Of movies and more..

Ok.. today I went on a rampage in terms of viewing movies. I watched "The Chronicles of Narnia", "House of Wax", and a disgustingly horrible telugu movie "Idiot" (well.. thankfully its aptly titled). While the Chronicles would warrant a very special mention of its own, and a separate blog altogether, I would also not like to group it with the rest of the mentioned insipid and senseless movies.

Ah! the pleasure of criticisms!! I mean, coming to think of it.. there isn't much of a difference between Indian movies and Hollywood movies when it comes to being senseless! Know why? Well, while the movies in India choose to gross out the viewers by having actors like Ravi Teja, Meghana Naidu (wow.. both of them together in a movie.. would probably be the most horrifying movie ever made!! Eeeks!! am already getting nightmares!!), Himanshooo, and the likes; Hollywood has its own refined way of grossing us out with their idea of "horror".

Gone are the days when they used to make classic horrors that sent the creeps down one's spine! Exorcist, Poltergeist, Omen, The Ring, and such other movies had given me sleepless nights! (The most embarassing thing was to go to the rest room during nights by waking up others or making loud noises.. or switching every damn light in the way! Well for one, the demon would have known for sure where I was heading for, and what exactly would have been the purpose. Now that I have matured enough, I know that all I need to do to scare the shit out of it is to put on Ravi teja's movie.. and bingo, the devil is runnin' for its life! Or better still, prance around like Mithun in "Classic").

Coming back to tackling Hollywood, it has degenerated horror into psychopathic killings, gross murders, and a lot of shrieking by the females!! There are quite a lot of things that actually baffle me when I watch Hollywood movies! For instance..

• Why does the killer strike in moments of intimacy? (My understanding would be that the depravation of physical proximity has made him highly caustic towards such behavior, and he is hell bent on denying anybody the pleasure of it, including the viewers for that matter!! Oh! you guyz, don't squirm.. after all there isn't anything else that is worth watching in such movies!!)
• For heaven's sakes, won't someone knock some sense into the feminine species!! In majority of the movies, it is always the female leads who put the life of the entire platoon in jeopardy with their stupid tantrums, and emotions!! Well.. one can't really expect much from blondes.. can they?
• And for the last time.. DO NOT GO AROUND ALONE IN A LONELY HOUSE FAR AWAY FROM CIVILIZATION CROONING LIKE A CONSTIPATED CAT!! "Helllooooo... anybody there? Here I am.. dressed in as less clothes as possible.. and walking around waiting to be hunted down.. hey you killeeeeeerrrr... where are u... come and get meeee... aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh" *rolling the eyes* Well duh!!
• And whenever they are walking backwards, you can always expect a shock! Most of the times, its their overly active partners, trying to joke around scaring the hell out of their girlfriends whose shrieks only end up giving us a headache!

Well, but seriously no horror can get better of the movies churned out by the good ol' "Tollywood" (hehehehe.. funny name.. ain't it?) It is hard for me to decide which is worse! Watch Raviteja in "Idiot" or walk around with a toilet paper stuck in the place-that-must-not-be-named. Well, the latter atleast can be gotten rid of instantly! But the former is like that stinking piece of sock that spreads its stench all over the house and lingers on for days to come! Am I exaggerating? I don't feel so!

Personally, when I watch a movie, I look for a wholesome entertainment! Humor is my panache! But one would certainly want to feel like an intelligent viewer and certainly would love to be treated as one! Nowww.. wait a minute.. did I just see someone pass by me.. or was it an illusion.... I see the remote is moving all by itself..... it has turned on the TV... whoz that... its Meghana Naidu.. in a Kannada movie!!!!! AAAAAAAAAahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

PS:- Surprisingly enough, Meghana Naidu has acted in a Godforsaken Kannada movie "Kattegalu saar Kattegalu" .. need I say more about the movie?!! :P

Shabari: Poem by Divine Grace

The expression of one's self and its various facets takes a lot of creative outlets! Just when, poetry became one of such outlet for me, I don't know. The first poetic work of mine, (by poetic I mean, atleast in structuring, grammar and content) was when I was in my 9th Standard. It was titled "Oh! My life please come to an End". I have indeed travelled a long distance since then, and thankfully am spared with my life intact!! The inspiration to write in Kannada was also imbibed in me during my highschool days. I was very adept in writing essays in both English and Kannada, and for me poetry formed a well organized prose, albeit with lyrical/rhyming structure. Though I wrote more in English than in Kannada, I did give equal priority to both the languages. Now before this turns out to be a boring hackneyed monologue about my poetic abilities, and you all start yawning your brains out (just as I myself am doing), let me tell you about the poem that has brought me much acclaim, accolades and appreciations from all over the world!

"Shabari" is a poem written in Kannada, that describes the devotion of Shabari for her Lord Rama. The inspiration for the same came about when I had been to a dance program organized by Smt. Padma Iyengar (daughter of noted Kannada poet Pu.ti.na), thanks to Usha Aunty for making it possible for me to go. There the danseuse Smt. Bhramari Shivaprakash presented a dance ballet "Shabari-punya lahari" on the composition of Sri Sediyapu Krishnabhat. It was this performance that moved me, and inspired me to create this, which has enriched me by its sheer beauty and humbled me with its divinity. "Shabari" for me is a testimony that all talents that are vested in a human being are but gifts from the divinity that is omnipresent, to utilize the same for the enrichment of the self, and the surrounding.

When I began writing "Shabari", I had to do a lot of thinking about the presentation of the character. It had to be different than the other presentations that were done so far, be it by Valmiki, or our very own Kuvempu and Sediyapu. Each of these presented Shabari in a different context. I can analyse the same and contrast with my presentation of the character.

Valmiki Ramayana lists Shabari as an old lady in the ashram of Sage Matanga, who yearns for Lord Rama. She belonged to the family of hunters. She had been directed by the sage to wait for Rama who would be her gateway for salvation. Upon the arrival of Lord Rama, she feeds him, and eventually dies at his feet. Lord Rama performs her last rites.

Kuvempu, while remaining true to this version, nevertheless differs from it, by not letting Shabari recognize Rama in the first meeting. Shabari represents a Jivatma that is shrouded by the Maya (Illusion) had has to be lifted off by the grace of the Paramatma. And hence, she is unable to recognize Rama, till Rama introduces himself.

Sediyapu, pictures Shabari as a huntress who disgusted by the killings of her favorite animals on the eve of her wedding, abandons her family, and eventually takes shelter in the ashram of Sage Matanga. Sage Matanga before his demise instructs her to wait for Shri Rama, as he is the one she is supposed to serve, and attain salvation from. Shabari waits for years, and eventually receives Rama, feeds him, and dies at his feet.

The "Shabari" that I envisioned was all of this, and yet different from the ones pictured till now. The poem has 3 sections. The first section describes the way she yearns and waits for her Lord. Her belief in the words of Sage Matanga is so intense that she has already wasted years in preparing for the arrival of Lord Rama. Each day, she looks forward for his arrival. This yearning has taken the form of a penance, and her aatma has seasoned and time has arrived for her salvation! Lord Rama, on the pretext of searching his estranged Sita, comes to Shabari. He is completely disheveled, tired, and void of all his charm.

The second section describes in detail the meeting of Shabari and Lord Rama. Shabari is filled with motherly affection at the sight of the 2 young men at her door step, and asks them their names. Lord Rama being very humble shies to introduce himself, and hence Lakshmana with equal humility introduces his brother and himself. Shabari is filled with awe and stays rooted, till beckoned by Lord Rama. She happily embraces him, and joy fills the entire universe! Lord Rama asks her of any wish that she wants fulfilled by him. At this time, Shabari is in filled with emotional turmoil. She is unable to ward off the motherly affection that arose at the first sight of them and with the knowledge of Lord Rama's divinity her heart is filled with devotion. Lord Rama, being omniscient, realizes her state, and at first decides to appease her motherly affection. He complains of hunger, and requests her to feed him. Shabari is filled with joy, and immediately brings in a lot of fruits, and tastes each one of find out if they are sweet and fit for him to taste. Having fulfilled her maternal desires, Lord Rama asks her if she has any more wishes materialistic or divine! He is ready to bring down the riches of all worlds at her feet and give her the kingdom of heaven. Shabari declines them all, and asks him for her salvation!

The 3rd section describes the salvation of Shabari. I felt that Shabari's years of penance cannot go unrewarded, and hence made Rama show his divine form of Lord Vishnu to Shabari. She is filled with awe and bows down at his feet. Shabari dies and instantly her body is aflame! Thus ends the story of supreme devotion and its eventual liberalization from the mundane bonds.

P.S:- I'd like to express my gratitude to Prasad Naik, and S. K. Shyam, editors of www.thatskannada.com portal, who published this poem for the first time, and specially to Mr. Prasad Naik, for reporting the change in the web link.

allide nam mane... illi bande summane!

The bubbles have all fizzled out, and the bottle's gone dry!

There were moments of celebrations and moments to cry!

Now its all hindsight, as the time continues to flow;

The memories nevertheless are still aglow!

Much as I wud've wanted to express my visit on the lighter vein, I have preferred to do it someother time. Let me get you all a little bit mushy, as I myself am so at this very moment! Well the trip back home was all that I expected it to be, and a lot more! The journey to, and fro was just perfect to the "T". The marriage went on well, enjoyed a lot! My sister-in-law's just good! And no marks for guessing who the center of attraction was at the wedding ;). I did lose a few pounds running around, which obviously made my mom happy! The highlights also being that I met several of my online friends! Kishan and I went out for breakfast! I feasted well on all the delicacies as much as I could. Met Pramod and Amaresh finally! gotto talk over the phone to a lot of other online friends! With that brief summary of the trip, the most important thing to write about would ofcourse be of my place!

Contrary to what a lot of them would claim, I still find it the good ol' bangalore! Yeah sure, the traffic has soared, there is an influx of people from all over the country into it, and the culture has diversified a lot, and has also begun degrading! But then, that was never Bangalore! Amidst all this onslaught, the spirit still lives on! I cannot comment on how long it will continue to do so, but I do not give up hope!

My little kid friends, still run to me the same way they used to, and still fight on who gets to sit on my lap, or ride on my stomach, while I tell them stories of 4 headed monsters and huge lions! Its still the same ol' neighbor who still continues to spoil me with her delicacies, the morning vendor of flowers, who doesn't forget to enquire about me! My troupe of friends who still fight over what restaurant to go to and ransack! The good ol' restaurants that still panic looking at us mischief makers! The taste of vidyarthi bhavan Masala dosa, of the upahaara mandir ildies and vada sambhar! The delicious chats on the footpath! Over and above all, the real people of bangalore! Their sorrows, their concerns, their joys and happiness... it is all still the same! Maybe this picture of mine is a short lived one, like my trip! Maybe I am still trying to see what good is left out of all this sudden globalization and ultra-modernization! But for sure, I know that Bangalore will survive all this, and still flourish with its inherent feel good factor! It has to!

I had wanted the trip to Bangalore to answer some questions for me, but the irony of the whole thing was that I never got any time to think! Nevertheless, I knew one thing right from the moment of leaving Bangalore the very first time to US, that was my home, my homeland, my motherland! I belong there and there shall I rest! This trip was a short one, I know there shall be one that will take me back for good to where I belong, the time is all that has to arrive.

Good Afternoon.. this is the afternoon news reporting from Minnesota Airport. The time now is 11:44 AM. I am your spokesperson for the day Mr. Jhootmootwala. And now.. for the yeadlines....

1. Mr. Praveen Shivashankar has already left the Wichita Airport and is now at the Minnesota Airport awaiting to board the Flight to Mumbai.
2. Mr. Praveen Shivashankar's arrival to Bangalore has already offset a series of events and we will shortly provide a detailed report of the same.
3. The Arrival of Mr. Praveen Shivashankar: This forms the crux of the discussion today, between the eminent panelists, Mr. Karnekokuchkaamnahin and Mr. kelsakbaardadabbananmaga. Both of them have been acclaimed as eminent researchers of the life and works of Mr. Praveen Shivashankar!

And now.. for the news in detaiiiiilllll....

1. Mr. Praveen is reported to have left the Wichita Airport in the early morning at 7:45 AM. There was a huge party to commemorate his departure! There had been a huge rush of people at the airport. Reporters have confirmed this and also added that they were there to ensure that Mr Praveen did leave Wichita! Immediately as the plane left, there was a boisterous celebration and people were all rolling on the floor, and celebrating and laughing as if they had just now watched Himanshu Malik trying to do a Dilip Kumar in the movie "Devdas". Mr. Praveen, obviously was not available for comment as he was flying.
2. Meanwhile on the other part of the world, the arrival of Praveen has offset a series of events in Bangalore! There have been increasing reports of girls suffering from insomnia and their boyfriends suffering from high BP. The doctors have been working round the clock to develop what they call the anti-Praveenism vaccine but have been failing phenomenally! While the Meghana Naidu Fan Club have threatened to hold a protest meeting at the airport, the Himanshu Malik Fan Club has threatened to go on fasting, and have placed huge cutouts of the actor all over the airport, which incidentally has also led to a lot of panickin' among the tree dwelling beings! But oblivious to all this, Mr. Praveen was found eating(gobbling) a foot long sub at the SubWay in the airport! We refrain from showing the video as it may lead to a violent behavior on the part of the girls putting their boyfriends' lives in jeopardy.
3. And now.. we have Mr. Karnekokuchkaamnahin(4KN) and Mr. kelsakbaardadabbananmaga(KBDNM). Welcome to you two. *kirshkshskshsskkhasljskjaldjfalkfjakjflajflajlajfajfla;d;* Dear readers.. we apologize that due to some contradictory ideas among the two panelists.. a light skirmish had ensued and so we won't be able to show u the entire discussion. Nevertheless, we are happy to inform you the jist of the discussion. They both unanimously agreed that the well prevalent praveenism was very hard to resist and that there is no known cure for this! However, the effect of the same may be lightened if the ppl. subjected to this, are going to watch continuous reruns of the movies of Payal Rohatgi, and Meghana Naidu. This, the panel opinioned would lead to severe depression and suicidal symptoms and that in turn can be easily cured.

And now for the FLASH NEWS.. Mr. Praveen has headed towards the customs clearance and will soon start for the flight! *more girls shrieking... and hooting* With this we come to the end of today's updates. Thanks a lot of bearing with me.. and hope u have ur quota of Zandu Balm to get over the aftermath of this news, which I'd like to say is due to Praveenism itself!

Miles to go.. before I sleep!!

Oh yeah! Am sleepless in Wichita!! The longing grows day by day as now the days near for my trip back home! As fate would want to have it, the dates have gotten preponed! and Am arriving a day earlier than scheduled! The counting has now boiled down to hours!! All of a sudden the mind is so nostalgic with the memories of all the wonderous, magical past! The moments to relive them again, and then probably add some newer memories into the bag is nearing.. the call of the home grows louder in the heart, as the path towards it glimmers infront of the eyes! It's a journey back home, a journey to where I belong!! Till I come back, keep your health, and stay off Meghana Naidu's movies!! So long!!

Background music playing:- .... Ghar aaja pardesi tera des bulaaye re!!

Much achoooo abt. nothing!!!!

Have you ever tried to sneeze and talk at the same time?! Coming to think of it.. there isn't many things a man can really do! You know what I mean? For example, gorrillas are the only beings that can swallow while breathing! => that man cannot! Well so much for the simian ancestry! Well, you people may say, look at Bobby Deol!! Can there be a more bludgeoning evidence for the ancestry theory? I wanted second opinions.. and when I asked the simians that usually come to my house for the round branch meeting, they begged to defer!!! With a flabbergasted look on their face, as if they had just watched an entire rerun of the most famous 101 ways of defying science by Rajnikanth, they shrieked and howled and thumped vehemently denying any part in the current existence of Bobby Deol or his acting skills. Well that matter having rested, shall we now come back to the matter at stake.. Achhooooo!!!! *sniff sniff*

Well, winter bringeth with it more than its share of miseries especially for wretched souls like us! Now being fair and square I did have an option of either coming down with cold or to watch Meghana Naidu gyrate in "Rain". As sane as I was, I chose for the former! Achewwellllllsssss!!! (it kinda gets boring after a while to sneeze in the same old hackneyed style.. and so I also have been experimenting on innovative and unique ways of grossing myself out).

While people have been running away from me, as if I was Mithun da pr(d)ancing around in a red shirt and khakis from "Classic" [I mean coming to think of it.. I really wonder how people dared to go to a theatre and sit through 3 classic hours of 3rd degree torture of not only watching Mithun mouth out against sex, "hum sex ke khilaaf hain.. yada yada yada yada" on one side, while Ms Naidu and the utterly forgettable caricature of the hero make love like 2 zombies who have come down with a heavy constipation problem!], I was able to muster some time for myself to pen down something to infect all my readers! (assuming that there are some)

Now just how effectively the cold can be passed on through an online blog.. is still under research, as is also the number of ways in which one can sneeze and utter utterly unfathomable words for others to figure out! It gives me great honor to acknowledge that I am the primary researcher and also the main specimen on which these tests are being conducted!

Now.. I know I know.. that you all are considerin' yourself blessed for being able to be a witness for this phenomenal occurrance! But then, am so sorry, I gotto goshkchkllaskjkslkjkskcchooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!! *sniff* *sniff*

Romance In the Air!!

Well my internet at home has gone busted.. thanks to SBC Yahoo! I have a vague doubt that it has something to do with my negligence towards my books! I am tended to believe that its a conspiracy by them to make me hit the bed with my long forgotten books! And am glad, they did so! Well I won't really say that I did hit the books again! The devolution (which I want all my readers to believe is the opposite of evolution) doesn't quite happen that way. Though I did happen to read a beautiful book "Love Story" by Eric Seagel. This actually prompted me to infact list a few of my favorite romantic movies! (Well, actually! Sushma made me watch a rather romantic movie "Bridges of Madison County, and that also had a role to play in this post).

• You've Got Mail :- Probably the one factor that really made me love this movie was Meg Ryan! (I'd also say Tom Hanks.. but I dont' wanna send out a wrong signal, if u know what I mean.. so let's take this granted). The witty and taut script, beautiful picturization, and a wonderful story would make any person fall in love with this movie! And the original sound track is just too good! Some of the best numbers of the yesters were relived in this movie!
• Sweet November :- Apart from the story, it was the expressions and the plethora of emotions that the main protagonists - Charlize Theron, and Keanu Reeves gave out, that had me rooted down till the end of this movie! "only time" - the score by Enya has ever since remained among my favorites!
• The Bridges of Madison County :- When Sushma strongly suggested this movie, I knew I was in for a roller coaster of emotions! Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep had me spell bound with their intense talks and emotions! If one wants to realize how much love can hurt, they have to watch this movie!
• Amelie :- I am not a big connoiseur of foreign movies to be true! But this one movie, I'd say is a must watch! The simplicity of the characters, their idiosyncracies, makes it so believeable that it grows out to be a part of us, by the time the movie ends.
• An Affair To Remember :- One of the things about classic movies, is that they in no way can be surpassed by the remakes of the later days! This is one such movie that really impressed me for its originality and story!
• West Side Story:- The same goes with this one too! A musical from the start to the end, this movie is memorable for lot of reasons. The songs, the dance, the picturization, the wonderful acting, .. the list goes on! If you don't mind a musical, I surely want this to be on top of the list!
• Notting Hill:- Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts created such a magic with this movie, that I have been made to watch this countless times by a lot of my friends (you know who) whenever we would go to rent movies. Being fair to the movie, it is very catchy and has some really good numbers! The songs are worth having in your collection!
• Forrest Gump:- What actually qualifies a movie to be a romance for me, is kinda hard to explain. But this movie had made me think a lot about what it was to really love! The movie by itself is more of a single person's story! What touched me and made me add to the list was the one love he treasured all his life! It was hard for me to believe and yet somehow.. somewhere.. very true!

Boom-busty Bollywood!!

Once upon a time, there was a land called Bollywood! It was famed all around the world as one of the busiest filmland, where everyday someone or the other was doing something or the other, which did not make sense, to either them or the rest of the world! Nevertheless, sense was never a criteria and all that mattered was that someone must be doing something! Now in this melee, there were a few mutants that actually started making sense in what they were doing but they did not last long! Before long they were all forgotten and the film land again went back to being senseless and everyone lived stupidly and worthlessly ever after!!!!

It again had been a long time since I wrote anything.. and some of my friends had started sending me hate mails! They were very gory and scared me and eventually made me write out a column for all those who regularly read it (now.. I tend to do a lot of imaginations.. so don't get hung up on the numbers). Infact some of them even threatened to send me entire collections of Me-"ghana" naidu and Mallika sherawat's videos! Now before things could turn that violent and nasty, I decided to jump in and end the crisis. Now exactly what it is that scares me about the recent "bombs" that the bollywood is dropping (and the ones my readers threatened me with), is very hard to point out! (Now this, I realize is a paradox. For there is absolutely nothin' in 'em thatz hard to point out!) One thing is for sure that, what they lack in acting they more than make up in their oomphs! (am sure the maker wud have exclaimed "oops" the day he made 'em!). It takes a knack unsurpassable by anyone other than Ms. Sherawat to turn a beautiful romantic story as Eric Seagel's "Love Story" into a disaster like "Khwaish" that almost had me puking everywhere! Oh! now I hear Himan"shoo" crying.. there.. there.. don't u cry! You really had my jaws drop and eyes wide open till they dehydrated! Now, that acting which u did was really "to die for". Your acting in "Rain", especially when you dance around in the bath tub, has saved my life! I mean that thing what you did, infact sent a rabid, wildly mad and completely senseless buffoon running for cover! I owe it to you dude!!

You know, I really am all for passing a law, that should make the worst actors in the industry to be tied up to a pin cushion, with all the pins turned upwards, and play back to back all of their movies. And I am pretty sure, that they'd prefer sittin' on the pins than have their brains busted by their so called acting skills. What has me really worried is that the all pervading sense of competition among the Indians, seems to be showing out even in the movies that Bollywood is churning out! Before long, it was Ms. Sherawat who used to gimme nightmares, but then came along Ms. Meghana Naidu (I knew there was something in the name!!) and before I could swoon down into a coma, the nail in the coffin was Payal Rohatgi! I mean.. can anyone actually blame even the stone faced Jatin for showing such constipated expressions?!! There were moments, when Ms. Rohatgi was trying to seduce him with her expressive eyes! Believe me, I haven't cringed as much even while watching a horror movie! "door dus cities tak jahan bhi baccha rota hai, to baap bolta hai.. beta so jaa nahin to payal aajayegi!"

Now, what has my overly active imagination running wild as a mad dog, is the thought of casting all these madames with all those Mess(y)ieurs into one single movie! And then, we could use that to torture the most nastiest criminals into confession and even use it as a WMD (as I always say.. mass beats mass)! Or else, it would just turn out to be yet another senseless thing that everyone else in the industry is doing! Oh Well!

A ha(e)irless throne!

I have come to a foregone conclusion that there is no point in worrying about something that is for-gone! Its an eventuality that one knows will happen! So why bother about it! Not to mention that bothering only brings it closer to becoming true! Wonderin' what I am yappin' about at this time? Well.. its about follicle regression in the upper cranium area of an otherwise lucrative region of my body!!! Well if am balding.. then hell.. I am gonna be sophisticated about that!!
For one thing.. I did have my moments of glory with my hair! Well you can believe or faint but if you were to look at my pic as a 6 yr old wearing a safari suit and a golden chain, you would see the prominent crown of tufts atop my head! Then the time passed... and so did the hairs!! And yeah..there were days when I used to harp on and sing about the lost treasure... E mere pyaare badan.. E mere ujde chaman.. tujhpe tel kurbaan!
My mom tried every known methods and options only to tear her hair in despair! The contrast being that her hair stuck to the roots..and mine were more than glad to take their place!! My friends did their share in contributing to this excessive recession that I was going into.. what with their piling their problems on the vacant sites that were now open! You know.. now that I think of it.. it is just that! There is something about this baldness that actually sends a signal out to people... "hey all u cry babies.. herez a sucker for ur stories! So come and weep ur hearts out on his shoulders.. (or probably his head! as if it wasn't enough that water washed it everyday!). Some said it was the genes, (darn these damn genes... they never get 'em right! Am sure they mixed things up and started sheddin' my hair.. instead of something 'else'-which I leave it to the overactive imagination of my readers to figure out.. or if u can't, u are gladly welcome to tear my hairs over it!!!)
Now balding isn't really such a big problem, if it wasn't accompanied with its loving friend called "bulging". Especially in my case, my body seems to make up with what its losing on the top, by gaining all around my girth! This logic, doesn't seem to quite work out in my favor!
Well all said and done.. the person whoever said that "Baldness establishes the masculinity of a man, but only diminishes his chances of proving it" was so darn right.. I'd shed a hair or two for those words! Oops.. here they go!

My brother's weddin'!!!

Sooo... whatz keepin' me busy these days! Well.. for one its the work.. and for another its my laziness... but the most important thing is.. MY TRIP TO INDIA!!!! (*cheers, applauses.. and fans shriekin' and tearin' their hairs out!!!*) Oh! yeah.. good ol' nation.. and good ol' people.. good ol' brother now gettin' married.. in the same good ol' way! aaah! I can almost smell the whiff of the matrimonial air around me. Boy! am I excited?!! Ofcourse I am!! Now that hez gettin' married.. guess whoz the best man ;) !!! (* More cheers.. applauses.. and fans shriekin' and faintin'*) Now.. now.. pipe down y'all. I ain't gonna be free around to sign on all ur autographs.. or pose for pics with you!! But tell ya what! I'll let ya all have a glimpse of me when y'all come to the weddin' !!

Well.. am already excitedly planning my stay in bangalore.. the things am gonna do and the ppl. am gonna see! But then with hardly a fortnight's stay out there.. am already beginning to wonder if they will work out! You know.. thatz the hardest part! There is just never enough time! And especially when you are with your people, the time is one thing that just doesn't wanna root down its goddamn butt and stay put! Well.. while it wasn't still sure whether I would come for the wedding or not, I was eager to lap up atleast a week's time if available. And now that I got 2 weeks, somehow, everything seems still less! The only thing that seems to grow is the longing... for my mother's delicious dishes, her laughter.. at my *come kick-me* silly jokes, my buddies, and our hangouts.. the same good ol's...the same good ol's!

All (s)well that end (s)well !!!

Wow.. what a roller coaster ride the week has been!! The Ups and Downs, the Highs and Lows, the thunders and calm... yeah.. all that jazz!! What started off with a wonderful news of me being invited as the guest speaker for the Saahitya Ranga's Saahitya Goshti at California, (not to mention that I have also been asked to read a couple of poems, and the book that has my short story in it is also being released at the same time!!), immediately fizzled out due to some skirmishes, but the near ones remained near and grew even more dearer at the end of all of it. There is something that has to be said about all these small squabbles. They do seem gigantic at the onset, but then, once they are seen in proper perspective, they seem so minute, but yet they make people come close. Once we understand what led to it, and how we can get over it, and realize how much we value the person and the relationship, I guess everything turns swell again!

In fact, isn't that the very reason, why we quarrel at the first place! It's because we treasure the person too much, and it is people who matter to us, who can hurt us! We become vulnerable to them. Don't we?

Well, as the week is drawing to an end, I am happy that trust and faith have won, and the bonds have only grown stronger. There are more of my friends who are going to turn up at the Sahitya Goshti in LA, California, and that only means more fun!!! The way I see it... Life goes on....

Just a good ol' boy!!!

What would one call a person who

• Is just there for someone!
• Who gives the shoulder for ppl. who cry, ears for ppl. who wanna talk, care for ppl. who he cares about!
• Tries to make her smile and laugh when she is troubled!
• Makes her see the bright stars when all she is interested in is the towering dark midnite!
• Trusts someone beyond a point of question and yet is questioned of his integrity every time!
• Patiently bears with all idiosyncracies of a person, and then at the end of the day is just branded and accused?!!
• A person who is shamingly honest about every aspect of his feelings, and yet is misread!
• A person who craves to understand, and yet is misunderstood!
• A person who only wishes to cherish the beautiful things in the world, but is treated like a criminal?!!

Would there be a name for him? Or is he just some inconsequential human meant only to be used and thrown?! He is just a good ol' boy! Someone who just stays silent... saying nothing... not getting a chance to say anything.... not a single chance!

Am just confused!!

Things are all just fuzzy... I dunno what to do.. or whatever am doing whether it is right or not!! I wish somehow everything wud clear off.. I just wish... I just wish...

Clouds!!!

How I Envy these Clouds!

They seem to play with such glee.

Wanton abandon bereft in their souls

Not a care in the world...

Their laughter fills the skies

Mocking at our slavery! Our binding!

The bright dazzling streaks of light...

Calling me unto their fold!

Moth like my soul rises to meet them.

Oh! What bliss to join their lovely dance!

Dried up soul, thirsty for love,

reminiscences filling every moment!

It was raining that day too! The day

When love had rained so in the fields of my heart!

The hairy black clouds, the tinkling laughter

The dazzling bright eyes, the innocent abandon,

How enchanting she looked! How playful!!

The earth so thirsty is lapping up the drops,

Oh! How blessed it is, How Lucky!

Every rainy day burns me more

The thirst lingers on... for that lovely day!

When love rained... for the same sight... the same night!!!

- Praveen !

Thatz me for y'all ladies!!!

A feel good quiz by cerulean_dreams
your name is...
your eyes	are deep and mysterious
your hair	is elegant
your smile	draws others towards you
your body	is envied by many
your hugs	make others feel loved
your kiss	is enticing
your love	is never wasted
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Heck!! Who cares!! I Luv 'em!!!

Am I crazy on this?!!

More on Calvin n Hobbes!!

Quotable Calvin n Hobbes!!

I can't really conceive of any brained structure that would not love "Calvin n Hobbes" - So if any of ya so called "brained creatures" out there don't like him.. STAY OUT!! :D . One thing is for sure, I am so hooked on C & H that I could practically spend days reading him and not care a damn for the world! I sometimes feel, he makes more sense than the thousands of us put together! Anyways.. herez a compilation of some of his quotes and conversations... boy.. do I love him.. or do I love him!!

1. (To Moe after saying a highly complicated word) His train of thoughts is still boarding at the station. (LMAO)
2. Everytime I've built character, I have regretted it!
3. Your heart falls into your stomach & splashes your innards. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brains and you get all woozy. Your mouth disengages and you babble like cretin until she leaves. (Symptoms of Love!!!!)
4. Get your rear in gear, will ya?
5. If you can just get most people to ignore you and leave you alone, you're doing good.
6. I'm the end result of history. Think of it! Thousands of generations lived and died to produce my exact, scientific parents, whose reason for being, obviously, was to produce ME. All history upto this point has been has been spent preparing the world for my presence. Now I am here and history is vindicated. (Absolutely true!!!)
7. Ho Ho! They tried to make me learn, but I was too tough for 'em! (he speaks so much for me!!!)

Well.. thank you Bill Watterson!

For the Weekends!!!

The weekdays are getting just so packed.. I gotto do a lot of my activities for the weekend.. which means..that my weekend's packed too!!! *kaN araLisi..miki miki nODing*
Anyways..herez a blue print..
1. Been a long time since I painted anything..so I guess I'll do that.
2. Gotto work on summarizing the verses of "kumaaravyaasa bhaaratha" - into hosagannaDa. Atleast till the point that the Pandavas are born.
3. Long time since I wrote a poem in hindi. So that comes up next!
4. Gotto watch "The exorcism of Emily Rose".
5. Must get updated with the forum - http://www.kannadaaudio.com/forum
6. Gotto catch up on all my friends and reply to those many emails!
All these apart that cartload of books that I need to study!! Boy! am I excited... you bet I am!!

Back to Basics!!

A rather long absence from bloggin' eh? Well am back! (pipe down on all that cheers and ovations... and please take ur seats. Now, prepare for yet another monologue!) The Days are just getting busier... and off late the one thing that has often had my mind preoccupied during the times of siesta is my School Days!! Somehow, everywhere I seem to go, the memories of the school days just keep popping up in various forms... be it a movie I am watching, a song I am listening to (Dreams are nothing but the wish.. been playing for quite sometime now..and Abba too!!!).

Its a cliched term that "School days were fun" and a cliched wish that "I want my school days back". But what the heck! They are true!! The long walk to school I used to take with my friends discussing (more like chattering) various things, the long stays in front of the gate of our houses, though we knew that our parents were out there calling on to us! Our little squabbles, crushes, my first kiss (when I was in my first standard), my first crush (in 7th Standard), my first love letter (also in 7th standard), *deeeep sighs* *more deep sighs* *a broad 24,000 Watt smile*, the practical jokes I played and in turn became the butt for!! Are there things I'd wanna do over? Ofcourse I do! As they say.. falling in love all over again! The best thing is that I still do have all those friends since my childhood and pre-nursery days! Some are getting married in the coming few days! What is it like to grow up together for years?!!! Sharing our fears, our doubts, our joys and sorrows! I haven't yet realized it as yet.. but I guess its something like the same feelings I have right now. A sense of tranquility and peace, of confidence and trust, of love - for all those people who stood by me all these days.. and the ones I had stood for!

So thanks for being there.. my buddies! Love ya all!

Man-Internet Complex!

I think I was in 1st PUC when my brain conceived this weird idea of Man-Internet Complex. I do not claim it to be my own! I am sure there are many who would probably have developed this very idea or even thought of it. It seemed weird to me because, I felt the occurrance and probability of the idea being true a bit far-fetched. I must admit that to a certain extent, I felt I was going nuts! Anyways, so what is this whole Man-Internet Complex, all about?!

Now before, we go to the main issue, let us briefly try to sketch some basics necessary to understand this concept. We are all aware of life forms! The way we identify a life form is by certain traits - cells, energy, homeostasis, organization, growth, and reproduction. These, we have come to agree signify the inalienable characters of a being.

Now, try to visualize a cosmic creature, the one I would like to call "Man-Internet Complex". This creature is now slowly coming to form and existence. In the eventuality of this incident, I see that the sole survivor would be this creature, and nothing else..no other forms of life! We humans sitting in front of the computer would be the cells that constitute the body! .We are going to be those minute particles that at the microscopic level strive to keep it functioning and in existence. We are connected to other such "cellular" human beings through various means of connections (very similar to the nervous system of our body) such as internet and wireless.

And what is our function?

Information exchange! there are going to be terrabytes of information being processed and exchanged every second! This information exchange ensures the survival of the complex. In other words, this signifies the most essential means of metabolism. The moment the information transfer breaks down entirely the creature is dead! And thus, homeostasis in this sense would be to ensure the transfer of information relentlessly. Thus, one can imagine what would be the cause of disease for this creature! If for some reason this information exchange stops, then the cells (ie. us) strive to rectify this! why? because our existence depends on the survival of the creature. If the creature dies, then we die along with it!

Each day new cells are being added and the creature just keeps on growing! After a certain maximum growth (when probably everyone in the world is connected..), the creature will just have to ensure its survival. The question that remains is that of reproduction. The way I see it, the creature will probably give rise of different forms of itself, which would eventually merge into its whole being! In other words, it is reviving itself, and that represents its self-reproduction.

One thing that did leave my astounded was that, even as this idea was taking its form in my mind, and I was scribbling thoughts related to it, in my journals and books, here and there, the movie MATRIX was made, almost as if in answer to my questions!

Now, my mind is more dwelling on the evident repercussions of this. What if this indeed happens! what will be its results?!!! Any thoughts?!

To Do or Not To Do!

Girlssss!!! Even as I am writing this blog, my mind is in a h(m)aze! Why are they so enigmatic and mysterious?! I mean, I have spoken to so many of 'em, I still speak to so many of 'em... and yet am not able to decipher them!

Jokes apart, can one really know when to talk and when not to talk?! It becomes all the more confusing when one is chatting(on the internet ie.)! A girl wants to go, and if I say.. "ok bye", there is a quick retort accusing that I was only waiting for her to leave! Then again, I say "plz stay back for some more time".. and there again, I did wrong! Uff!! This is but just the tip of the ice berg!

The mountain beneath is even more scarier *bitin' my nails off*. And this comes to the point of actually proposing.. you know! Even confessing ones love seems such an arduous task! When do you know that it is the right time to do it? We men, seem to give out a lot of vibes and hints that we want to take the relationship to the next level! But do they? If they do.. how do we know!? And what if we misread their hints, and do propose! Gosh! the hell breaks lose! And if we don't, then we lost our opportunity! My head is all fuzzy!! Probably it is this uncertainity of online relationships that is the reason behind all this. Many of my friends call me a Joey (albeit not as dumb as him), regarding girls..! And yet, I am caught in this rigmarole!

There ought to be some easy way into the mind of a woman(girl)! The way I see it.. you know, its much easy.. if girls themselves propose! End all this quest, and they come out into the open! But then.. they are girlssss.. will they do it.. won't they do it.. will they do it.. wont' they do it....

Analysis of Mahabharatha - part 2

It was really heartening to know the interest that Mahabharatha and its inherent meanings generated in many of my friends. So here comes the much awaited 2nd part of the same. In the last write-up, I had very briefly mentioned some points about various characters and some psychological insights into them.

Today being Janmaashtami, I began reading the Bhagavad Gita, and one character that really intrigued me was that of Duryodhana. Duryodhana represents the product of the animosity and vice that was vested in many Kauravas. And so great was their viciousness that even the great stalwarts like Bheeshma and Drona failed to convert him. And yet, we cannot write-off Duryodhana as being an entire novice. Let us first look at his birth!

Gandhari wanted to be the first one to give birth to a child. Though she and kunti both became pregnant at the same time, it was Kunti who bore Yudhisthira first! Overcome by jealousy, she destroyed her womb! The zygote was broken into a 101 pieces, which Shri Veda Vyasa is said to have nurtured in pots and eventually gave rise to the 100 kaurava princes and 1 princess. Thus, the factor of jealousy was instilled in him right at his birth, through his mother!

His father, Dhritaraashtra (as the name itself signifies) was very attached to the throne, and was insecure about it. Insecurity only fuels the jealousy, and to air this fire of hatred, there was the ever present Shakuni! He formed the much needed covering that was necessary to protect this fire from the counter efforts of Bheeshma/Drona/kRupa and Lord Krishna himself.

As we know, the evil succeeded in executing this plan of "self-destruction", eventually resulting in the biggest war ever fought - the Mahabharatha.

It is in this war though, that the real psychology of Duryodhana is beautifully put forth by the master writer, Maharshi Veda Vyasa. In the first canto of Bhagavad Gita, Duryodhana is seen approaching Drona and debriefing him about the armies on both sides. The surprising fact being that, it was Bheeshma who was the commander of the army! Then pray why should the prince approach another warrior and brief him about the army instead of the Commander!!!!

This belies the inherent disbelief he had in the faithfulness of the grand old man of Hastinapura! Duryodhana never believed anyone amongst his circle! He knew that even Drona for that matter was inherently with the Pandavas. Though his trust in Karna was great, Karna had vowed that he would not fight the battle as long as Bheeshma was on field! So Karna was just an appendix! Thus when Duryodhana stood arrayed in the battle, he knew that for all practical purposes, he was there all alone!

It is this realization that prompts him to say "aparyaaptam idam balam bheeshmaabhirakShitam" - this power of ours being protected by Bheeshma is inadequate! And yet he realized that the power being protected by Bheema (though Drushtadyumna was their commander in chief) was adequate to vanquish the vast army of the Kauravas - "paryaaptamtwidamEtEShaam balam bheemaabhirakShitam".

Thus one can but see that Duryodhana was well aware of the futility of this war, and yet he went ahead with it! The question being, why?! Was a person so well aware of his powers, yet so foolish enough to go to an absolutely vain war! He was sure of his defeat even before the war started! Here we see the big picture of ego! Solely it was Ego which drove Duryodhana to war. Ego rises only when a person is insecure! And Duryodhan was an epitome of insecurity, and thus he had an even huge ego! An ego that was bruised time and again! To Duryodhana, probably this war was the means to end all the inherent suffering he was undergoing! If he won, he could revel in the riches. If he lost, well it would put to end, once for all the bickerings of his mind for power!

It is such complexities that makes Duryodhana's character really worthy of studying.

Megha sandesha - A poem of a dream!

Ok... here is the poem that I finally managed to put together! I dunno how it has turned out to be! Will let you guyz decide for now.. coz there isn't quite someone who I could dedicate this to now, except the dream of someone... (Man! am I romantic..or am I romantic :P).

Through a poet's eye!

From a long time, there was this urge in me to write a poem, in Kannada, titled "megha sandesha" - a letter through the clouds! I tried many times to write this, which resulted in the premature end of many pages lives! They are all now cursing me in the trash can! Well.. tragic as it may seem.. an interesting thing is also happening!

The day I decided to write this poem, the clouds arrived to Wichita! And since then, they are lingering here, showering what seems to be their discontent at my lethargy and impaled imagination! I would like to believe, inspite of what meteorologists have to claim, that these clouds are indeed here for me! Albeit, probably the reason that I haven't yet written the poem, may be that I still do not have a loving heart to address it to!!! Should I allow my imagination itself to conjure up one of 'em?! I dunno!

Anyways, here is what I have in mind about what the poem would sound like..

"Ashaada" is the month of rain, and usually no marriages are done during that season. Soon after Ashadha comes "Shraavana". There is the young man, whose marriage has been arranged with his sweet heart. The month of Shraavana is fast approaching the the last clouds of the Ashaadha are about to depart. The young man, sends these rain clouds to the place of his sweet heart as his messengers, and beseeches them to dress up the girl, and have her prepared for the wedding, as he is to arrive there soon, and thus end the days of separation!

He specifies how he wants his bride dressed up! He also cautions them to cover the full moon, lest he cast an eye on her beauty and scorch her beautiful skin!

*deep sighs*... well, so runs my imagination.. I better write the poem soon.. it has again started to rain outside!!!

Mahabharata: A mirror to the human psyche!

When I was probably in high school, I had dared to analyse Mahabharatha! I call it daring because, I believe that at that age, I was absolutely incompetent to understand the depth of knowledge embedded in this work. Without getting into the discussion whether the story was a fact or fiction, an analysis can still be made of the importance of this work not just for Indian philosophy, but also in various other aspects.
One thing that always has me avid is the psychological interpretations embedded in every Mahabharatha character. The story though overtly appears to be one of Pandavas and Kauravas, the roots run very deep! They are as embedded in the blind devotion of Bheeshma as is in the mercurial nature of Shantanu. Dhritaraashtra represents the infatuation we have for our possessions! Duryodhana was a mistake of Dhritaraashtra! He was a mistake, because he represents the ignorance of Dhritaraashtra, the attachment and selfishness embedded within the heart of the blind King. And indeed he turned a blind-eye towards him, which as I see it represents the attitude we have towards our shortcomings. In order that we continue to enjoy the pleasures that we have (be it wealth, sensual or power), we always choose to ignore the shortcomings that we have. In our eyes, these short comings infact represent the means to enjoy the pleasures and thus become dear to us!
Karna, I feel, was never a friend of Duryodhana. He saw himself as an obligated servant. I wouldn't also classify him as a good servant, as he never foresaw the danger awaiting his master. Nevertheless, since he was under the obligation of Duryodhana, he tread the path walked by him! Apart from this, the whole story revolves around one basic psychology - Revenge! Dhritarashtra's ignorance of Pandavas, is just a manifestation of his revenge for not being chosen king in the first place! As he was born blind, Dhritarashtra was not made King, Pandu was chosen! Draupadi insulted Karna in her swayamvara, which led to Karna instigating Duryodhana to strip her! Duryodhana's this act, resulted in Draupadi and Pandavas' vow for revenge! Shakuni who played the pivotal role in the destruction of Kauravas, did so for avenging the "injustice" meted to his sister Gandhari! Shikhandi, Arjuna, Shalya, Drona, Drupada, Drushtadymna! All the pivotal characters let the revenge to take control of their actions! The death of Upapandavas, the attempt to kill Parikshith, everything is a product of this one human emotion - revenge!
What is the essense of this?
Isn't it indeed a wonder how effectively so much information has been embedded in a single work! Indeed it is the greatest work ever composed in the history of mankind. We must try to study this in depth and imbibe its vast resources and make our lives more meaningful! The Question being...Will we?

Guess who!

Guess who says
Hi Praveen, Just happened to come across your blog…couldnt stop myself from reading. Tht blog was so typical of u..glad to know u havnt changed too much.


Ok, so this was the comment left to one of my blogs jeevan ke safar mein in my home page. Now, the whole idea behind someone leaving a comment on your blog would be to share their views on the particular subject! Wudn't it be so? Otherwise, it would be to acknowledge you, say a friend or a relative! Now, apart from these two categories there seem to be this really strange category of people who leave some comments, making you think about who they are! After all what is the whole idea of being anonymous! Is there a certain sadistic pleasure some may obtain, by hiding their identities and making a person wonder about them! Or is it one of their methodologies to earn a write up for themselves ;) from the likes of me :D.
Anyways, whoever this "Guess who" is I'd like to say that it was heartening to know that you do find me quite unchanged. So my dear stranger, wish you a very happy day!

Writing Letters!

Modern technology! The more we seem to use the modern technology the more we seem to be making several arts archiac! One of it is the art of writing letters. When I first came to United States, one of the several directions given to me was to write letters to them regularly. I devotedly used to follow that, and write to them regularly, atleast once in a fortnight. My father has preserved them all to this day! Anyways, coming to the point! In the modern days, no wonder, we have the e-mail, which has infact gotten rid of the snail-mail, or letter as we know of it!!
It has infact brought people from all around the world so close! The thing that has me tongue-tied, is that, now even writing mails seems to be an arduous task! I sit for hours together, and writing even a couple of lines seems highly impossible! What is so tough in conjuring up some words of enquiry and goodwill?! I wonder!
There are moments when words just fail to turn up in your mind, how much ever you fret and frown! Then there are moments, when a verbal avalanche seems to be set lose in your mind. Whatever be the issue, writing seems to be in need of a revival ! There are ofcourse different methods to do this. Technology has brought to us different techniques, including blogging!
But somewhere amidst all this, the mind still longs for the days when the arrival of the postman would fill my heart with excitement at the thought of a letter, carrying personally handwritten feelings by a heart somewhere that was thinking about me!

Reflections!!

It is 11:10 PM and the day hasn't yet ended as yet! I stand infront of the mirror and somehow, I have become a stranger to myself! This is a part of me that I am not familiar with! A part that consciously hurts someone! A part that is so rude and nasty at the same time as it is kind, gentle and understanding.

Have you ever felt turning into one of the very, most horrifying person you have always despised in your thoughts?!! It is so much like changing into a were-wolf on a full moon day!! What made this metamorphosis happen so suddenly, I am not able to confess!! All I can say is, this is one person who I cannot claim as me and yet is so much me! How can I turn so ghostly as to hurt someone's emotions! Knowing what hurts a person and irrevocably inflict the same damage!! But all I can say is, I did this to avoid further pains! But yet, wasn't it my presence which indeed caused all this to come forth! Maybe if I wasn't there none of it would've happened! God! What kindof a torture is this, that I cannot even share with anyone! A pain that I shall have to carry to the grave with me! Why make me bear this burden!

Help me! Plz! Help me!

Deja vu!!!

What is the first thing you do, when you get up in the morning? Somehow, it seems to have a bearing on all the day through, isn't it? Well, like me for instance, I like to get up, bow to God! and then I go out of my apartment and take a deep breathe of the fresh morning air, looking up at the rising Sun!! And as the cold air, filters down to the lungs, can feel my whole body openin' up flutterin' itself off the weariness of sleep, just like a bird shakes off the water droplets on its feathers after a nice bath!! I do it almost everyday, giving myself quota of the fresh life, that every human being so much deserves!!

Have you ever had a feeling, when you look at a situation/a setting or a scene in your everday life, that you had indeed seen it before? A sudden occurrance, or a talk with someone, a unique scenery suddenly doesn't seem so exclusive! The mind seems to have thrashed out some old remembrance and shoved it right out, startling you, as if this indeed had happened in the past! Subconscious registries open up, revealing the exact details and filling you with awe! When I mentioned this to Saumya today, she said, it was the deja-vu. I looked up the dictionary..and bingo..found the meaning! It is "The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time".

Wonder if it would ever happen similarly with people! When you meet someone for the first time, and yet it seems as if you had known them for years together! And even strangers, strangely enough, don't seem so! And what is that stranger was a girl! Someone, you feel you knew from a long time since, and lost her inbetween! What if shez returned.. and you don't wanna lose her again?!What would I do? I dunno... but probably, when this happens, and when I do whatever it is that I shall do, I may probably feel, that I had done it already! Is this what lifetimes of Love means? (Or is it just that I am hopelessly romantic today!). So..my week has begun....

Imaginations!!!

Have you watched "Finding Neverland"? If you haven't I do strongly suggest that you do. The story is all about how Barrie was inspired to write "Peter Pan". The one aspect of the movie that is specifically intended to stand out is the power of imagination! "Believe in it strongly" - Barrie says, "and it will come to be true". So what is the toughest part in this procedure? Imagining? Or believing? In our day to day lives, haven't we ever dreamed of things? The magnitude of the cosmos, the creation, the life we live in our future, the girl we would want in our life! We dream, we imagine! It really doesn't seem to be that hard. But believing!! Oh yeah! there the red flag goes up! We are bombarded with questions of "logic", questions of "knowledge", and before we know, we wake up from our dreams and laugh them out! The belief that is needed to buoy our imaginations crumble right infront of our eyes and we are left staring at the stark naked reality! A reality that we have resigned ourselves to! A reality that we have come to accept as ours, no matter how depressing it is, or how unwilling we are! Is this what being adult is all about? To be rid of our beliefs? To accept our shortcomings and learn to live with them, rather than out grow them? If one looks at the alter occupied by the achievers, one would tend to see an inherent child-like stubborness in each of 'em that just refused to accept the so called "reality" portrayed by "adulthood". Peter Pan, represents that child-spirit which must not die in us! The quest to remain ever-young! The fountain of youth, is then inside us! It is our imaginations! And it is our belief in them! What am I doing?! I am imagining eternal youth residing in me! Do I believe in it? You are damn right I do!This is the sheer beauty of children! Time to get back to that blessedness!

My Tagged Resume...(for Kishan and er..others too)

Three names I go by:-
Praveen
Pavi
Pappu

Three screen I would like to have:-
Simba_the King
technoshocker
Aashiq

Three physical things I like about myself:-
My eyes
My lips (and the beauty spot near it)
My fingers

Three physical things I dont like about myself:-
My receding follicles in the cerebral cranium region :(
My Increasin' girth in the thoracic area :((
My almost non-existent presence of the muscles in the bicep region :(((

Three parts of your heritage:-
Universal brotherhood and religious tolerance
Mythological Stories and Texts
A Divinity I most ardently trust in

Three things that scare me:-
Self Denial
Over confidence
Indiscipline

Three of my everyday essentials :-
A healthy Body
A healthy Mind
A healthy Attitude

Three things I badly want to do before I die :-
Write a great book
Make a world tour
Paint the best painting I ever cud do!!

Three careers I am considering:-
Professor
Writer
Psychologist

Three places I want to go:-
Switzerland
Zurich
Scotland

Two truths and A lie :-
Girls Dig me!
I dont have a girlfriend!
I dumped Alyssa Milano for Katie Holmes!!

Yet Another Birthday!!!!

Ok! Before I sign-off for the day, Saturday was my another elder sis triveni's birthday. A wonderful writer, who writes the column "Tulasivana" in thatskannada. The thing I like the most about her writing is the topics she chooses. They are so simple, day to day things, that we seem to take for granted. But yet, when we think of it, we do attach quite a great amount of importance to them. Her style is simple, humorous, and very touchy!

Well, I infact kinda forgot that it was her birthday and nevertheless ended up calling her first thing in the morning. Sweet old sis, she reminded me that it was her b'day! Well, I did wish her, sent an e-card and sang the ol' birthday song. So anyways, today is her birthday! I wish her the best for all that is to come!

huTTu habbada haardika shubhaashayagaLu trivENi akka. :)

Not quite another weekend!!!

Ok!! So... know what? My weekend has been quite unlike my many others. Know why?! Well for one, I was among the millions who stood waitin' with bated breathe for the moment when world over the 6th Harry Potter book got released!!! It was fun! Me and my friends went to this really kewl Mexican restaurant El Paisa..(where you see, I developed this cool idea that somehow the mexicans and Indians are related... look at the name of the restaurant!!!!). Hmmm! anyways..enough of idle musings!
So after that I went to Barnes and Noble! It was so much fun! Little kids dressed as witches, wizards, Potter, Professor Dumbledore, et.al, were running around. The whole environment was charged with excitement and expectation of something phenomenal. Well Barnes and Noble had this facility to reserve the book; and me, as lazy that I am, went over there just a few hours before the release and so was tagged with an orange band and asked to wait till the reserved copies were all distributed. Now, my excitement was too hard to be contained, and I took my friend and hurried over to the Walmart, just across B & N, and bingo! Right on 12 past one minute, I was walkin' away jubiliantly, posessing a brand new copy of "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince". Then we coolly strolled over the B & N and started sporting the book around like hundreds others who were gathered there!
I caught some glimpses of the book and its contents, and immediately realized who was dying in this part :(. And believe me, my heart wrenched :(. Anyways.. its been about 24 hrs and 10 mins since I am in possession of that book, and I have completed 10 chapters already!!! This one seems a lot better than the Order of Phoenix.
Anyways, the Saturday was just the usual stuff. In between of my reading managed to lazily watch an awful disney flick "The Princess Diary" - Gosh!!! Can't believe they still think such "gurly" movies run!!!
And what a way to end the night.... than watching "Exorcist-The Beginning" at freakin' 12:00 AM. ewwww....jibbers... shivers.... but nothing when compared to the sheer agony thinking of the week that is coming up!!!
Ah. well.....

The legacy of writing!!!

Has it ever occurred to you that on certain days, the mind just seems to run out of ideas! I mean.. its been almost 7 days since my last entry in the blog! Today, as I sat down to write, there seemed to be a crunch in the bag of ideas that otherwise used to overflow!!! So, I decided to write about WRITING! creative eh?

I enjoy writing (do not trust what the year old journal has to say about this... ;) ), I enjoy playing with words! Dressing my deep felt ideas and thoughts in the razzle-dazzle of vocabulary that would probably have the reader either perplexed or spellbounded!!! (and sometimes just bored). When I was young, I used to write my own comic books!! (how cool is that!) They all had mythological themes, and I used to draw the pictures, write the dialogues and read 'em during my free time!!! As the interest matured, I started writing small books for my own amusement, that detailed on the culture and spirituality of India. My first poem, that I can recollect clearly was "Life Come to an End!" that won me a State Award. And then I started writing a lot of 'em and finally had my collection of it - "Hope and Despair". In between I had started writing my journal chroniclin' my life all the way, and had already finished 4 big journal books. (I thoroughly enjoyed finishing the note books.. it gave me a sense of achievement!!!)

Then for the first time "Soliloquies in Hiding" was born in paper format .. hehehehe!!! It has evolved all the way and now is here as a blog!!! Anyways, after that came a book "A Contemporary Analysis of the Characterization and Psychology of Mahabharata". This I'd say was a rather audacious attempt by me, at such a young age!!! (I was probably 18 yrs old!) Infact I had even dared to translate a few classics to Kannada - Robinson Crusoe, Oliver Twist and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. These days I have started to write more in Kannada (something which I must have done a long while ago). Poems, essays, short stories, and infact 2 novels!!! Ain't it cool? hehehehe... yeah... its been a long journey for me as a "writer". I don't know how far it will continue. As I said, somedays I just seem to run out of ideas, or the urge to write just vanishes into the void!

Then again, somewhere from a distance, there is a beckonin' call! That just seems to grow louder and louder and finally irresistable... I just have to answer it... and I collect my pen and paper.. and sit down for another legacy to start!

I sudina ninna januma dina!!!

ivattu nannakka mangaLana huTTida habba! ninne raatri phone maaDidde avaLa time 12:00 AM ge, phone etlE illa :(.

beLigge sumaaru 1 ghaMTe try maaDingO maaDingu... bhaava yaavdO office callnallidraMte! kaadu kaadu kaDegU sikkidlu. naanu manji together wish maaDidwi :D (actually naanu modalu phone maaDi wish maaDde.. aamEle manji jote conf haakiddu ;) ). vishruth maataaDda ... choooo chweeeeeeeeet aagi.. Ilallu maama aMda :D (Ilallu aMdre.. I love you aMta ;;) ) hehehehehe.. next time.. yaavdaadrU huDgige heegE hELbEku.. arthaanU aagbaardu.. hELlU biDbEku!!! sakkattAgirutte!!

I wish the very very very very best for my sister! All the happiness in the world and the best health! Am so lucky to have her in my life!!!

Jeevan ke safar mein raahi....

On 24th my room mate and one of my best friends left to California! Well! He got a new job, and so left on another "adventure". And this, offset another stream of thought in me! Sure, you keep hearing the usual cliche about life being a long journey and everyone else being our co-passengers who join us and leave us as time passes (or rather as journey continues). But I have always felt that companionship is much more than this! Isn't it about staying together always? I do not mean physical presence. I know, that's not possible! But for two people to stay together always, there are other means isn't it? Memories, for example!

Ever since childhood, we meet people who grow dear to us, we call 'em friends, relatives, and any other name that sounds endearing! Isn't all this an effort by man to keep alive those associations? For that matter, even the enemies we despise are also the effort by man to keep them alive in the deep recesses of mind!

Memories of good, old and ugly, all of them grow up to become endearing to us over a period of time. Things that we cannot live without, people to love and despise when in solitude! To think back and laugh at the funny moments, cry at the sad ones and curse at ill ones! What would man do without memories? On the flip side of it, maybe he wouldn't waste a lot of time broodin' over them and maybe there wouldn't be much to write in journals and blogs! hehehehe.. so with all the free time, maybe he would do more creative works!

But then what would inspire man to do these creative things?! How would man get the motivation needed to keep himself alive even after he is long gone! Memories.... you can't live without them, you can't live with them! Yet another new page has been added to the memories! The book grows in length and content! I know one thing for sure, the times of solitude would be packed... I have a lot of reading to do!

Meanwhile, I am just happy humming the number so wonderfully rendered by Kishore kumar..

jeevan ke safar mein raahi milte hain bichad jaane ko

aur de jaate hain yaadein tanhaayee mein tadpaane ko !

You've Got Mail!

I watched this movie probably when I was in my Engineering! When Tom Hanks is paired with Meg Ryan, I can be sure of one thing - not to bother about the story! It will be awesome! This movie, was more than awesome, it was SPLENDID with all caps ;) .
From the opening score that crooned.. "Dreams are nothing but the wishes and a wish is just a dream.. wished to come true... " to the final scene where Brinkley tugs on Tom's blazer, the movie was adorable in every sense!
The playful zest of Meg Ryan, the funny and witty Tom Hanks.. wonderful script and a taut editing that never leaves the storyline hanging at any point! Ah! It's a movie to relish. And I did relish it too.. have lost count of how many times I have watched it.
Isn't internet a fascinating thing?! Billions of people all over the world, connected to eachother, oblivious from one another, yet somehow affecting our lives in some minute way.... responding to our feelings and emotions, identifying themselves in us, somehow everyone becomes so close when we realize this! The thing that fascinates me the most is the mystery that surrounds this whole business of internet communication ala email, chat, etc. The persons we meet, converse, mail, seem to become a part of us without either one of us ever meeting eachother in person! Is it good or is it not?! I don't wanna answer that question, and it isn't my purpose here too! All I wanna do is.. share the excitement one feels when someone emails us... a someone... who we feel isn't someone!

"I'll say goodbye
to all my sorrows and tomorrow
I'll be on my way...
I guess the Lord Must be in New York City..... "

Trees For Life!

After ages, today I will be going back to Trees For Life! A moment of nostalgia! I remember the time I had fallen sick seriously and after recovering, decided to get into community service, for reasons known to only me!

Anyways, I am glad that I came in touch with this organization. My work was related to helping them with their multi-media learning software for poor children all over the world. I worked on the hindi and kannada versions of the software, making animations, and building stories for children!

Funny enough, it was I who learned a lot more, than what I had to give! The selfless nature of the people over there, the contentment they seem to radiate in their whole being! The happiness they spread... the huge bear hug I always received by David! It healed me of many pains - physical and mental! There is one belief they always nurture, David keeps telling it again and again... "This place is a heaven. And whosoever enters through the front door, is an angel!" Today the time has come to rejoin the divinity! It is so true, Balbir's work has indeed shown happiness to thousands of families across the world! Their concern and love for mankind is a unique one, in that, it is not just words, but actions, silent actions like high frequence sound, that mere mortals like us, caught up in the mundane affairs, never will be able to hear! To hear it, one needs to be elevated on the platform of life! One needs to be human in true sense of the word. It is time to again get connected with it.. and I am happy, very happy!

Snubby!

Snubby is the name of my Pet dog - a cross bred Pomerian. My parents presented him to me for my 13th B'day! I remember the day he was brought.. hehehehe.. my father brought him in a basket!! The first thing he did as soon as he came to the house was to poop in the front yard! Had a tough time maintaining him during the younger days but the things did ease off as he grew. It was as if we had a younger brother! Sounds funny? I dunno, maybe thatz how it is with dogs(for a starter I hated to call him a dog)! He was white all over, except for his brown ears and black eyes! Over a very short period of time, I got extremely attached to Snubby. So much so that, I wouldn't go out with my parents for fear that Snubby would be upset! And it was so indeed!!!
One day, we all went to a movie, and we hadn't even turned at the road end, and Snubby started crying at the top of his voice! Believe it or not, I just cudn't go any further, I asked my parents and brother to carry on, and ran back to this kid of mine!!! The most funny aspect was related to bathing Snubby! Surprisingly enough he wouldn't let anyone bathe him other than me. I used to bathe him in the backyard! He used to stand posing like a king, while I, like an attendant would wash him all over *deep sighs*. Much as he would make me mad with his small tantrums, there were moments when he would make me cry! His health would suddenly deteriorate, and he would stop eating. Boy! that would make me so tense!!
There have been so many moments of happiness and desperation that I shared with my Snubby. Once, I got my visa to leave to America, I used to tease him a lot, saying that there won't be any attendants to bathe him! He was always ahead of me anyhow... Snubby, passed away suddenly just 2 days before I left to USA.

The Big Old Blue!!

I don't know whether it is because of the fact that I have the Piscean traits, or that I was always near some huge water source eversince childhood, Oceans, Rivers, and large lakes seem to fascinate me, almost as does the vast expanse of sky! One thing that is common between the two, its the color Blue!!
I have always looked the the vast expanse of water and marvelled at it! There is something strangely magnetic and wonderful about the fact that such a huge amount of water could accumulate in one place, and did not leave the perimeter again! (Well almost...)
The crystal clear blue expanse, the waves endlessly splashing on the banks, the sand on the sea shores, small conch shells, sea shells, and above all the deep murmur of the vast sea carried over to us by the swift wind, as if the waters are whispering to us the secrets of the past that it has been witness to, with a child like zealousness.
Indeed the oceans have been witness to the beginning of life forms, civilizations, wars, growth and development, and destruction too (sometimes they themselves being the cause!). To this day, I just have to close my eyes and my mind loses itself on the ocean, swiftly carried off by its currents to lands never seen by human eyes!
The Sun rise and Sun set - two of the celestial events that the sea/ocean has a role in! Words fail to describe the beauty abundant in these phenomenon!
All said and done, in the end, all the mind craves for is the same banks to walk upon, the same whispers echoing in my ears... endlessly sharing its many secrets... my dearest friend... my Big Old Blue!

Language-A bridge across forever?!!

There is a never ending feud that is happening in the forum. The eternal battle between languages. Kannada is my mother tongue, and so is special to me. But does that warrant one to hate other languages. There are a lot of issues plaguing the state of Karnataka today. The issue of language is one such. Yes! The language is a part of the identity of the state and most certainly must be preserved. But do we need to fight other languages for this? Whatever has brought the situation to this level, when language which was supposed to be a medium for communication, is now more a tool of increasing hatred among the people!

To what end is this supposed to lead us, I am clueless. There are a lot of questions in my mind right now. How can I build my language along with others, and not on the debris piled up by destroying them?! I have taken a break from the forum, in order to think and brood over the matter. I want to come up with a concrete plan and work on it, in my own way. I want to reconstruct the bridge for the purpose it was meant to be. I hope I can.

In Search Of Me!

Ravaging through the mind, a thousand gales
Are today filling my heart with agonizing wails
In a moment when everything seems so lost;
I crave again for moments of the wondrous past

Give me back myself, that which was once me!
This present is so unlike all that I dream!
Whenceforth did in the tides of time I lose
The meandering paths of doom did I choose!!

For on this path, there is not a soul to befriend
Just an eerie silence and darkness with no end.
The journey I set out upon, this was not to be
Yet here I am, walking the miles, searching for me!

Doubts plague the mind, questioning my being
And challenge to show the proof of my living!
Dead am I within? A funeral there was none.
Why is it then, a silent mourning there begun?!

A deafening cry rises, from within the deep
Give me back myself, I am mine to keep!
Haunting echoes of my sorrow plague the valleys
Tears and sighs, sleepless nights form my allies.

Its a battle upfront that I fight within,
Pitched against myself - How shall I win?
A void it is, that surrounds me today!
Everything hopeful and bright keeping at bay.

Never have I lost, nor shall I now
lay down my arms and drop my bow.
Today shall I set alight the flame,
Scorch the foe and end the game!

From the ashes of me, A phoenix I shall rise,
Resplendant glory burning all I despise.
The future I shall quote and so be it noted,
This battle shall be won and epics devoted!

The enemy is within and there shall he die
Some wars are fought alone - this is not a lie.
The pawns are moving, the board has been set!
In the quest of life, there is myself to beget!

-Praveen

Idle musings - 2

So often, I think what would've happened if things were to be different than they are now! Especially when it comes to specifics and details, I always get this urge to see the things in a different angle than they are! What if I hadn't come to America? What if I hadn't joined Kannadaaudio.com? What if I hadn't come to Wichita? What if I wasn't born at all.. and sometimes looking into the future, What if I was dead!

I am aware of the fact that it is impossible to change the past and many times the things that we wish wouldn't have happened. And yet there they are, staring at us in all stark nakedness! I look at them and wonder as to their purpose of being. Sometimes the mind seems to fathom them and sometimes they are lost in the wilderness of the future. Why at all do I concern myself with them? Life probably would have been a lot easier to live if we could just shut ourselves to the memories. Yes, we would lose a lot of the good ones but then be spared of the bitter ones too! Yet, that is not the case, for human mind seems to harbor them for some reason! At the end of the day all that matters is what we do in the time that is vested with us. The aftermaths of the past shall linger on to the future, but it is a future that we can still control. It is rather astonishing the way, the past, the present and the future are blended. Infact, I see them as manifestations of the same TIME!

I have looked back in life and sometimes wondered at the people who came in and the people whose lives I entered. They touched me and I theirs. There is something deeper that seems to run, from one life to another that brings us in contact with eachother. It's a pull as I see it. A draw of a new learning that somehow seems important for us in the lifetime that we live. The people we come in contact with are there to teach us something! Probably that is why we keep meeting a certain category of people.. something that seems to tell me that I am yet to learn it. In this learning, I realize the purpose of my being. In this learning, I realize the purpose of their presence. In this learning, I realize the meaning of life.

Had a rather long day! Long, not because of its duration, but more because of all that was done! Somehow my day seems to start at 6 in the morning, and winds all the way up till 2 AM in the middle of the night. Am I burning my energy off..? I dunno! Am I a workaholic? Could be! Somehow, there seems to be so much to accomplish, and there is so less time vested for me! There are days when I just want to stop everything. I want to just sit and watch a bird hop on the trees, squirrels run around, see a flower bloom.... simple things, unhurried, and magical! One day... just one of these days! This was the thought that crossed my mind, today morning while going to the school for my job when I watched a flock of geese fly by!

I do this everytime I leave for my job! The way to the school where I work is peckered with houses, cute little ones built of red bricks.. yellow stones and what not, with nice little porches in front of them. Some of 'em still have the kitched lights turned on, and I wonder; "What would life be behind those walls? What tensions and what concerns would they have! How would they start their day?What would they talk at their dinner table in the night, and at breakfast in the morning?" And for some unknown reason, I smile. I am amidst humans, who like me, have their worries and concerns. That is what I like about this! I am in touch with the human nature inside me. Amen to that.

Why do we let some people influence us so much? Some people can make us happy more than we ever felt like, and at the same time remove the very life from our very being? It is as if, our whole vitality has gone and vested itself in the other person! Wasn't man meant to be self-reliant? If so, this isn't that! I am confused, bewildered and totally besides myself. It is one thing to tell others to be self-reliant, and not let -ve things influence, but somehow when it comes to the self, everything collapses and we are back to the same track!

Relationships, friendships are meant to be enriching. If one is getting bogged down by them, getting out of sync with these things, then something is missing somewhere isn't it? What is it? I dunno, I am lost! God! plz help me. I know I am not perfect, that I do mistakes. But please don't give up on me.

Give me the strength to bear my Lord! I am getting exhausted with all this. Give me your grace to be kind and understanding of others as also myself. To love others and myself! Please God! help me.

Sad!

I donno why! Feeling rather sad today. Am angry with myself. Don't feel like really writing anything. Am I just being used by people?!! Shit! Gives me a feeling of being a chewing gum.. something for everyone to chew and spit out later after the flavor is gone.
Am I to be blamed.. or is it that the world just waits for victims to pounce upon and rub their dirty feets on. Am really not feeling secure anymore being good! I don't want to hate the world... but I am afraid I am beginning to.

Idle musings!!

Had been out for a walk! Rather cold wind, froze my nose red! It is so tough to keep your mind calm, and not let it think about anything. I tried a lot, the wind raging outside was no match to the one inside. I like going around the campus of my University. There are calm and peaceful spots that I have marked and visit them quite often. Inspite of the cold wind, I did enjoy going back to those familiar spots. My mind has conversed a lot with the plants, the trees and the flowers over there; silent statues that give you company, the squirrels who have so much taken a liking to me, that they now share the peanuts off my own hands.

There is something that has to be said about going on walks alone. I'm not a loner, mind u - can be a party rocker any day. But when it is solitude that one is seeking, there is no better companion than one self. Today was one of those moments. The new moon was pretty. I liked it. The slight arch, was showing blood red today - rare and a beautiful sight. I took a long walk, trying to feel the nature around me.

The flowers have started to bloom. I held a couple of 'em in my hand.. tender petals that seemed to be softly smiling... like a half asleep child being rocked in the warmth of its mother's bosom. Spring is setting its foot. There is something so refreshing about spring... its probably the beginning of life. A new beginning heralded by the wondrous colorful and decorated nature. Its a celebration of life, and I wanna be a part of it.

Priorities

We all have priorities in life. Things that we need to do most importantly of the several other deeds we spend our time upon. The question is, do we do that? I really wonder how many of us would give a sincere reply to that. If at all we do, I think a majority of the answer wouldn't be affirmative. So then, why is it that man doesn't prioritize his needs and deeds. If you observe, there is a direct relationship between our needs and deeds. If we prioritize our needs, that will guide our actions.
So logically if our needs are misplaced, I think, there is no way one can clearly see the priorities of life. As a student, at this stage, my need is to get good grades to ensure a good job when I graduate. So I must obviously prioritize my studies above the rest. But then, isn't it rather painful to follow the rules and regulations? The mind rebels at the thought of regulations. The travails of studies, the colorless days of working on assignments and projects somehow seem to be less important to the more pleasureable ways of dispensing the time we have in idle activites of mind, rationalizing that under the pretext of "All work and no play" stuffs. I am not bringing into consideration the issue of legitimate hobbies that we indulge in to take a break amidst the more mundane works. But, I am more concerned when the priorities are interchanged.
So what makes one to change them? Is it because, by nature, we are more attracted towards anything that involves less work on our part or one that is less taxing? Man's inherent tendency is to reap the maximum benefits by putting in the minimum amount of work. Probably this is the other face of the coin.
Then shall we call being responsible, all about being able to prioritize the needs effectively and acting accordingly? If it is so, how responsible am I?