Errr... ahem! (Cautiously tip-toes.. looking around... hoping for some readers lurking in the corners. Not finding any.. there is a sense of strange relief and and also disappointment!) Now before you jump into the conclusion that am a refined version of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, lemme assure that my polarity of emotions is just normal and am surprised you guys are not yet used to it. Ok.. so where was I?! Ahh! Now I remember!
Had been watchin' Animal Planet. They had a show about 2 cheetahs bred in captivity (their mother having been killed by a lion), which were let out in the wild to survive. It was a very moving documentary that vividly showed the bonding between the two sibling cheetahs and the human being in charge of taking care of them. The documentary captured the moments of their life very impressively - especially the ones where one of the 2 cheetahs helps its brother to overcome the fear of water, the way they learn to hunt for their food, their first kill, and so on. It was the ending that came as a surprise still - one of the two gets killed in the night by a lion. Needless to mention the other cheetah is in immense pain and terror over the loss of its sibling, and the caretaker was already in tears. What really got me thinking was what he said towards the end of the documentary. To summarize his quote, he confesses that maybe it would have been better for the life of these two animals to have just bred them in captivity for their entire life. They would have been safe and sound. But it would have stolen from them the very nature of their being, the wildness and freedom which makes cheetahs mesmerizing creatures. When I turned off the TV, the mind that was struggling hard to get myself to write something, suddenly felt at ease.
My mind is being torn apart. I have decided to come back to India, and now a lot of people are continuously calling me and convincing me (even to the point of fighting with me over it) against it. Their argument being that I don't know what would happen out there! The uncertainity of finding a job; and even if I did - whether or not it would pay me well; and even if it did - whether or not I would enjoy the work environment, so on and so forth. The recent turn of events have rather clogged my mind and drained all the ability to think clearly. How does one clear the mind under such circumstances? I am contemplating withdrawal from the civilization! Hehehehe.. now that I know is far fetched. For one, my nature itself doesn't permit me to do it. The moment of solitude that I gather here and there, are spent in silence... as they seem so precious that I do not feel like spoiling it with such dreary thoughts. Frankly speaking it is the uncertainity that is the root cause behind all this. Why is man's life so uncertain afterall? Is it so that he has a purpose to live? What would the cheetah have done if it had known that it would die if it were let out in the wild? Would it choose to live albeit in captivity and forego its nature? Or would it still choose to taste its freedom, however short lived it may have been?
What shall I choose, that would keep me dignified in my own eyes? It is my homeland that I am returning to. The wild was the homeland of the cheetah too. It also proved to be its death ground. What is in store for me? I wonder...