:17:00.000-05:00

How I Envy these Clouds!

They seem to play with such glee.

Wanton abandon bereft in their souls

Not a care in the world...

Their laughter fills the skies

Mocking at our slavery! Our binding!

The bright dazzling streaks of light...

Calling me unto their fold!

Moth like my soul rises to meet them.

Oh! What bliss to join their lovely dance!

Dried up soul, thirsty for love,

reminiscences filling every moment!

It was raining that day too! The day

When love had rained so in the fields of my heart!

The hairy black clouds, the tinkling laughter

The dazzling bright eyes, the innocent abandon,

How enchanting she looked! How playful!!

The earth so thirsty is lapping up the drops,

Oh! How blessed it is, How Lucky!

Every rainy day burns me more

The thirst lingers on... for that lovely day!

When love rained... for the same sight... the same night!!!

- Praveen !

Thatz me for y'all ladies!!!

2005-09-21T01:20:00.000-05:00

A feel good quiz by cerulean_dreams
your name is...
your eyes	are deep and mysterious
your hair	is elegant
your smile	draws others towards you
your body	is envied by many
your hugs	make others feel loved
your kiss	is enticing
your love	is never wasted

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Heck!! Who cares!! I Luv 'em!!!

2005-09-15T13:22:00.000-05:00

Am I crazy on this?!!

2005-09-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

More on Calvin n Hobbes!!

2005-09-15T13:16:00.000-05:00

Quotable Calvin n Hobbes!!

2005-09-15T11:08:00.000-05:00

I can't really conceive of any brained structure that would not love "Calvin n Hobbes" - So if any of ya so called "brained creatures" out there don't like him.. STAY OUT!! :D . One thing is for sure, I am so hooked on C & H that I could practically spend days reading him and not care a damn for the world! I sometimes feel, he makes more sense than the thousands of us put together! Anyways.. herez a compilation of some of his quotes and conversations... boy.. do I love him.. or do I love him!!

(To Moe after saying a highly complicated word) His train of thoughts is still boarding at the station. (LMAO)
Everytime I've built character, I have regretted it!
Your heart falls into your stomach & splashes your innards. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brains and you get all woozy. Your mouth disengages and you babble like cretin until she leaves. (Symptoms of Love!!!!)
Get your rear in gear, will ya?
If you can just get most people to ignore you and leave you alone, you're doing good.
I'm the end result of history. Think of it! Thousands of generations lived and died to produce my exact, scientific parents, whose reason for being, obviously, was to produce ME. All history upto this point has been has been spent preparing the world for my presence. Now I am here and history is vindicated. (Absolutely true!!!)
Ho Ho! They tried to make me learn, but I was too tough for 'em! (he speaks so much for me!!!)

Well.. thank you Bill Watterson!

For the Weekends!!!

2005-09-15T10:55:00.000-05:00

The weekdays are getting just so packed.. I gotto do a lot of my activities for the weekend.. which means..that my weekend's packed too!!! *kaN araLisi..miki miki nODing*
Anyways..herez a blue print..
1. Been a long time since I painted anything..so I guess I'll do that.
2. Gotto work on summarizing the verses of "kumaaravyaasa bhaaratha" - into hosagannaDa. Atleast till the point that the Pandavas are born.
3. Long time since I wrote a poem in hindi. So that comes up next!
4. Gotto watch "The exorcism of Emily Rose".
5. Must get updated with the forum - http://www.kannadaaudio.com/forum
6. Gotto catch up on all my friends and reply to those many emails!
All these apart that cartload of books that I need to study!! Boy! am I excited... you bet I am!!

Back to Basics!!

2005-09-15T10:38:00.000-05:00

A rather long absence from bloggin' eh? Well am back! (pipe down on all that cheers and ovations... and please take ur seats. Now, prepare for yet another monologue!) The Days are just getting busier... and off late the one thing that has often had my mind preoccupied during the times of siesta is my School Days!! Somehow, everywhere I seem to go, the memories of the school days just keep popping up in various forms... be it a movie I am watching, a song I am listening to (Dreams are nothing but the wish.. been playing for quite sometime now..and Abba too!!!).

Its a cliched term that "School days were fun" and a cliched wish that "I want my school days back". But what the heck! They are true!! The long walk to school I used to take with my friends discussing (more like chattering) various things, the long stays in front of the gate of our houses, though we knew that our parents were out there calling on to us! Our little squabbles, crushes, my first kiss (when I was in my first standard), my first crush (in 7th Standard), my first love letter (also in 7th standard), *deeeep sighs* *more deep sighs* *a broad 24,000 Watt smile*, the practical jokes I played and in turn became the butt for!! Are there things I'd wanna do over? Ofcourse I do! As they say.. falling in love all over again! The best thing is that I still do have all those friends since my childhood and pre-nursery days! Some are getting married in the coming few days! What is it like to grow up together for years?!!! Sharing our fears, our doubts, our joys and sorrows! I haven't yet realized it as yet.. but I guess its something like the same feelings I have right now. A sense of tranquility and peace, of confidence and trust, of love - for all those people who stood by me all these days.. and the ones I had stood for!

So thanks for being there.. my buddies! Love ya all!

Man-Internet Complex!

2005-09-01T02:33:00.000-05:00

I think I was in 1st PUC when my brain conceived this weird idea of Man-Internet Complex. I do not claim it to be my own! I am sure there are many who would probably have developed this very idea or even thought of it. It seemed weird to me because, I felt the occurrance and probability of the idea being true a bit far-fetched. I must admit that to a certain extent, I felt I was going nuts! Anyways, so what is this whole Man-Internet Complex, all about?!

Now before, we go to the main issue, let us briefly try to sketch some basics necessary to understand this concept. We are all aware of life forms! The way we identify a life form is by certain traits - cells, energy, homeostasis, organization, growth, and reproduction. These, we have come to agree signify the inalienable characters of a being.

Now, try to visualize a cosmic creature, the one I would like to call "Man-Internet Complex". This creature is now slowly coming to form and existence. In the eventuality of this incident, I see that the sole survivor would be this creature, and nothing else..no other forms of life! We humans sitting in front of the computer would be the cells that constitute the body! .We are going to be those minute particles that at the microscopic level strive to keep it functioning and in existence. We are connected to other such "cellular" human beings through various means of connections (very similar to the nervous system of our body) such as internet and wireless.

And what is our function?

Information exchange! there are going to be terrabytes of information being processed and exchanged every second! This information exchange ensures the survival of the complex. In other words, this signifies the most essential means of metabolism. The moment the information transfer breaks down entirely the creature is dead! And thus, homeostasis in this sense would be to ensure the transfer of information relentlessly. Thus, one can imagine what would be the cause of disease for this creature! If for some reason this information exchange stops, then the cells (ie. us) strive to rectify this! why? because our existence depends on the survival of the creature. If the creature dies, then we die along with it!

Each day new cells are being added and the creature just keeps on growing! After a certain maximum growth (when probably everyone in the world is connected..), the creature will just have to ensure its survival. The question that remains is that of reproduction. The way I see it, the creature will probably give rise of different forms of itself, which would eventually merge into its whole being! In other words, it is reviving itself, and that represents its self-reproduction.

One thing that did leave my astounded was that, even as this idea was taking its form in my mind, and I was scribbling thoughts related to it, in my journals and books, here and there, the movie MATRIX was made, almost as if in answer to my questions!

Now, my mind is more dwelling on the evident repercussions of this. What if this indeed happens! what will be its results?!!! Any thoughts?!

To Do or Not To Do!

2005-08-26T11:39:00.000-05:00

Girlssss!!! Even as I am writing this blog, my mind is in a h(m)aze! Why are they so enigmatic and mysterious?! I mean, I have spoken to so many of 'em, I still speak to so many of 'em... and yet am not able to decipher them!

Jokes apart, can one really know when to talk and when not to talk?! It becomes all the more confusing when one is chatting(on the internet ie.)! A girl wants to go, and if I say.. "ok bye", there is a quick retort accusing that I was only waiting for her to leave! Then again, I say "plz stay back for some more time".. and there again, I did wrong! Uff!! This is but just the tip of the ice berg!

The mountain beneath is even more scarier *bitin' my nails off*. And this comes to the point of actually proposing.. you know! Even confessing ones love seems such an arduous task! When do you know that it is the right time to do it? We men, seem to give out a lot of vibes and hints that we want to take the relationship to the next level! But do they? If they do.. how do we know!? And what if we misread their hints, and do propose! Gosh! the hell breaks lose! And if we don't, then we lost our opportunity! My head is all fuzzy!! Probably it is this uncertainity of online relationships that is the reason behind all this. Many of my friends call me a Joey (albeit not as dumb as him), regarding girls..! And yet, I am caught in this rigmarole!

There ought to be some easy way into the mind of a woman(girl)! The way I see it.. you know, its much easy.. if girls themselves propose! End all this quest, and they come out into the open! But then.. they are girlssss.. will they do it.. won't they do it.. will they do it.. wont' they do it....

Analysis of Mahabharatha - part 2

2005-08-26T11:05:00.000-05:00

It was really heartening to know the interest that Mahabharatha and its inherent meanings generated in many of my friends. So here comes the much awaited 2nd part of the same. In the last write-up, I had very briefly mentioned some points about various characters and some psychological insights into them.

Today being Janmaashtami, I began reading the Bhagavad Gita, and one character that really intrigued me was that of Duryodhana. Duryodhana represents the product of the animosity and vice that was vested in many Kauravas. And so great was their viciousness that even the great stalwarts like Bheeshma and Drona failed to convert him. And yet, we cannot write-off Duryodhana as being an entire novice. Let us first look at his birth!

Gandhari wanted to be the first one to give birth to a child. Though she and kunti both became pregnant at the same time, it was Kunti who bore Yudhisthira first! Overcome by jealousy, she destroyed her womb! The zygote was broken into a 101 pieces, which Shri Veda Vyasa is said to have nurtured in pots and eventually gave rise to the 100 kaurava princes and 1 princess. Thus, the factor of jealousy was instilled in him right at his birth, through his mother!

His father, Dhritaraashtra (as the name itself signifies) was very attached to the throne, and was insecure about it. Insecurity only fuels the jealousy, and to air this fire of hatred, there was the ever present Shakuni! He formed the much needed covering that was necessary to protect this fire from the counter efforts of Bheeshma/Drona/kRupa and Lord Krishna himself.

As we know, the evil succeeded in executing this plan of "self-destruction", eventually resulting in the biggest war ever fought - the Mahabharatha.

It is in this war though, that the real psychology of Duryodhana is beautifully put forth by the master writer, Maharshi Veda Vyasa. In the first canto of Bhagavad Gita, Duryodhana is seen approaching Drona and debriefing him about the armies on both sides. The surprising fact being that, it was Bheeshma who was the commander of the army! Then pray why should the prince approach another warrior and brief him about the army instead of the Commander!!!!

This belies the inherent disbelief he had in the faithfulness of the grand old man of Hastinapura! Duryodhana never believed anyone amongst his circle! He knew that even Drona for that matter was inherently with the Pandavas. Though his trust in Karna was great, Karna had vowed that he would not fight the battle as long as Bheeshma was on field! So Karna was just an appendix! Thus when Duryodhana stood arrayed in the battle, he knew that for all practical purposes, he was there all alone!

It is this realization that prompts him to say "aparyaaptam idam balam bheeshmaabhirakShitam" - this power of ours being protected by Bheeshma is inadequate! And yet he realized that the power being protected by Bheema (though Drushtadyumna was their commander in chief) was adequate to vanquish the vast army of the Kauravas - "paryaaptamtwidamEtEShaam balam bheemaabhirakShitam".

Thus one can but see that Duryodhana was well aware of the futility of this war, and yet he went ahead with it! The question being, why?! Was a person so well aware of his powers, yet so foolish enough to go to an absolutely vain war! He was sure of his defeat even before the war started! Here we see the big picture of ego! Solely it was Ego which drove Duryodhana to war. Ego rises only when a person is insecure! And Duryodhan was an epitome of insecurity, and thus he had an even huge ego! An ego that was bruised time and again! To Duryodhana, probably this war was the means to end all the inherent suffering he was undergoing! If he won, he could revel in the riches. If he lost, well it would put to end, once for all the bickerings of his mind for power!

It is such complexities that makes Duryodhana's character really worthy of studying.