Monday, July 25, 2005


It is 11:10 PM and the day hasn't yet ended as yet! I stand infront of the mirror and somehow, I have become a stranger to myself! This is a part of me that I am not familiar with! A part that consciously hurts someone! A part that is so rude and nasty at the same time as it is kind, gentle and understanding.
Have you ever felt turning into one of the very, most horrifying person you have always despised in your thoughts?!! It is so much like changing into a were-wolf on a full moon day!! What made this metamorphosis happen so suddenly, I am not able to confess!! All I can say is, this is one person who I cannot claim as me and yet is so much me! How can I turn so ghostly as to hurt someone's emotions! Knowing what hurts a person and irrevocably inflict the same damage!! But all I can say is, I did this to avoid further pains! But yet, wasn't it my presence which indeed caused all this to come forth! Maybe if I wasn't there none of it would've happened! God! What kindof a torture is this, that I cannot even share with anyone! A pain that I shall have to carry to the grave with me! Why make me bear this burden!
Help me! Plz! Help me!

Deja vu!!!

What is the first thing you do, when you get up in the morning? Somehow, it seems to have a bearing on all the day through, isn't it? Well, like me for instance, I like to get up, bow to God! and then I go out of my apartment and take a deep breathe of the fresh morning air, looking up at the rising Sun!! And as the cold air, filters down to the lungs, can feel my whole body openin' up flutterin' itself off the weariness of sleep, just like a bird shakes off the water droplets on its feathers after a nice bath!! I do it almost everyday, giving myself quota of the fresh life, that every human being so much deserves!!
Have you ever had a feeling, when you look at a situation/a setting or a scene in your everday life, that you had indeed seen it before? A sudden occurrance, or a talk with someone, a unique scenery suddenly doesn't seem so exclusive! The mind seems to have thrashed out some old remembrance and shoved it right out, startling you, as if this indeed had happened in the past! Subconscious registries open up, revealing the exact details and filling you with awe! When I mentioned this to Saumya today, she said, it was the deja-vu. I looked up the dictionary..and bingo..found the meaning! It is "The illusion of having already experienced something actually being experienced for the first time".
Wonder if it would ever happen similarly with people! When you meet someone for the first time, and yet it seems as if you had known them for years together! And even strangers, strangely enough, don't seem so! And what is that stranger was a girl! Someone, you feel you knew from a long time since, and lost her inbetween! What if shez returned.. and you don't wanna lose her again?!What would I do? I dunno... but probably, when this happens, and when I do whatever it is that I shall do, I may probably feel, that I had done it already! Is this what lifetimes of Love means? (Or is it just that I am hopelessly romantic today!). week has begun....

Friday, July 22, 2005


Have you watched "Finding Neverland"? If you haven't I do strongly suggest that you do. The story is all about how Barrie was inspired to write "Peter Pan". The one aspect of the movie that is specifically intended to stand out is the power of imagination! "Believe in it strongly" - Barrie says, "and it will come to be true". So what is the toughest part in this procedure? Imagining? Or believing? In our day to day lives, haven't we ever dreamed of things? The magnitude of the cosmos, the creation, the life we live in our future, the girl we would want in our life! We dream, we imagine! It really doesn't seem to be that hard. But believing!! Oh yeah! there the red flag goes up! We are bombarded with questions of "logic", questions of "knowledge", and before we know, we wake up from our dreams and laugh them out! The belief that is needed to buoy our imaginations crumble right infront of our eyes and we are left staring at the stark naked reality! A reality that we have resigned ourselves to! A reality that we have come to accept as ours, no matter how depressing it is, or how unwilling we are! Is this what being adult is all about? To be rid of our beliefs? To accept our shortcomings and learn to live with them, rather than out grow them? If one looks at the alter occupied by the achievers, one would tend to see an inherent child-like stubborness in each of 'em that just refused to accept the so called "reality" portrayed by "adulthood". Peter Pan, represents that child-spirit which must not die in us! The quest to remain ever-young! The fountain of youth, is then inside us! It is our imaginations! And it is our belief in them! What am I doing?! I am imagining eternal youth residing in me! Do I believe in it? You are damn right I do!This is the sheer beauty of children! Time to get back to that blessedness!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

My Tagged Resume...(for Kishan and er..others too)

Three names I go by:-

Three screen I would like to have:-
Simba_the King

Three physical things I like about myself:-
My eyes
My lips (and the beauty spot near it)
My fingers

Three physical things I dont like about myself:-
My receding follicles in the cerebral cranium region :(
My Increasin' girth in the thoracic area :((
My almost non-existent presence of the muscles in the bicep region :(((

Three parts of your heritage:-
Universal brotherhood and religious tolerance
Mythological Stories and Texts
A Divinity I most ardently trust in

Three things that scare me:-
Self Denial
Over confidence

Three of my everyday essentials :-
A healthy Body
A healthy Mind
A healthy Attitude

Three things I badly want to do before I die :-
Write a great book
Make a world tour
Paint the best painting I ever cud do!!

Three careers I am considering:-

Three places I want to go:-

Two truths and A lie :-
Girls Dig me!
I dont have a girlfriend!
I dumped Alyssa Milano for Katie Holmes!!

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Yet Another Birthday!!!!

Ok! Before I sign-off for the day, Saturday was my another elder sis triveni's birthday. A wonderful writer, who writes the column "Tulasivana" in thatskannada. The thing I like the most about her writing is the topics she chooses. They are so simple, day to day things, that we seem to take for granted. But yet, when we think of it, we do attach quite a great amount of importance to them. Her style is simple, humorous, and very touchy!
Well, I infact kinda forgot that it was her birthday and nevertheless ended up calling her first thing in the morning. Sweet old sis, she reminded me that it was her b'day! Well, I did wish her, sent an e-card and sang the ol' birthday song. So anyways, today is her birthday! I wish her the best for all that is to come!
huTTu habbada haardika shubhaashayagaLu trivENi akka. :)

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Not quite another weekend!!!

Ok!! So... know what? My weekend has been quite unlike my many others. Know why?! Well for one, I was among the millions who stood waitin' with bated breathe for the moment when world over the 6th Harry Potter book got released!!! It was fun! Me and my friends went to this really kewl Mexican restaurant El Paisa..(where you see, I developed this cool idea that somehow the mexicans and Indians are related... look at the name of the restaurant!!!!). Hmmm! anyways..enough of idle musings!
So after that I went to Barnes and Noble! It was so much fun! Little kids dressed as witches, wizards, Potter, Professor Dumbledore,, were running around. The whole environment was charged with excitement and expectation of something phenomenal. Well Barnes and Noble had this facility to reserve the book; and me, as lazy that I am, went over there just a few hours before the release and so was tagged with an orange band and asked to wait till the reserved copies were all distributed. Now, my excitement was too hard to be contained, and I took my friend and hurried over to the Walmart, just across B & N, and bingo! Right on 12 past one minute, I was walkin' away jubiliantly, posessing a brand new copy of "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince". Then we coolly strolled over the B & N and started sporting the book around like hundreds others who were gathered there!
I caught some glimpses of the book and its contents, and immediately realized who was dying in this part :(. And believe me, my heart wrenched :(. Anyways.. its been about 24 hrs and 10 mins since I am in possession of that book, and I have completed 10 chapters already!!! This one seems a lot better than the Order of Phoenix.
Anyways, the Saturday was just the usual stuff. In between of my reading managed to lazily watch an awful disney flick "The Princess Diary" - Gosh!!! Can't believe they still think such "gurly" movies run!!!
And what a way to end the night.... than watching "Exorcist-The Beginning" at freakin' 12:00 AM. ewwww....jibbers... shivers.... but nothing when compared to the sheer agony thinking of the week that is coming up!!!
Ah. well.....

Thursday, July 07, 2005

The legacy of writing!!!

Has it ever occurred to you that on certain days, the mind just seems to run out of ideas! I mean.. its been almost 7 days since my last entry in the blog! Today, as I sat down to write, there seemed to be a crunch in the bag of ideas that otherwise used to overflow!!! So, I decided to write about WRITING! creative eh?
I enjoy writing (do not trust what the year old journal has to say about this... ;) ), I enjoy playing with words! Dressing my deep felt ideas and thoughts in the razzle-dazzle of vocabulary that would probably have the reader either perplexed or spellbounded!!! (and sometimes just bored). When I was young, I used to write my own comic books!! (how cool is that!) They all had mythological themes, and I used to draw the pictures, write the dialogues and read 'em during my free time!!! As the interest matured, I started writing small books for my own amusement, that detailed on the culture and spirituality of India. My first poem, that I can recollect clearly was "Life Come to an End!" that won me a State Award. And then I started writing a lot of 'em and finally had my collection of it - "Hope and Despair". In between I had started writing my journal chroniclin' my life all the way, and had already finished 4 big journal books. (I thoroughly enjoyed finishing the note books.. it gave me a sense of achievement!!!)
Then for the first time "Soliloquies in Hiding" was born in paper format .. hehehehe!!! It has evolved all the way and now is here as a blog!!! Anyways, after that came a book "A Contemporary Analysis of the Characterization and Psychology of Mahabharata". This I'd say was a rather audacious attempt by me, at such a young age!!! (I was probably 18 yrs old!) Infact I had even dared to translate a few classics to Kannada - Robinson Crusoe, Oliver Twist and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. These days I have started to write more in Kannada (something which I must have done a long while ago). Poems, essays, short stories, and infact 2 novels!!! Ain't it cool? hehehehe... yeah... its been a long journey for me as a "writer". I don't know how far it will continue. As I said, somedays I just seem to run out of ideas, or the urge to write just vanishes into the void!
Then again, somewhere from a distance, there is a beckonin' call! That just seems to grow louder and louder and finally irresistable... I just have to answer it... and I collect my pen and paper.. and sit down for another legacy to start!