Crawlers and Creepers!!

Well Well.. after a very very laaang time.. I am back into the blogging foray!! Missed u all chums.. dearies!! Trust me! I did!! So well.. here is something to start us all with... but before u embark...

Statutory Warnings:

1. No this has nothing to do with preeetttty preettty flowers or plants!
2. The first person am gonna hear “hee-hee-haw-hawing” shall find the vertical protrusions in the frontal lobe of their skull strategically displaced and dispersed in a vast area following random distribution. (Pauses solemnly allowing the idea to sink……. )


Why did God have to make cockroaches?! I cannot fathom of one sensible reason, as to what wonderful purpose they serve in this cosmos, that made the existence of these frankensteins absolutely necessary!! Well… I don’t wanna say am scared of ‘em (yeah! like that is really gonna sound so convincing! And I so much can hear my room mates sniggering to themselves.. didn’t they read the warning messages up there?!! Hmmphhff) But frankly the very thought of theirs is sufficient enough to make the hairs stand upright and send a chill down my spine. There is absolutely something very hideous about the structure of the cockroach. It could either be its long antenne groping around and feeling (I have a conviction that they actually are fear sensors), or those oooh-so-yucky looking eyes that can give Payal Rohatgi a run for her money (but still can’t beat He-man-shoo Malik’s acting prowess!! Yeah! I so much was waiting to say that!! Phew! Glad I got that out of my chest!). And those legs lined up with the prickly protrusions that have absolutely convinced me that the cockroaches are the godzillas of the pest world! Not to mention some of who have the exemplary powers of actually taking to flight, and send me on a marathon race all around the room, trying to dodge, screaming at the top of my voice much to the amusement of my absolutely enchanted room mates.
Under what extreme frustration did God conceive of this creature? Did he himself throw-up in disgust after that was completed? Questions galore! I still remember, that the only thing that’d get me shut my mouth and sit and study during my childhood was this darn creepy villain, whom my uncle would playfully catch and hover all around me (sweating profusely in all the wrong places!!!) till I’d take the book and get my **** down on the floor to read. *sigh There were times when he’d drop a dead one on me, and watch what was a fairly good impression of Michael Jackie-gone-loonie-with-masai-tribes-of-Africa dance, and even video shoot the entire scenario, which I bet he is planning to show my future kids (which is another reason I have decided to abstain from marriage! ).
To add shame to insult, even the education department of Karnataka is hands in glove with my uncle, and that explains why they’d want an absolutely non-violent guy like me (who immediately engages in a swift maneuvor of defence called “The Hare exit” whenever a cockroach were to enter my vicinity) to dissect an entire cockroach! On that fateful, much as I tried to escape (and am not gonna tell u all suckers what all I did! So there.. yaaaahhh), did eventually end up on the dissection table. The attendant brought a jar full of that-which-has-been-named-all-over-this-blogpost. And picked out one of it, and laid it infront of me. “Do not worry pa! This is dead..hehehehehe” I stared at it for a very long time, trying to find an inkling of life in the body structure, and after summoning nearly three thousand of the three crore Gods, I picked up the forceps to pick it up to pin it down on the board. And just as I touched it, one of the legs slightly quivered…… the next thing I know was of me, knife in hand, ala Rekha (hmmm.. can’t I think of another better example.. hmmm..uhhhh) in “Phool bane angaare” pounding on it madly, almost in a fit, till what lay before me couldn’t even remotely be related to an organism. The fact that my college friends still have stomach aches, when they think of it, is something that we shall very carefully draw curtains on.
To think that my stay in USA would have been devoid of their existence was a mirage. But one thing I was convinced of, is that anyday the Indian cockroaches(Blaberus giganteus) could give the American brethren a run of their money! I’ll tell you, these silly dumb periplanetus Americanas shall run helter and skelter if they’d see their Asian brethrens! They are so tiny, that am almost convinced that they don’t even wait to grow up, and all already generating their offsprings. Now these are the one entities I found absolutely unthreatening, and would get back at them with a vengeance unparalleled, a macho that I was! Before long, the phantom’s revenge was lying in wait for me! Right on the day I moved into the new rented house in Coimbatore, that night horror of horrors, not less than 30 cockroaches were holding a round sink tube conference sinisterly planning on evacuating us from their strong hold. Not to be undone, I, with a great courage and high valor summoned upon my room mates, handing each of them with brooms, boots and the good ol’ HIT! Safely posting myself on the kitchen pedestal, I just stopped short of doing a cheer group act, as they ran behind the members of the conference, exterminating them! Uhahahahahaha - Mogambo Khush hua!
Well, all said and done, I still have not been able to figure out just why they had to exist in my life!! So far, no girl has ever run into my arms, having been chased by a cockroach, and I repeat, that has nothing to do with me running much ahead of her! Equally confusing is the fact that a few of my Asian brethren somehow seem to fancy them to satisfy their appetite! I’d like to have a thorough examination of the mental status of the first person who viewed a cockroach, and exclaimed “Now there’s something that looks tasty to eat!” ugggghhhhhhh…. So let’s lay that option also to rest. But then, for a creature that is known to survive even a nuclear holocaust, all it takes is a stick broom, or a hawaii chappal to have its innards spilled out. But that is something that I have very sportively left for my roomies to do! As for me, its time I scoot….

Parting stunt:- When in America, refrain from using the word - Cockroaches, they are called only “roaches” over there, the reason, is something that we shall refrain from sharing with the mass for purely aesthetic reasons.