Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Dushman na kare......

Its early in the morning... its been 2 days now and am disturbed. It is an unnerving experience as if you have just been burgled!! And the culprit is someone you had least expected to do something like this. Yes, we are all accustomed to thinking that strangers are more akin to rob us. But when the ones you consider close to you, or thought would be close, turn out to be total strangers, it is a nerve wrecking experience, and to top it, to have the feeling of being betrayed stuffed down your throat only worsens the situation. We are all just "somebody" to everyone else, I guess! Unfortunately that includes some people who aren't "somebody" for us!

It really hurts - That the person who you don't think to be "somebody" for you, thinks that you are "just somebody"! Karma? Human psychology? I'm playing the song - "Dushman na kare.." in a repetitive mode. I have no other song that can better touch my mood right now. Am I letting it worsen, or do I actually want to get over it? God as my witness, I really do want to get over this! I want to forget everything that happened, and just move on! But its so much easier said than done! I've often times emphasized to so many that one has to forgive and forget to achieve the peace of mind. But yet, today that seems like the hardest thing for me to do. Not forgiving, but forgetting all that happened. "pehle toh hosh cheen liye zulm-o-sitam se, deewangi ka phir hamein ilzaam diya hai"

Gladly enough I haven't shed tears for all that has happened. LOL! I am not smiling that it happened either! But the pain is killing! The hurt is deep, and closed wounds somehow have opened up again! I am vulnerable afterall!! "na khuda ka hum ne jinhe naam diya hai.... umr bhar ka gam hamein inaam diya hai..." Gawd!! I just wish I could wake up in the morning and find out that all of this was just a bad, terrible, and hopeless dream! There is a growing numbness in my heart... cold and deathly.... and am gasping for breathe... there was a hand that seemed as if it was ready to clasp me and pull me aboard... only then did I realize that it was the hand that actually overthrew me into the cold currents that are lapping me up into their bosoms...............and am too shocked to even scream.........

7 comments:

Chandan said...

What ever it is, hope you find some peace. As I often say, no matter whome we are with, we are as lonely as the day we were born. We being close to someone not necessarly be the same for them being close to us. Everyone has a mask and its always better not to expect too much from the person we trust.

Anonymous said...

*hugs*

experienced that one too many times..now have serious trust issues..

human spirit is resilient..you will bounce back with a lesson or two learnt.
-S

Praveen said...

@Sush: Yeah.. well me back in form! :)

Anonymous said...

There was this time, I felt terrible for ages, shed my tears; when a person I thought hated me from the core of his heart said he actually loved me. I still dont know why I felt terrible. Never knew even such things can hurt us.

Praveen said...

@Anon: There is something inherently unsettling about these two basic emotions in humans isn't it? Whether its love or hatred.. the moment we come to know about this feeling towards us, we feel disturbed.. we suddenly feel overly consious of ourselves... Wonder why?!

Anonymous said...

Thats true... We become over conscious about everything that we do. Pathetic thing, we try to show ourselves differently and make fool out of ourselves :-)

Praveen said...

@Anon: I guess that happens because we may seek for approval. And that inherent insecurity about whether we'll be accepted or not, pushes us to "be" something we aren't...Faith seems to be the answer for this all...but its like the darndest and the hardest thing to get!