My Grouse on Weight Loss!

I am shooore that many of my friends who have seen me, would agree that I have no need whatsoever to workout! But then, my mom has quite a different perspective on my physical structurization. Alas! She is my mom and a damn adamant one at that! So when she gave me an ultimatum on Sunday that I either shed those extra pounds showing around me, faster than Udita Goswami can shed her clothes, or else, let her find a girl for me, I was left with no choice! Now now.. not that my mother wouldn't have chosen a girl good enough for me, but then, I would've lost the simple pleasures of seeking! So having settled that, I chose to go with the devil and even coaxed a friend of mine to be my accomplice in this ritualistic sacrifice of the triglicerides in the body!

On an auspicious moment of the Monday evening, me and my friend embarked on the arduous journey to the altar of body building! Now, I am not the one who generally takes to think low of my esteemed self! And my initial impression of the one's working out there didn't seem to do any harm either! Those wretched souls with their thin lean bodies looked utterly famished, and produced in me a sniggering much as erst while villains like Vajramuni/Pran sported! My well fed body knew what it was in for, and slightly shivered at the thought of becoming one of those leanies! It shuddered even as I held the handle of the peddler! Not to be undone, I set the program up, and started to peddle! My muscles let out a shriek "Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin......... keh do ki yeh jhoooT hai.... aisa nahin ho sakta... choD do mujhe.. kameene.. tere paas aur koi body vody nahin hai kyaa..." but I peddled on.. and on.. till the shrieks turned to silent sniffs.. and then there was silence. Oh! Curse my villainy!!

Now! what in heaven's name is wrong in being, well a little chubby in all the cute places!! I am sure girls would love to pull my cheeks and maybe rest on my soft tummy! But no! that is not to be done!! Well after burning a 100 calories on the peddler, I went over to the circuit room. Now herein, they have arranged a whole array of machines chosen exclusively to work every part of your body! And what more! they even have an automated system that tells you when to start, and when to stop and move to the next station! Kewl eh? Ah! but the drama was yeddo stard! For there was this immense gargantuan specimen of homo sapien species working out over there! On the weight lifting stations, this King of a Kong, had set the weighs to 200 lbs!! thatz even more than my body weight and the scales that I can lift combined!! Now, having been well aware of my immense physical abilities and not willing to give him a complex, I decided to reduce the weight to the minimum.. and set it to hehehehehe 30 lbs! All was going on well, till that species decided to go over the stations once again, and as he approached the station that I had worked on, his eyes nearly popped out of his thick skull! He looked at me, as if looking at the most poor and wretched creature that one may find in the remote corner of the kitchen cabinet! It's a feeling that says.. "Oh! you poor thing! look at you! I can crush you like a piece of overcooked potato but then, whatz the fun in that!" and then u sweep it up and trash it out!! Albeit here he obviously couldn't trash me out, and so gave his "you despicable creature" look and set the weights back to his capacity! And I! much relieved at the end of it all, rushed home, and complimented myself by eating a vanilla chocolate ice cream that incidentally had 136 calories in it! Amen to that!

2 Movies and a Nite!!

So you guyz already know what this is all about! Yeah! Watched 2 movies tonite! "Rang De Basanti" and "Main Meri Patni Aur Woh". Both the movies were drastically varied in many ways, but yet provided quite a wholesome entertainment! And here I am, providing a review of both, as per my tastes, and interests!

Rang De Basanti :- The story of the young generation that is awakened to the condition of the country by embarking on a journey through the history of freedom struggle, sounded extremely promising! Indeed the first half kept the spirits alive, only to be hastily put down by the second! Disappointing? To a certain extent.. yes! Was it the hype the media created? Or was it the way the first half of the movie portrays itself to be? Or is it something that my personal perception is finding hard to digest? I dunno! I felt that the movie did not do justice to what otherwise was an excellent story line!

Ups of the movie :- The par excellence acting by all the actors! The music scored by A R Rahman, the beautiful locales chosen for the picturization, and the innovativeness of the idea. The portrayal of the gradual change in the outlook of the main characters has been well handled, not to mention the interleaved sequences of the freedom struggle. All the main characters have excelled in their performances. Soha Ali khan has given a wonderful performance considering this to be her first movie!

Downs of the movie :- The dramatization of the events, which is far from truth, even in the present India! That the goverment would storm the Akashvani building with Black commandos to kill the college students, who are on air confessing their crimes and exposing the reasons behind it is quite hard to digest, let alone the portrayal of the police beating up a peaceful candle light vigilance. Ace actors and actresses like Waheeda Rehman, Kiron Kher, Anupam Kher and Om puri are wasted in very small roles! Though, they have all rendered their roles wonderfully well, there could have been more room provided for those characters! The parallel drawn between the main characters and the freedom fighters too seemed a tad over cooked! To say that they were influenced by them, is one thing! But then to compare their acts with the freedom struggle did not really seem convincing! With all due respects to his acting prowess, Aamir seemed out of the group amidst all the young actors!

Overall view :- I'd certainly recommend everyone to watch this movie. It is fresh as far as its idea is concerned. But I would not recommend high expectations on this. Sit back and relax, and do give a thought to the ideas portrayed. To that extent of getting the viewers mind to think on the story and thus about the condition of the nation, this movie indeed has been successful. Rating:- 8.5/10.

Main Meri Patni Aur Woh :- In a period where Bollywood relies very heavily on a studded star cast, exuberant settings, posh locales, and loaded concepts, here comes a movie that is down to earth in the literal sense - A less known star cast, a very simple, and normal story line, and highly simplistic portrayal of the same. Yet, it wins over you instantly. Though I must say at this point that this movie ran into controversy - accused of being a remake of a Malayalam movie - "Vadakkunokkiyanthram". The same concept was also used in a kannada movie, "nanna hendati cennagiddale" (literally translated means, "My wife is beautiful"). So controversies apart, the story is about a middle class guy Mithilesh Shukla(Rajpal Yadav) known popularly as Chote babu, who, as fate would have marries Veena (Rituparna Sengupta). His wife is well educated, from a higher economic class, and above all extremely beautiful! Her beauty only adds to the woes of Mithilesh, who starts eyeing every person around him suspiciously and hence tries hard to keep them away from his wife. Enter the erstwhile friend of Veena, Akash (Kay Kay), and all hell breaks lose! Akash is better than Mithilesh in all respects, and what more! He is creative too! Well then there is the brewing misunderstanding, and then the cloud clears, and before long, its the usual happy ending that we all look forward to! The movie is extremely promising, and is very hearty. The emotional scenes are very short lived, and deftly handled. The movie is extremely smooth in its flow, and will leave the viewer smiling for a long time to come.

Ups of the Movie :- Absolutely superb acting by Rajpal Yadav and Rituparna, excellent direction, well handled story line, melodious and lilting songs. It is a tragedy that in the glitz and glamour of Bollywood the true talents like that of Rajpal Yadav, and the director Chandan Arora (who also directed "Main Madhuri Dixit Ban na chahti hoon") are over shadowed! I would not be surprised if this movie is not nominated for any awards or even if it is, it may fail to rake any! That is just how superficial and hollow the industry has become. To praise the acting of Rajpal yadav would be an arduous task, as all the adjectives that one may use will seem hackneyed, and I am not able to coin new terms as of yet! He acts as naturally as he breathes! The song "Aaj maine dil se" remains echoing in the heart long after the movie has ended! The movie is extremely easy on the mind and heart of the viewer and maintains its lightness all through to the ending! It would be a crime to miss out on such a beautiful movie.

Downs of the Movie :- I really can't think of any as of now, except that this movie is a Bollywood movie! In that, as I already mentioned, it will fail to receive the due appreciation and accolades it so richly deserves.

Overall Rating :-10/10. Again, Don't miss this!

Hum pyaar karne waale!

Well, stupid cupid's day is over!! I am sure he shot quite a few arrows! And just how many hit, and how many missed will be known before the year ends ;). And yeah, this blog including, all the media swayed for the romance in the air! There were celebrations of great romances and every friggin' lover thought that he was yeddanoder Romeo (RSS/Shiv Sena Patronists read Heer/Majnu) and every heart broken dude spoke of the pointlessness of such celebrations (ignoring the protests of the so called protectors of culture). eeeeeeeeneyways! Now just like yin-yang, black-white, beautiful-ugly, amitabh-kishan, madhuri-meghana, our bollywood has given us the best and probably the most awful lovers/love stories! Now I know that all you people have been fed up and are ready to puke out the names of the best ones! But then, to counter that, lets think of the really repulsive lovers we have seen on screen! What say you? ;)

• Vikas Bharadwaj-Meghana (Classic-Dance of love) :- For crying out loud! What was Subhash Ghai thinking when launching this movie through his productions or I guess he truly wasn't! Ever had an experiencing of groping in the dark corners of the bench you are sittin' on during your first date with a gorgeous babe, looking for something and end up with a sticky mess "that must not be named" -much like a relic of someone?! And there is so much embarassment, shock, and trauma! And you have this demented and shocked monkey look on your face! Trust me! That sounds far better than the experience of watching this movie! Herez a sample for ya all - The lead actress named Doli (no comments.. trying hard not to kill myself!) is watching the movie "Romeo and Juliet" with the lead actor (oh boy! He can put a fossil of a wood to shame and kill it all over again with his acting prowess). The scene is of Romeo makin' out with Juliet when they meet secretly in her room. And voila the female lead realizes that the film is in English!!! And she goes "yeh kaun sa piccar dikhaa rahe ho hamein, hamein toh yeh bhaasha samajh mein hI nahin aati"!!!! (Comeon! don't stop me! I wanna die!!!!). And thatz when the Mr. Woody Vikas goes on to explain the situation of the movie, slowly seducing her! I mean! Dude! You could have done that using any porn! And she pretty damn well would have understood!! More Duh!! And if Bappi's music did not tip me off, the fact that this movie was directed by the same person who made that wildly junglee movie "Tarzan" must have!! I am planning to sue them for intense psychological disruption and demention of my mental status!
• Fardeen Khan - Meghana Kothari (Prem Aggan) :- Ok! Now was this meant to be a funny movie? No? Oh! I guess you wanted this to be a sexy and sizzling movie? Not even that!!! Hmm.. lemme think! Ah! Yeah! Oh My! How could I not see it! Isn't this supposed to be a horror movie?!! Whatz that! Oh comeon! the only person allowed to curse around here would be me! And boy oh boy! this movie did leave me dumbfounded to even speak! Here is a guy loving this thing called a gal, making out like dogs in barns! They have to just see a snake, and before long they are out there trying all postures and positions that their bodies can manage! She goes "aaj mujhe us har dard ka ehsaas karaado, jisse mera yeh jism sirf tumhaara ho jaaye" - now was this an invite to make love?! I am sure there was a mis-communication! For Fardeen does get on to her like a mad dog, and before long he goes "nahin mein yeh nahin kar sakta (shocked expressions!! Oh dude, that has some serious repercussions)!!!"
• Sanjay Kapoor - Tabu (Prem) :- Nature is a known for its peculiarities and weirdness - and then there is Sanjay Kapoor!! I am sure even the maker must have squirmed in his seats when he made him! And here he is going "saamne hai par nazar atti nahin... atti nahin..." doing in the hall what may seem a neandrethel form of dance, except that the fire was missing! And oh yeah! the story! oh gosh! Now thatz what love is all about! 7 births and they still are in love with eachother! Now Tabu did seem an intelligent girl! And the same mistake in all the 7 births!! Oh comeon!!
• Govinda - Aishwarya Rai (Albela) :- Ok.. let's start with what went wrong. Ah! that's right! This movie was even considered worthy of thinking let alone make one! And then, they paired up Govinda with Aishwarya Rai! It is not even putting a new label on an old bottle!! And what more! Jackie is the lover boy and then there is Namrata Shirodkar! Need one say more? No? Oh comeon, I need to share the agony! Ah! the story! Tourist guide meets phoren girl. Desi girl sets eyes on guide. Journalist doodle eyes phoren girl....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
• Hrithik - Kareena (Yaadein) :- Woah! Whadda movie! I remember going into a long depression soon after watching this mistake of a movie, that seems to have taken a set of gobbledygook hotch potch and tried to concoct what seemed to be a run-away success in driving away the viewers!! While it was a torture enough to bear with Jackie, add to that those weird antics of Hrithik (the torture of bearing with hundreds of Hrithiks dancing with guns in their hands, while one was quite a lot to handle), and whatz more? Shaadi.com!! thatz what!

Much as I would like to include Mallika-Himanshoooo ("Khwahish"), SRK - troupe of monkeys ("Mohabbatein"), Salman-Diya ("tumko na bhool paayenge") and many many more, I would not want to deter dear ol' cupid! But then what can one say! He certainly goofs up sometimes! And what more! Bollywood celebrates it! Now, I am exiting, to go through yeddanoder round of pyschological counseling for intense trauma and tension! For all those who read this, do write to me for free aspirins!

Do you know why I love you so much? Hmm... sometimes I wonder, if there is any need for you to know it too! Probably you know that I do love you!

You always tell me that we are different! You have oft pointed out to the different views we share on various issues. I see that we complement eachother. I know that neither of us are perfect! But I have come to realize that we are not perfect as ourselves. I do know that we are perfect with eachother! We are perfect together! Perfection is not about being without shortcomings. Perfection is about being us! Being what we are!

We have spoken so many times! We have fought, we have laughed, we have teased eachother silly, and there have been moments of silence between both of us. I have heard you even in those moments of silence. I have heard you in the songs that touched my heart. I have heard you in the calm breathe of a deep peaceful sleep. I hear you in the silent bloom of the smile on my lips, when I am thinking of you. I have heard your voice in the babbling of the brooks, in the early morning sun rays, and the silent soothing touch of the moon! I have felt your breathe caressing me in my sleep, like the passing breeze.

We have fought vehemently! We have tried to hurt eachother with words! I have been ruthless to you when you put down my emotions. Am I wrong? They say that true love never hurts. So is this not true? Hey! But then, I never said I was hurt! We both know that we do it, because we need to feel the yearning we have for one another. Your intense retort makes me feel the passion in your heart for me. I feel like getting back to you with an equally acute passion. It is a love-making with a difference.

The happiness you share with me, the sorrows you made me a part of, spice up the dreary existence of this life. I have often felt like lifting you up in my arms, and carrying you off to a far off land, away from any hindrances, and set you free. I want to make you light as a feather - lift every burden off of you. I want to sit back, and watch you playfully toss around in the smoothly flowing breeze. And at the end of the day, I want to rest your head in my lap, smoothing your ruffled hair, under the star lit skies of the dark, talking of nothing! Staring into your eyes, losing myself!

You have called me a casanova! You have wondered how many girls have heard these things from me! There have been words that I have spoken to them too! I have never denied it! You already know of all my affairs! Ironic as it may seem, it is due to them, that I now tell you the same words, with a passion that I had never had till now. It is due to them, that I have now started to love you, respect you, and want you. You still continue to tease me! I still continue to love you.

We have both shared great moments of happiness together. Do you think I remember them? No! I don't! Do you want to know what I do remember? I remember your hearty laughter at my pranks! I remember the first time I locked eyes with yours. I remember the first time I held your hand and never let go of it. I remember the sweet aroma of yours, when you wrapped your hands around my neck, drawing me close to you!

I have dreams of us. I have dreams that I want to make true! I have dreams that I dream with my eyes open. You are a part of all of them. The family we are going to rise, the children we will have! The things they will learn from you, and from me! The house that we shall build for ourselves. I dream of helping you achieve whatever you aim at. I dream of being a part of all your endeavours, of your dreams, and your life!

Do I know if my dreams will come true? Do I know if our love will travel the path we chose? My heart sighs at these questions. I do not have the answer. All I know is that I am in love with you. I want to enjoy this feeling of being! And for this, I am ready to deny the reality and accept the illusions! The illusion that you are here with me! Yes! I know! I love you so much. But do you know?

Divine Conflicts!

Before the phantom of False morning died,

Methought a Voice within the Tavern cried,

"When all the Temple is prepared within,

Why nods the drowsy Worshipper outside?"

- English Translation from Rubaiyat (by Omar Khayyam)

Past few weeks have been time and again spent in the contemplations of customs, traditions, the aspects of prayers, worships and God - altogether. I have not been worshipping or offering my daily prayers like I have to - as directed by the caste system. I have tried to involve in other activities that has to a certain extent gained precedence over my routine worship. Honestly, it disturbed me. It was a tug of war between the ethical directions and the mind. It led to a lot of introspection, thoughts, queries and answers!

I happened to read Bertrand Russell's "A Free Man's Worship" - it posed the same questions as in my mind. Was it helpful? I guess so. There are things I have come to realize, but to convince myself of them, is turning out to be a difficult proposition than what I thought! They make sense logically, ethically, and even in the precincts of religiousness.

These days my mind vehemently opposes to subject itself to the drudgery of routineness! The boredom is repulsive! And I have been trying to experiment with varied facets to overcome this. The daily prayers, worships are methods of achieving inner discipline, peace of mind, and tranquility. When methods turn to habits, I guess that is when they start becoming bland! The guilt that is accompanied by such feelings in no way helps, and the situation only got worse. I finally accepted the fact that I for one, am bored of the rituals. Am I being defiant? I think not. I do not find them meaningless. I respect them even to this day. But I am bored of them! This holds true even to the daily attributes. The mind craves variety - variety of people, variety of thoughts, variety of challenges! Am I giving to my senses? Or am I losing my discipline? I felt I was being agnostic! That my mind was clouded by my doubts and I gave them a lot of precedence. I had to stand clear and think! And for this, I had to accept. I accepted that I wanted to explore newer ways of enriching my daily life. To add a new dimension to the mundane activities and thus realize an entire different level of well being. I do not feel I am being anti-religious, or dubious of my religious principles. Perhaps, it is a hint to myself.

One thing is for sure, I will have a tough time in keeping a job! Unless I find ways of making it exciting, and learning new stuffs, I am sure, I will be skipping the jobs like a mad bunny! Heck! I may totally stop working, and rush out to meet life head on! Maybe be an explorer! Come to think of it. Isn't that what I am doing right now too? Life again seems so exciting and wonderful! Three cheers to that!!

Sapne suhaane ladak pan ke-1!

I always feel that telephone calls during the night times must be banned! Why?! Well for starters, isn't the night itself intoxicating? I mean for non-drinkers like me, it is this time that really brings out the hidden secrets of us! And what is the trigger for this? Well.. the phone! And that is how our story begins today!

It was just any other wasted weekend we guyz were having in our apartment! Each of us acting like born fools - teasing the monkey out of each of us! Therein comes a call from a friend and eventually the talk that started with the rigmaroles of work, winds through the policies of Bush administration, and before long, we are talking about our childhood crushes! Now wait a minute! You are asking me what the relation was to all these talks? Heck! Have you ever asked the same question to Karan Johar?! Better still, if Vikram Bhatt could get off with passing Mauritius to be Bombay in Kasoor! I can too! So well, pipe down, and listen to the story; which has thankfully neared its end! So before long, we had both recollected all our crushes, fantasies, and tomfoolery of our erstwhile days! The night is young still, and I thought that I'd rehash with you people too, about my (and your) childhood memories!

Ok! Tape rewind to circa 1984-85. Whatz that? You are watching it in Black n White? Duh! Anyways, it was the class of 1st standard. And I was playing the game of "Mummy-Daddy" with the girl sittin' next to me. And before I knew, ******* (two flowers touchin' eachother, two birds - typically doves/parrots coochie cooin'), camera tilt - the girl is blushing, and the guy is shocked! Why? Well, the teacher saw it! And I had to change my place! *deep sighs*.

Lesson learnt:-One doesn't get babies by kissing girls! (That gave me a good sleep that night!)

Tape fast forwards to circa 1989-90. Ok! Now this one, we will show in eastman color! A group of guyz playing cricket and lagori on the streets in Rajajinagar! All emulating our favorite heroes of Kannada film industry. Yours truly, remembering the style with which Dr. Raj had teased Arathi by hitting her with a stone; promptly threw the ball at a girl walking down our street! Well before long, one could watch a cute little boy, running like his balls were set on fire, down the street - being chased by the girl! *more deep sighs*.

Lesson learnt:-It's tough to run while managing to hold the falling chaddi in one hand!

Now, now, you can all stop sniggering. Well, atleast am being honest in admitting my crushes. Now is it just a co-incidence that there is just a letter difference between crush and crash? But aren't they among the best memories of our lives? I still remember the dress that my crush wore in the group dance competition! Me dressed in a pink shirt (EEEEEks!!!) and black pant - with a cute black bow! She in a pink frill frock! Both of us twisting our bodies to "Baar Baar dekho hazaar baar dekho"! I can still vividly remember the first birthday present that I had hand-made for her! Those innocent romantic days filled with promises of never forgetting eachother! Whatz that again? How many similar promises I did? Heck! who remembers! I always thought it was the first time with each one. *cutely batting the eyelashes*

Well, what can one say! Its just beautiful! Is it the age? Is it the sheer innocence of the feelings? (Oh! stop sniggerin! I was indeed innocent). Who cares! What mattered was that each time the heart felt it was in love! Maturity for one, does strip the heart of this innocence! yes! now we know what love is all about! But sometimes.. when the night is intoxicating, and you are just so wasted on the weekends... it is the memories of those puppy loves that bring a smile to the face and a brightness to the dreariness of the dark! Amen to that!

I'm comin' up .. so u better get this party started!!!!!

Oh yeah! baby!! Now.. all you guyz n galz line up! On the count of three... three.. two.. two1/2.. two 1/4... one!! TaDaaaaan!! *Tralalalalalalala* *jhing chak jigi jigi chak* *girls shrieking their lungs out* and now.. a solemn voice comes about reverberating in the DTX style - "mic check... mic check..1 2 3..."yappy burrday to you... yappy burrrday to you.. yappy burrday to you bloggy dearie... yappy birthday tooo you. Mayyy gaaawdddd bleeesss youuu. youuu're written by a maaankeeeyyyyyy... and he writes about them too". [vehement protests heard in the background by the fans of Meghana Naidu, Himanshu Malik, Kishan kumar, et al]

"Ladies, gentlemen and Kishan kumar! Exactly one year and one day ago, there was a historical event of least significance dat happened in the vaarld of blaagging (read more aptly as braggin'). On this day, an entry was made in the hiding. With much predicament, apprehension, and circumspection, an entity of the biological world of homo sapiens who had been aptly addressed to by other worthy specimens of the same species.. as "the all knower", "the intelligent", and "the expert"!! (I'll pause till this sentence sinks to the itsy bitsy brains of Meghana Naidu and Himanshu Malik.) made his first entry (well it wasn't really the first.. or was it.. heck who cares! Let's party!!!) in the blogger space! *sniff* *sniff* [This is a typical Karan-barjatya moment of sentiments over flowing]. Awwwww!! I always like such happy moments.. *sniff* *sniff*.. *brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm* (blowing my nose). Anyways.. so continuing.. all you worthy readers out there.. started getting your fill of absolute crap from me! What more! Shit happened, I always forgot to flush it ;)

Anyways, the past is past... and now we are setting forth on a new year! To bring forth even more outcry on the acting prowess of lots of people! Bollywood is still churning out disasters in the disguises of actors/actresses and as long as it is going on at it, you are assured of this column's survival!! *heavin' a sigh of relief*

So with the great responsibility having been vested on my slender and delicate shoulders of supporting the cause of all these people, I here by humbly accept your wishes and you can mail me all your presents at my residential address (please email me personally the details of the presents that you want to send me, so I can decide on whether or not I can give u my address. So all you sweety-pies out there, better come up with a good list ok?)

what'z that? you want a party? Hmm.. lemme think... ok! You will get one! and guess whoz comin' to the party!! It's my dear ol' Garfy!!!!!! *more girls cat-calling (sic)* And now... let the party begin!!!

"I like to move it move it.. I like to move it move it.. ya like to...?

MOVE IT!!" [in chorus]

Well dudaas and dudees let's get wasted! And the persona divine now exits.. amidst much fanfare and pompous farewell!!